• Free Whiskey

    A soldier, who was habitually drunk, publicly announced to all the men in his company and surrounding companies that he was swearing off drinking and that all the other soldiers should give up this foul habit also.

    The other soldiers would tease him to fall off the wagon by giving him whiskey and get him drunk. Every morning he would be back preaching about the sins of alcohol.

    One day his friend told him he ought to give up preaching about the evils of the jug as he always ends up drunk.

    With a twinkle in his blood shot eyes he said, "What, and give up all that free whiskey?"
  • A Little Late!

    For thirty years, Officer Johnson had arrived at the police station at 9 AM on the dot ready for duty. He had never missed a day and was never late.

    Consequently, when on one particular day 9 AM passed without Johnson's arrival in the briefing room, it caused a major sensation. All announcements and patrol assignments ceased and the sergeant himself, looking at his watch and muttering, stormed out into the corridor.

    Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, his uniform dusty and torn, his nametag missing, his face scratched and bruised, his shield bent.

    He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs. Nearly freakin' killed myself."

    And the sergeant said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"
  • Dirty Magazines!

    An army major called his wife to tell her that he would be late home because dirty magazines had been found in the barracks, and the soldiers responsible were facing serious disciplinary action.

    "The punishment sounds a little harsh," she said. "After all, most of the soldiers have pictures of women on the walls of their quarters."

    "No, honey,," he explained patiently. "Dirty magazines means the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned properly!"
  • Enemy or Friends?

    The Pakistani Major had grown increasingly anxious over rumors of an impending air strike from India.

    "Khan," he ordered his aide-de-camp, "I want you to climb that mountain and report any signs of Indian military activity."

    "Ok, Major," replied Khan.

    He trudged up the mountain, and as soon as he crossed the ridge he saw a squadron of planes heading their way.

    "There are many planes coming, Major," he promptly radioed back.

    "Friends or enemies?" the Major demanded urgently.

    Khan again lifted his binoculars to the sky.

    "They're flying very closely together, Major," he replied. "I think they must be friends."