• Women and Shopping

    A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her cell phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

    The woman asked the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.

    As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to hit a couple of more shops on the way to the hospital.

    She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a slice of yummy chocolate cake, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.

    Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition.

    The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you!? I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round the clock care. And taking care of him will now be your career!"

    The woman was feeling so overwhelmed with guilt she broke down and began sobbing.

    The lady doctor then chuckled and said, "I'm just pulling your leg. He's dead. Show me what you bought."
  • Phenomenol 2 Letter Word

    I'm sure you will enjoy this. One word in the English language that could be a noun, verb, adj, adv, prep is UP. Read until the end... you'll laugh.

    This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].
    It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

    At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election (if there is a tie, it is a toss UP) and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

    At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

    To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

    And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is blocked UP.

    We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

    To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

    If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with (UP to) a hundred or more.

    When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now...... my time is UP!

    So, did this whole thing, crack you UP?

    Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book... or not... it's UP to you.

    Now I'll shut UP!
  • The Breathalyzer Test

    A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

    "I can't do that, officer."

    "Why not?"

    "Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."

    "Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."

    "Can't do that either, officer."

    "Why not?"

    "Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."

    "Alright, we could get a blood sample."

    "Can't do that either, officer."

    "Why not?"

    "Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die."

    "Fine then, just walk this white line."

    "Can't do that either, officer."

    "Why not?"

    "Because I'm too drunk to do that."
  • You aren't Sterile!

    A doctor had just delivered twins. They were a boy and a girl.

    The head nurse brought them out for their father to see. He could hardly believe his good fortune. The girl baby had a pink blanket wrapped around her and the boy baby was enclosed in a blue blanket.

    He took one step forward just so he could touch the babies and believe they had finally arrived.

    As he started to touch them the nurse took a step backwards and said, "You can't touch those babies. You aren't sterile!"

    With out missing a beat, he retorted "You're telling me!"
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT