Miscellaneous Jokes

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FBI Assassin

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testings were done three finalists remained. Richard, Sam and Jane were to be given a final test. For the final test, the FBI agents took Richard to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find Betty, your wife, sitting in a chair. Kill Her!"

Richard said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

Sam was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes.

Sam came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally it was Jane's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband Bob. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood Jane, wiping the sweat from her brow.

"The gun was loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with a chair."

Fake Encounter!

During Terrorism days in Punjab, a terrorist before his daring escape from prison, had been photographed from four different angles.

The Punjab Police sent copies of the pictures to police chiefs all across the different police districts, with orders to notify the headquarter the moment an arrest was made.

The pictures were duly circulated in different police stations.

The next day, the the headquarter received a wireless from the ambitious Police Inspector of a remote Police Station:

"PICTURES RECEIVED. ALL FOUR SHOT DEAD WHILE RESISTING ARREST!"

Beware of a Lover!

10 advantages of not having a "LOVER".

1. Save time.

2. Can sleep well.

3. Don't have to bother about missed calls.

4. Don't have to worry about how you look.

5. Can eat in any restaurant.

6. No boring SMS in the middle of night.

7. Can talk with all girls.

8. You won't hear `aaw.. You are dull today`.

9. Can go anywhere with any one.

10. Don't have to listen same old crap jokes..

BONUS:- You will live a long life... So be aware of LOVER!

Identical Horses!!!

A guy walks into a bar looking frustrated. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"

The guy replies, "Well I've got these two horses and I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender suggests, "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"

The guy says, "That sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."

A few months later, he returns to the bar in worse condition. "I shaved the tail of one of the horses, but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!"

The bartender says, "Why don't you try shaving the mane?"

A few months later the guy is back. "I shaved the mane of one of the horses, but it grew back!"

The bartender yells, "Just measure the damn horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The guy storms out of the bar.

The next day, the guy runs into the bar. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses, and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"

Quotes

Love is a serious mental disease.

Trivia

Human eyes remain the same size from birth onward but noses and ears never stop growing.

Graffiti

If the enemy is in range, so are you.