• Resident vs Non Resident Indians

    People's perception in and outside India

    1. Mother-in-law:
    In India - A woman capable of making your life miserable.
    Outside India - A woman you never fight with, because where else you will find such a dedicated baby sitter for free?

    2. Husband:
    In India - A boring human species, who listens more to his mother than you, and orders you around to serve him, his parents and siblings.
    Outside India - Still boring, but now a useful human species that comes in handy when the house needs to be vacuumed.

    3. Friend:
    In India - A person whose house you can drop into any time of the day or night and you'll always be welcome.
    Outside India - A person whom you have to call first to check and make sure he is not busy.

    4. Wife:
    In India - A woman who gives you your underwear and towel when you go to take a shower.
    Outside India - A woman who yells at you not to leave tub dirty when you go to take bath.

    5. Son:
    In India - A teenager, who without asking will carry your grocery bags from the market.
    Outside India - A teenager, who suddenly remembers he has lot of homework when you start mowing the lawn.

    6. Daughter:
    In India - A lovely doll, who brings tears to your eyes during her marriage.
    Outside India - A lovely doll, who brings you to tears long before her marriage.

    7. Father:
    In India - A person you are afraid of, and who is never to be disobeyed.
    Outside India - A person to whom you pretend to obey, after all he is the one paying your college tuition.

    8. Doctor:
    In India - A respectable person with ok income.
    Outside India - A money making machine, who has a money spending machine at home called 'Doctor's Wife'.

    9. Bhangra:
    In India - A vigorous punjabi festival dance.
    Outside India - A dance you do, when you don't know how to dance.

    10. Software Engineer:
    In India - A high-tech guy, always speaks in American accent, always anxious to queue in the consulate visa line.
    Outside India - The same hi-tech guy, who does Ganapati Puja everyday, and says 'this is my last year in the US (or wherever)' every year.

    11. A Green Card holder bachelor:
    In India - The guy can't speak hindi, parents of good looking girls are dying to hook him, wears jacket in summer, says he has a BMW back there.
    Outside India - The guy can't speak proper English, wears jacket all the time, works in a candy store at Manhattan, dreams of owning a BMW.
  • Pet Squirrel !!!

    A couple bought themselves a squirrel pet. One night they went out for dinner and locked the squirrel in the closet.

    Later that night a thief broke into their house. The thief was in the process of stealing the couple's valuables when he heard the couple's car arriving home.

    The thief then immediately hid in the closet. The owners came into the house and went straight to bed.

    In the middle of the night they were awoken by a scream from the closet. The husband opened the closet to see the thief squirming on the floor. The husband immediately bound the thief tightly with some rope and asked what made him yell so loud.

    The thief replied in pain, "When your squirrel took my ass for a hollow in a tree, I held out.... Then it took my balls for nuts and I gritted my teeth... Then it decided to carry the nuts into the hollow... that's when I cracked up!!!"
  • I'm Old!

    Now that I'm 'Older' (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered.

    1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

    2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

    3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

    4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

    5. All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

    6. If all is not lost, where is it?

    7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

    8. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

    9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

    10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

    11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

    12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

    13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

    14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

    15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

    16. It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.

    17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

    18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter -- I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.

    19. I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU OR NOT!!!

    20. Funny, I don't remember being ... absent-minded.
  • Sunday Edition!

    "WHERE is my SUNDAY paper???" The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

    "Madam," said the newspaper employee, "Today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY."

    There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter...

    "Well, shit, that explains why no one was at church either."
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