|The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech:|
"My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family", she said "Firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine. No, I will never do that, never in a million years".
"What do you mean my child?" Asked the father in law.
"What I mean dad is (looking at her father in law):
Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn't stop at my account, and those who used to Clean should continue cleaning".
"Then what are you here for?" Asked the mother in law.
"As for me, my job is to entertain your son!"
|Not long after his marriage, Joe and his father, met for lunch. "Well, son," asked the father, "how is married life treating you?"|
"Not very well, I'm afraid," sighed Joe. "It seems I married a nun."
"A nun?" his father questioned.
"That's right," moaned Joe. "None in the morning, none at night, and none at all unless I beg!"
Joe's father nodded knowingly and slapped his boy on the back a couple of times.
"Why don't we all get together for dinner tonight and have a nice talk?"
Joe smiled, "Say, Dad, that's a great idea!"
"Fine," replied the father, "I'll call home and tell the Mother Superior to set two extra plates."
|A man was walking across the road when he had an accident. The impact was on his head, which caused him to be comatose for two days before he finally regained consciousness. When he opened his eyes, his wife was there beside him.|
He held her hands and said meaningfully: "You have always been by my side. When I was a struggling University student, I failed again and again. And sometimes, even my re-papers as well. You were there beside me, encouraging me to go on trying..."
She squeezed his hands as he continued: "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there beside me, cutting out more adverts for me to apply...."
He continued: "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract. I blew it because of one little mistake. And you were there beside me."
"Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some time. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognised. As such, I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now... And you were still beside me... "
Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband: "And now I had an accident and when I woke up, you are here beside me...There's something I'd really like to say to you..."
She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband, sobbing with emotion. He said, "You're a freaking jinx!"
|A minister visited an asylum for the mentally disturbed and was taken on a tour of the facilities by one of the resident doctors.|
Walking down the dismal, echoing corridors, the minister was troubled by the cries and groans of the patients coming from their rooms.
"I hope that I can be of some help and comfort to these poor souls," he told the doctor.
The doctor stopped at a door and they looked through the small window. "This is a sad case," said the doctor.
The patient rocked back and forth on her cot, sobbing and sighing. "Peter," she repeated over and over. "Oh, Peter!"
"She was to marry a man named Peter," said the doctor. "And on their wedding day he ran off with another woman. It broke her heart and she went mad."
They moved on to another door and looked in. Inside the patient was bound in a straightjacket, shrieking insanely, "Peter! Peter!"
"Let me guess," said the minister. "She lost Peter also."
"No," answered the man. "She's the one that got him!"