• The Secret Airbase

    United State Air Force has a high security, super secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

    One afternoon, a Cessna landed at this "secret" base. The aircraft was immediately impounded and the pilot was interrogated. The pilot's story was that - he took off from Vegas, got lost & spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel.

    The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot & held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost & wasn't a spy. They are fueled his airplane, threatened him that if he lands again he would spend the rest of his life in prison, and let him go.

    The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force personnel, the same Cessna landed there again.

    Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... only this time there were two people in the plane.

    The same pilot jumped out & said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"
  • Divert Your Course

    Actual transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.

    Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

    Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

    Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

    Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

    Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

    Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
  • Police vs Military

    Since the army is gradually talking over more and more functions of the police, there is much heartburning in police circles.

    A constable who could not take the reduction of his status much longer, got talking to a jawan, "Bhai, I am told that you jawans of the army have to spend many years on the borders before you get leave. Meanwhile, your wives go on bearing children. Is this really true? How do you treat these ready-made children planted on you?"

    The jawan replied cooly, "I do not think this is a common occurrence. But when it takes place we enrol these ready-made children, as you call them, into the police."
  • The Dirty Magazine

    An army major to wife, he would be late home because dirty magazines had been found in the barracks, and the soldiers responsible were facing serious disciplinary action.

    "The punishment sounds a little harsh," she said. "After all, most of the soldiers have pictures of women on the walls of their quarters."

    "No, honey," he explained patiently. "Dirty magazines means the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned properly!"