• Balls and Brains!

    A Marine General, an Army General and a Navy Admiral were discussing who had the toughest men.

    The Army General says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!"

    The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?"

    The General says, "See that man over there? Kill him!"

    Without hesitating, the private kills the man.

    The General says, "See? That man has balls!"

    The Marine General says, "That's nothing. Private, get over here!"

    The Marine Private reports, "Yes, sir?"

    The Marine General says, "See that man over there? Kill him and then kill yourself."

    Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds.

    The Marine General says, "See? Now that man has balls!"

    The Admiral says, "That's nothing."

    He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, "Hey, seaman, jump off that tower!" The seaman answers, "Excuse me, sir?"

    The Admiral repeats, "JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!"

    The seaman replies, "Fuck you, sir!" The Admiral says, "See? That man has balls and he's got brains too!"
  • One Eared Admiral

    A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the Navy and eventually became an Admiral. During his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.

    One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff. The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview.

    At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

    The Master Chief answered, "I couldn't help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."

    The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.

    The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, you seem to be short one ear."

    The Admiral threw him out also.

    The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral went ahead with the same question.

    "Do you notice anything different about me?"

    To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, "Yes sir you wear contact lenses."

    The Admiral, impressed thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how do you know that?" the Admiral asked.

    The Sergeant Major replied, "Well sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one fuckin ear."
  • How to Choose a General?

    Soon after getting freedom from British rule in 1947, the de-facto prime minister of India, Jawahar Lal Nehru called a meeting of senior Army Officers to select the first General of the Indian army.

    Nehru proposed, "I think we should appoint a British officer as a General of The Indian Army, as we don't have enough experience to lead the same."

    Having learned under the British, only to serve and rarely to lead, all the civilians and men in uniform present nodded their heads in agreement.

    However one senior officer, Nathu Singh Rathore, asked for permission to speak. Nehru was a bit taken aback by the independent streak of the officer, though, he asked him to speak freely.

    Rathore said, "You see, sir, we don't have enough experience to lead a nation too, so shouldn't we appoint a British person as the first Prime Minister of India?"

    You could hear a pin drop.

    After a pregnant pause, Nehru asked Rathore, "Are you ready to be the first General of The Indian Army?"

    Rathore declined the offer saying, "Sir, we have a very talented army officer, my senior, Gen. Cariappa, who is the most deserving among us."

    This is how the brilliant Lt. Gen. Cariappa became the first General and Rathore the first ever Lt. General of the Indian Army.
  • Thousand Salutes!

    A youngster got posted to FM Sam Maneckshaw's unit when Sam was the CO.

    This youngster was on his rounds when one of the riflemen did not notice him and missed saluting him. The youngster got cheesed and called out to the Gorkha and asked him the reason for not saluting.

    The Gorkha innocently gave out the reason that he did not see "Leftent Huzoor".

    The youngster not convinced, punished the Gorkha to a thousand salutes.

    The soldier immediately started saluting.

    Sam who was passing by, asked the youngster as to what was happening.

    The youngster said, "Sir this soldier had the audacity of not saluting me. So I have punished him with 1000 salutes."

    Sam replied, "Bloody good punishment young man. But ensure that you return each of his salutes."

    For the next two hours the unit was treated to a scene of a Gorkha saluting, and the young officer returning each of his salutes.

    Respect, is a two way street.