• Bottle Caps

    A man walks into a restaurant and explains to the manager that he's from the mental hospital up the street. He says he would like to bring a group of the better-adjusted patients in for a meal, as part of their socialization process. The manager says that would be fine, he's always glad to support the local community.

    "Fine," says the visitor, "but one other thing. We don't allow the patients to have money, so they all carry bottle caps. They will offer these for payment, just take them and I'll settle with you afterwards."

    The manager agrees, and they set a date.

    The patients come in, order, enjoy their meal, are extremely polite to the wait staff, and when they leave, thank the manager and give him large handfuls of bottle caps. The manager tells the man from the hospital how pleased he is, and presents him the bill.

    He looks at it and says, "That's a little more than I expected, you got change for a manhole cover?"
  • Imported Perfumes

    Once Jeeto was riding in a fancy hotel's elevator.

    On the second floor, a young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. She smoothed down the skirt of her hot pink dress, looks down at Desi Jeeto, raises her nose snootily, and arrogantly says: Giorgio Armani, $150 an ounce.

    Just as she speaks, the elevator opens and a glamorous former supermodel, age 45 steps on. She's draped in a mink stole and wears tall leather boots from Italy. She hears what the younger woman has said to Jeeto and flips her hair and boasts: Chanel, $200 an ounce.

    About two floors later, Jeeto has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she stops, turns around, making eye-contact with the two snotty women, and then she promptly bends over, farts... and says: Mooli... 10 Rs per kg...
  • First Date Proposal

    Pappu walks into a bookstore. Not looking for anything in particular. On his way to the back of the store, he spots something of interest. A book with a very interesting title: 'Dating for the New Millennium. What Women Want.'
    So he picks it up and opens it to a random page. Chapter 1 - 'The First Date'

    He glances the chapter over for a few minutes, and rushes out of the bookstore to call a girl he's wanted to ask out for quite a while.

    When he gets home, picks up the phone and calls her. She answers, "Hello?"

    Pappu says, "Hi, Simmi? Listen, I was wondering if you would want to go see a movie with me tonight?"

    Siimis, "Sure, I don't see anything wrong with that."

    Pappu gets excited. He thought she'd say, 'No Way!' but she didn't. So, he decided to take it one step further.

    Pappu asks, "Great, well how about dinner before the movie?"

    Simmi replies, "Sure, that would be great too!"

    "Fine, I'll pick you up about 9, you should have finished eating by then!"
  • Old Age Crisis

    Three elderly women are talking about their troubles.

    "Sixty is the worst age to be," said Ruth, the 60-year-old, "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time nothing happens."

    "Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old, Maxine. "When you're 70, you don't have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothing happens."

    "Actually," said Gilda, the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

    "Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked Ruth.

    "No, I pee every morning at 6 a.m. I pee like a racehorse; no problem at all."

    "Do you have trouble with your bowel movements?" Maxine questioned.

    "No, I have one every morning at 6:30 a.m," Gilda responded.

    Puzzled with this, Ruth said, "Let's get this straight. You pee every morning at 6 a.m. and poop every morning at 6:30 a.m. So what's so tough about being 80?"

    "I don't wake up until 7."