• The Wire Brush Treatment

    An army Major visiting sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks, "What's your problem, Soldier?"

    "Chronic syphilis, Sir."

    "What treatment are you getting?"

    "Five minutes with the wire brush each day."

    "What's your ambition?"

    "To get back to the front, Sir."

    "Good man," says the Major. He goes to the next bad. "What's your problem, Soldier?"

    "Chronic piles, Sir."

    "What treatment are you getting?"

    "Five minutes with the wire brush each day."

    "What's your ambition?"

    "To get back to the front, Sir."

    "Good man," says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"

    "Chronic gum disease, Sir."

    "What treatment are you getting?"

    "Five minutes with the wire brush each day."

    "What's your ambition?"

    "To get the wire brush before them two, Sir."
  • Wife's Expecting

    A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend.

    "You see," he explained, "my wife's expecting."

    "Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck."

    The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation, "My wife's expecting."

    The Officer looked surprised, "Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the weekend off."

    When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper, "Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed.

    "Yes sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still expecting."

    "What in heaven is she expecting?" cried the Officer.

    "Me," said the soldier simply.
  • Magnetic Compass

    Gorkha Battalion Troops Ki Map Reading Class.

    JCO: Jawanon... Ye Ek Compass Hai... Ye Hamesha North Dikhata Hai.

    Sepoy: Saabji Ye Hamesha North Hi Kyon Dikhata Hai?...

    Jco: North Me Ek Bahut Bada Magnet Ka Pahar Hai. Isiliye.

    Sepoy: Saabji, Ager Us Hum Us Pahar Ke Niche Pahunchega Tab?

    Jco: Tab Bhi Pahar Ki Taraf North Me Hi Dikhayega.

    Sepoy: Saaabji, Hum Pahar Ke Uper Chad Jayega Tab?

    Jco: Iska Jawab Tea Break Ke Bad...

    After Tea Break

    Sepoy: Saabji........

    Jco: Aisa Hai, CO Sahab Ne Kaha Hai Koi Bhi Jawan Pahar Par Nahi Chadega.

    Sepoy: Jo Hukum Shaaaab!!
  • Balls and Brains!

    A Marine General, an Army General and a Navy Admiral were discussing who had the toughest men.

    The Army General says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!"

    The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?"

    The General says, "See that man over there? Kill him!"

    Without hesitating, the private kills the man.

    The General says, "See? That man has balls!"

    The Marine General says, "That's nothing. Private, get over here!"

    The Marine Private reports, "Yes, sir?"

    The Marine General says, "See that man over there? Kill him and then kill yourself."

    Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds.

    The Marine General says, "See? Now that man has balls!"

    The Admiral says, "That's nothing."

    He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, "Hey, seaman, jump off that tower!" The seaman answers, "Excuse me, sir?"

    The Admiral repeats, "JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!"

    The seaman replies, "Fuck you, sir!" The Admiral says, "See? That man has balls and he's got brains too!"