• Slower, Older and Smarter

    A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off.

    The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "Watch this!"

    And promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.

    The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that?

    The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive, but watch this!"

    The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said, "What did you think of that?"

    Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, "What the heck did you do?"

    The C-130 pilot chuckled, "I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, used the toilet, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll."

    When you are young & foolish - speed & flash may seem a good thing!
    When you get older & smarter - comfort & dull is not such a bad thing!

    It's called S O S - Slower, Older and Smarter...
  • No Prompt Action

    An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realised that he left all the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police.

    The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls and were busy with very important works.

    The old man waited for a few minutes and called dispatch again. He told dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!"

    In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed!

    One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them."

    "The old man replied,"I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
  • An Irishman's Philosophy

    There are only two things to worry about, Either you are well or you are sick.

    If you are sick, Then there are only two things to worry about, Either you will get well or you will die.

    If you get well, Then there are only two things to worry about, Either you will go to heaven or hell.

    If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about.

    But if you go to hell, You'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends you won't have time to worry!
  • The Best Position

    Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby.

    "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one.

    "No," another contended, "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."

    "You're both wrong," the third insisted, "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor."

    The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."
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