• Wife's Expecting

    A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend.

    "You see," he explained, "my wife's expecting."

    "Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck."

    The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation, "My wife's expecting."

    The Officer looked surprised, "Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the weekend off."

    When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper, "Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed.

    "Yes sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still expecting."

    "What in heaven is she expecting?" cried the Officer.

    "Me," said the soldier simply.
  • Magnetic Compass

    Gorkha Battalion Troops Ki Map Reading Class.

    JCO: Jawanon... Ye Ek Compass Hai... Ye Hamesha North Dikhata Hai.

    Sepoy: Saabji Ye Hamesha North Hi Kyon Dikhata Hai?...

    Jco: North Me Ek Bahut Bada Magnet Ka Pahar Hai. Isiliye.

    Sepoy: Saabji, Ager Us Hum Us Pahar Ke Niche Pahunchega Tab?

    Jco: Tab Bhi Pahar Ki Taraf North Me Hi Dikhayega.

    Sepoy: Saaabji, Hum Pahar Ke Uper Chad Jayega Tab?

    Jco: Iska Jawab Tea Break Ke Bad...

    After Tea Break

    Sepoy: Saabji........

    Jco: Aisa Hai, CO Sahab Ne Kaha Hai Koi Bhi Jawan Pahar Par Nahi Chadega.

    Sepoy: Jo Hukum Shaaaab!!
  • Balls and Brains!

    A Marine General, an Army General and a Navy Admiral were discussing who had the toughest men.

    The Army General says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!"

    The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?"

    The General says, "See that man over there? Kill him!"

    Without hesitating, the private kills the man.

    The General says, "See? That man has balls!"

    The Marine General says, "That's nothing. Private, get over here!"

    The Marine Private reports, "Yes, sir?"

    The Marine General says, "See that man over there? Kill him and then kill yourself."

    Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds.

    The Marine General says, "See? Now that man has balls!"

    The Admiral says, "That's nothing."

    He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, "Hey, seaman, jump off that tower!" The seaman answers, "Excuse me, sir?"

    The Admiral repeats, "JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!"

    The seaman replies, "Fuck you, sir!" The Admiral says, "See? That man has balls and he's got brains too!"
  • One Eared Admiral

    A young Naval Officer was in a terrible car accident, but due to the heroics of the hospital staff the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the Navy and eventually became an Admiral. During his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.

    One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff. The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview.

    At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

    The Master Chief answered, "I couldn't help but notice you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."

    The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.

    The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, you seem to be short one ear."

    The Admiral threw him out also.

    The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral went ahead with the same question.

    "Do you notice anything different about me?"

    To his surprise the Sergeant Major said, "Yes sir you wear contact lenses."

    The Admiral, impressed thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how do you know that?" the Admiral asked.

    The Sergeant Major replied, "Well sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one fuckin ear."