• Imaginary Enemy

    During a simulated attack, the troops have to defend themselves against an imaginary enemy, as the sergeant calls it. Bawling out orders, he notices that one recruit shows little response.

    "You there," the sergeant shouts, "the imaginary enemy is advancing, and your are caught in the crossfire. Action!"

    The recruit takes ten steps to one side.

    "What are you doing, man?" Yells the sergeant, purple with fury.

    "I'm taking shelter behind an imaginary hill, Sergeant," answers the recruit calmly.
  • Military Roll Call

    It was early morning at the military base, and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper:
    "Ames"
    "Here!"

    "Jenson"
    "Here!"

    "Jones"
    "Here!"

    "Magersky"
    "Here!"

    "Seeback"
    No answer.

    "Seeback!"

    No answer was heard again.

    "SEEBACK!!!"

    The troops remained totally silent.

    At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeant's ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over the list and continued calling the names printed on the other side.
  • Dirty Magazines!

    An army major called his wife to tell her that he would be late home because dirty magazines had been found in the barracks and the soldiers responsible were facing serious disciplinary action.

    "The punishment sounds a little harsh," she said.
    "After all, most of the soldiers have pictures of women on the walls of their quarters."

    "No Honey..." the major explained patiently, "Dirty magazines means the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned properly!"
  • Second Innings....

    Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time.

    Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.

    "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

    "Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

    "Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear."

    "Yes sir, I understand your concern and Ill try harder."

    Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, "It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and so often?"

    The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, "They usually saluted and said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?"
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