Miscellaneous Jokes

They made an engaging looking couple in the swank restaurant: The man was handsome, graying and obviously well off; the woman was a joy to any eye - very young, ravishing and delectable.

As they each read their menus, the gentleman asked his date what she would like to eat.

She scanned the menu yet again, and said, "To begin, I'll have two champagne cocktails, then a dozen oysters on the half shell and a tureen of turtle soup. As entrees I'll have the filet of English sole followed by pheasant under glass, plus an a la carte order of asparagus tips. For dessert, just bring the cart.

Somewhat surprised not only by her appetite, but by the cost of all of this, he asked, "Tell me. Do you eat this well at home too?"

"Well, no," she admitted, "But no one at home wants to sleep with me."

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs. 100 and that continues for a year. Suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 75.

"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."

A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 50.

"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor. "First you give me Rs. 100 every day, then Rs. 75 and now only Rs. 50. What's the problem?"

"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."

"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.

"Four," the man replies.

"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense."

A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions.

"Professionally employed?" he asked.

"We're a military family," the wife answered.

"Children?"

"Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly.

"Animals?"

"Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."

Smith went on a date in a brand new Range Rovers Sport ride with his new girlfriend of 1 month....

Smith: I have been hiding a secret from you and I think you'll break up with me if I tell you the truth.

Girl : What is that my love ?

Smith: Am already married and have 3 kids....

Girl: (Pat him on the lap and hissed) You scared a Hell out of me... I thought you wanted to say this beautiful car is not yours....