• Indian TV Journalism

    Present day Indian TV Journalism Here's how the Indian TV news channels would report the 'Jack and Jill' nursery rhyme. All names (except those of Jack and Jill), are fictitious.

    Prashant - TV Anchor: Two persons have been injured in a freak climbing accident. Jack and his companion Jill had gone up a hill to fetch a pail of water when Jack fell down and broke his crown. Jill came tumbling after. Live from the hill, our reporter, Amrita Shah, takes up the story.

    Amrita Shah: Thank you Prashant. Well, as you say, two persons - Jack and Jill - had gone up a hill to fetch a pail of water. Suddenly, Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. Prashant.

    Prashant: Thank you Amrita. What do we know about the hill?

    Amrita: Not too much. Jack was going up the hill to fetch a pail of water when he fell down and broke his crown. Jill came tumbling after.

    [Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: "Hill breaks crown of pail-boy Jack"]

    Prashant: What news of Jack and Jill?

    Amrita: Prashant, it seems that Jack had gone up the hill to fetch a pail of water. We know nothing about the pail, or how heavy it was but it seems that Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. I have here with me, an eyewitness to the accident, Mr Shahid Trivedi. Mr Shahid, tell us what you saw.

    Shahid Trivedi: Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

    [Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: "Boy and girl tumble down hill. Water spilled"]

    Amrita: Jack and Jill. What do we know about them? Are they brother and sister? Are they married? Just what were they doing on the hill together?

    Shahid Trivedi: Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail a water.

    Amrita: And what happened next?

    Shahid Trivedi: Jack fell down and broke his crown.

    Amrita: Go on.

    Shahid Trivedi: And Jill came tumbling after.

    Amrita: Prashant, there you have it. Two people innocently going about their business to fetch a pail of water when one of them falls down, breaks his crown, and the other comes tumbling after. Back to you in the studio Prashant.

    [Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: "Water errand ends in tragedy"]

    Prashant: I have with me in the studio now, Professor Chandrashekar Belagare from the Indian Institute of Applied Hill Sciences. Professor: a hill; Jack; Jill; a pail of water. A tragedy waiting to happen?

    Professor: Well that depends on the hill, the two persons, the object they were carrying and the conditions underfoot. Let us look at the evidence so far.

    Jack and Jill
    Went up the hill
    To fetch a pail of water.
    Jack fell down
    And broke his crown
    And Jill came tumbling after.

    Clearly, one would suspect that if Jack's fall was severe enough to break his crown then the surface of the hill must have been slippery or unstable. But I think we're overlooking something quite fundamental here. Who was carrying the pail? Jack fell down and broke his crown and - this is the key - Jill came tumbling after. If Jack and Jill had been carrying the pail together, would they not have fallen at the same time? The fact that Jill came tumbling after suggests that Jack lost his footing first and perhaps knocked Jill over as he slipped.

    Prashant: Professor thank you very much. So there we have it, two persons - Jack and Jill - went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. Later in the programme, Osama bin Laden captured in Afghanistan, President Bush says rent-boy menage-a-trois was "just a brief lapse of judgement", and Pakistan launches nuclear warheads against key Indian cities. But next up, join us after the break for a studio discussion about hills, boys and girls and whether water-fetching trips should be supervised.
    We'll be right back...
  • Dating Ads for Seniors

    You can say what you want about Florida, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north. These are actual ads seen in 'The Villages'' Florida newspaper. Who says seniors don't have a sense of humour?

    Foxy Lady
    Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6').
    Searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

    Ling Term Commitment
    Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband. Looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

    Senenity Now
    I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

    Winning Smile
    Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
    Beatles or Stones?
    I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.
    If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen,let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

    Memories
    I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
    If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.

    Mint Cindition
    Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

    Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
  • Alzheimer's Strikes Again!

    Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. When an old Grandpa walked by.

    And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are."

    The old man said, "There is no way you can guess it, you old fools."

    One of the old Grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age..."

    Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers. The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.

    Then they all piped up and said, "You're 87 years old!"

    Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, "How in the world did you guess?"

    Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison..."We were at your birthday party yesterday!"
  • Drunk Driving!!!

    This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk.

    The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking.

    With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few glasses of single malt there after.

    Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcotest (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he is going to be arrested.

    The Englishman answers with humour: No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you know that this is a British car and my wife is driving... on the other side???
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