• Little Johnny & His Balloon

    Little Johnny blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues.

    "Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off." You're going to break something.

    He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center. Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.

    Mom comes in and while putting away the grocery, gets the urge. It's a diarrhea run!!! She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes. When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor.

    The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.

    When he arrives she leads him to the bath room and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP!

    The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. It's on him, the walls, etc.

    "Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?' she asks.

    He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart !'"
  • Medical Students

    Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.

    One of the students said to his friend, "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."

    The other student says, "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class."

    Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"

    The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you'll tell me what you think."

    One of the students said, "I think it's Petry Syndrome."

    The old man said, "You thought.... but you are wrong."

    Then the other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

    The old man said, "You thought.... but you are wrong.

    So they asked him, "Well, what do you have?"

    The old man said, "I thought it was GAS... but I was wrong.
  • Funny Medical Mistakes

    Weirdest Statements on a Medical Report The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

    The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

    Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

    The skin was moist and dry.

    The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

    She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

    The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

    I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

    The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

    Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

    Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

    She is numb from her toes down.

    Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

    While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rayed and sent home. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead.

    Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

    When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

    Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

    On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

    The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

    The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.

    The patient refused an autopsy.
  • Diabetes Urine Test

    The other day I visited my local superstore. When I got there, I went straight to the back of the store to where the pharmacist's counter is located. I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter.

    The pharmacist came over, smiled and asked if he could help me. I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?"

    As I appear to be a responsible adult, I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me. He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swirled it around. Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began choking.

    When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, "Now, does that taste sweet to you?"

    The pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, "HELL NO!!!"

    So I said, "Oh thank God! That's a real relief! My doctor told me to get a pharmacist to test my urine for sugar!"

    Well, I can never go back to that store but I really don't care, because they aren't very friendly there anyway!!!
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