• Second Innings....

    Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time.

    Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.

    "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

    "Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

    "Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear."

    "Yes sir, I understand your concern and Ill try harder."

    Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, "It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and so often?"

    The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, "They usually saluted and said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?"
  • The Wire Brush Treatment

    An army Major visiting sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks, "What's your problem, Soldier?"

    "Chronic syphilis, Sir."

    "What treatment are you getting?"

    "Five minutes with the wire brush each day."

    "What's your ambition?"

    "To get back to the front, Sir."

    "Good man," says the Major. He goes to the next bad. "What's your problem, Soldier?"

    "Chronic piles, Sir."

    "What treatment are you getting?"

    "Five minutes with the wire brush each day."

    "What's your ambition?"

    "To get back to the front, Sir."

    "Good man," says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"

    "Chronic gum disease, Sir."

    "What treatment are you getting?"

    "Five minutes with the wire brush each day."

    "What's your ambition?"

    "To get the wire brush before them two, Sir."
  • Wife's Expecting

    A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend.

    "You see," he explained, "my wife's expecting."

    "Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck."

    The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation, "My wife's expecting."

    The Officer looked surprised, "Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the weekend off."

    When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper, "Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed.

    "Yes sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still expecting."

    "What in heaven is she expecting?" cried the Officer.

    "Me," said the soldier simply.
  • Magnetic Compass

    Gorkha Battalion Troops Ki Map Reading Class.

    JCO: Jawanon... Ye Ek Compass Hai... Ye Hamesha North Dikhata Hai.

    Sepoy: Saabji Ye Hamesha North Hi Kyon Dikhata Hai?...

    Jco: North Me Ek Bahut Bada Magnet Ka Pahar Hai. Isiliye.

    Sepoy: Saabji, Ager Us Hum Us Pahar Ke Niche Pahunchega Tab?

    Jco: Tab Bhi Pahar Ki Taraf North Me Hi Dikhayega.

    Sepoy: Saaabji, Hum Pahar Ke Uper Chad Jayega Tab?

    Jco: Iska Jawab Tea Break Ke Bad...

    After Tea Break

    Sepoy: Saabji........

    Jco: Aisa Hai, CO Sahab Ne Kaha Hai Koi Bhi Jawan Pahar Par Nahi Chadega.

    Sepoy: Jo Hukum Shaaaab!!