• Learning Punjabi

    During the British Raj, it was felt that bonding with the locals would be better if English officers could speak in Punjabi.

    Accordingly, a Punjabi tutor was arranged for a Gora Major Saab.

    After a month the tutor felt he had taught the British Major good Punjabi.

    The Major's commanding officer in Lahore, the British General, decided to personally test the Major.

    So, he threw some ink on the table and asked the Major to describe in Punjabi what happened.

    Major: Aithay ink Kinnay giraayi Hai?

    The tutor looked happy but the General was disappointed and asked them to further improve the Punjabi. Another month passed and it was time for another test. The General again threw ink on the table and asked the same question.

    Major replied in his improved style: Aitthay Siyahi Kinnay Doli Aa?

    The tutor was thrilled but the General was still not satisfied. So the tutor asked what the General was expecting. The General said he would demonstrate and called a desi Punjabi Sergeant to come into the office.

    The Sergeant walked in, saw the mess and immediately screamed: Oye Kanjaro ! Eh Maiz Di Maa Behan Kinne Kitti Aa?

    The old General stood up, applauded and announced: Now, that, gentleman is Punjabi.
  • The Arab Pilot

    During the war between Israel and the Arab Countries an Arabic plane was shot down. The pilot was captured and the Israelis tries to get him to tell all technical details about the plane.

    "How fast can it fly?"

    The pilot says nothing and the Israelis gives him a good beating.

    "How many rockets does the plane carry?"

    Again the pilot doesn't responds and he get another good beating.

    "What is the maximum altitude of flying?"

    The pilot responds with silence, and get another beating. This goes on and on and the Israelis get nothing out of the Arabic pilot so they decide to release him.

    When the pilot returned home he was considered to be a national hero and he get interviewed by a reporter. The reporter asks the pilot if he has any tips to other pilots if they get caught.

    "Make sure you know all the technical details about the planes, otherwise they beat the crap out of you!"
  • Military Training

    Budget cuts to the Defence force forced the training team to start doing mock combat using no explosives, guns, or basically any equipment what-so-ever, so when it came to a training scenario, the Sergeant in charge tells his recruits that they are under imaginary fire, and what do they do?

    So all of the recruits except one scatter and get down behind "stuff", and get into returning fire positions. The Sergeant notices this one recruit standing out in the open, quite relaxed and unfazed.

    Yelling, the Sergeant asks, "What the devil do you think you're doing? You're under fire!"

    So the recruit takes one step to the left and remains still.

    Now the Sergeant's really annoyed. He yells again, "What the Hell are you doing? You're under imaginary fire, take cover!"

    The recruit turns to him and replies, "I'm taking cover behind this imaginary tree Sergeant!"
  • Breakfast Menu

    Officers' Mess notice for Sunday Breakfast:

    We are serving gently browned, delicately hand-rolled whole wheat pancakes for lunch today, stuffed with a mixture of lightly spiced mashed potatoes, sauteed onions livened up with just a hint of chilli, mint and coriander and topped with a swirl of golden butter.

    Accompaniments include beaten, fluffy yoghurt light as air and a home-made dip made from tender, young mangoes and spices, red as uncut rubies...!!!

    Hindi Translation:
    We are serving 'Aloo Parathas' with dahi and achaar..!!!