An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.
A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"
He said, "I heard the nurse say, It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right."
"She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"
A young woman wasn't feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician.
"I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that."
The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced, "I'm back!"
Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, "Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit."
An old woman went to see her doctor about her constipation problem.
"It's horrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Yes, doctor," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a 20 minutes in the morning and again at night."
"No," the doctor said, `I mean do you take anything?"
"Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."