• Military Training

    Budget cuts to the Defence force forced the training team to start doing mock combat using no explosives, guns, or basically any equipment what-so-ever, so when it came to a training scenario, the Sergeant in charge tells his recruits that they are under imaginary fire, and what do they do?

    So all of the recruits except one scatter and get down behind "stuff", and get into returning fire positions. The Sergeant notices this one recruit standing out in the open, quite relaxed and unfazed.

    Yelling, the Sergeant asks, "What the devil do you think you're doing? You're under fire!"

    So the recruit takes one step to the left and remains still.

    Now the Sergeant's really annoyed. He yells again, "What the Hell are you doing? You're under imaginary fire, take cover!"

    The recruit turns to him and replies, "I'm taking cover behind this imaginary tree Sergeant!"
  • Breakfast Menu

    Officers' Mess notice for Sunday Breakfast:

    We are serving gently browned, delicately hand-rolled whole wheat pancakes for lunch today, stuffed with a mixture of lightly spiced mashed potatoes, sauteed onions livened up with just a hint of chilli, mint and coriander and topped with a swirl of golden butter.

    Accompaniments include beaten, fluffy yoghurt light as air and a home-made dip made from tender, young mangoes and spices, red as uncut rubies...!!!

    Hindi Translation:
    We are serving 'Aloo Parathas' with dahi and achaar..!!!
  • Post Turtles

    While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old veteran, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate of the military hospital, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to generals and their role as our leaders.

    The old veteran said, "Well, as I see it, most generals are 'Post Turtles'.''

    Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'Post Turtle' was.

    The old veteran said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

    The old veteran saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.

    "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb arse put him up there to begin with."
  • Divert Your Course

    Actual transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.

    Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

    Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

    Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

    Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

    Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

    Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.