• Learn a New Sport

    On a busy Med/Surg floor the doctor stops the nurse to brief her on a patient's condition, "This patient is a fellow physician and my favorite golf partner. His injury is serious and I fear he will not be able to play golf again unless you follow my orders exactly."

    The doctor then began listing orders:
    "You must give an injection in a different location every twenty minutes followed by a second injection exactly five minutes after the first. He must take two pills at exactly every hour followed by one pill every fifteen minutes for eight hours. He must drink no more and no less than ten ounces of water every twenty-five minutes and must void between.

    "Soak his arm in warm water for fifteen minutes then place ice for ten minutes and repeat over and over for the rest of the day. Give range of motion every thirty minutes. He requires a back rub and foot rub every hour. Feed him something tasty every hour. Be cheerful and do whatever he asks at all times.

    "Chart his condition and vital signs every twenty minutes. You must do these things exactly as I ordered or his injury will not heal properly, and he will not able to play golf well."

    The nurse left the doctor and entered the patient's room. She was greeted by anxious family and an equally anxious patient. All asked the nurse what the doctor had said about the patient.

    The nurse started, "The doctor said that you will live." Then quickly reviewing the orders, the nurse added, "But you will have to learn a new sport."
  • IMA on Demonetisation

    The Indian Medical Association has weighed the demonetization high value notes and this is what they have to say:

    The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

    The Gastroenterology had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the neurologists thought the Government had a lot of nerve.

    The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.

    Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

    Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, Grow up!"

    The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

    The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

    The ENT specialists didn't swallow it, and just wouldn't hear of it.

    The Pharmacologists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."

    The Anaesthetists thought the whole idea was a gas, but the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

    The Pediatricians thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

    In the end, the Proctologists won, leaving the entire decision up to the a***holes in Government.
  • Super Specialty Hospital

    A dentist, doing his first extraction on a patient, was understandably nervous.

    When he got the molar out, his hand shook, he lost his grip on the instrument, and the tooth dropped down into the patient's throat.

    "Sorry," said the doctor. "You're outside my specialty now. You should see a laryngologist! (throat specialist)."

    By the time the unfortunate victim got to· the laryngologist, the tooth had worked its way much further down.

    The laryngologist examined the man.

    "Sorry," said the doctor, "You're outside my specialty now. You should see a gastrologist! (stomach specialist)."

    The gastrologist X-rayed the patient.

    "Sorry," said the doctor,"the tooth has traveled into your lower intestines. You should see an enterologist! (intestinal specialist).''

    The enterologist took some X rays.

    "Sorry, the tooth isn't there. It must have gone down farther. You should see a Proctologist! (a specialist in diseases of the rectum; anus)."

    The Proctologist's examined the patient.... inserted a proctoscope inside the..... and remarked..... "Good heavens, man! You've got a tooth up there! You should see a dentist!"

    Dedicated to SUPER SPECIALTY HOSPITALS OF TODAY
  • Good & Bad News

    An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"

    Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.

    Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.

    Patient: OH NO! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???

    Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT