|An Amish woman is in her horse and buggy heading back home when a Pennsylvania state trooper pulls her over. The trooper walks up to the door of the buggy and the woman says, "Good afternoon, young man. What seems to be the problem?"|
The trooper says, "Ma'am, I pulled you over because you were speedin... I'm just kidding."
The two chuckled a bit before he continued to say, "Actually, I pulled you over because there's strap around your horse's... genitalia. It looks like it's a bit painful, and I wasn't sure if you knew it was there."
The woman replies, "Oh dear, well my husband is the one that rigs the horses. I just clean them, and throw the horse over the fence some hay. But as soon as I get home, I'll be sure to tell him."
The officer ended with, "Please do as soon as you can. Have a nice day."
The woman gets home and says, "Pa?"
Her husband yells down, "Yes, ma?"
To which she replied, "A nice, young state trooper pulled me over today, and said there's something wrong with the brakes."
|Airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening flight from Amritsar, the lead flight attendant for the cabin crew nervously made the following painful announcement:|
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry but it appears that there has been a terrible mix up one minute prior to take-off by our airport catering service. I don't know how this has happened but we have 103 passengers on board and unfortunately, only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologise for this mistake and inconvenience."
When the passengers muttering had died down she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his/her meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free unlimited liquor during the entire duration of the flight."
Her next announcement came an hour and a half later, "If anyone wants to change his/her mind we still have 40 dinners available."
|After the censor board has slashed 50 percent of the kissing scenes and some swearwords in the latest franchise of Bond, 'Spectre,' Twitter has reacted very sharply and they just can't stop trolling '#SanskariJamesBond.'|
Here are some of the funniest tweets.
"I don't stop when I'm tired, I stop when billi rasta kaat gayi. #SanskariJamesBond," posted Billo.
"#SanskariJamesBond has a small idol of Ganeshji on the dashboard of his Aston Martin," posted another Twitter user.
"Villan: Come in Mr. James Bond, I've been expecting you.
Bond: Ji Joote Kahan Uttaru? #SanskariJamesBond," said a Bond fan.
"#SanskariJamesBond will ride a bullet proof Rath, will wear dhoti, will drink branded Mutra and will touch heroine's feet to turn her on," said ROFL.
"#SanskariJamesBond eats dahi shakkar before leaving home when he goes on a mission," Muskaan said.
"# SanskariJamesBond seduces women by lighting aggarbattis in his bedroom and then introduces them to his Mom," said Purba.
"#SanskariJamesBond doesn't drink Vodka Martini because he's a Complan boy!" said Pratik.
"Next series of #SanskariJamesBond willll be directed by Suraj Barjatya and movies'll be called 'Ham Aap Ke Hain Bond' and 'Bond Sanskar Dhan Payo', posted Vinay.
"#SanskariJamesBond does not kill enemy agents on Tuesdays, Thursdays and during Nav Ratri," posted a user.
|One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around.|
The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget."
So they awakened the old man and asked him to tell a story.
"Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep.
"I don't know how long I was asleep when I suddenly was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest darned lion I'd ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this: "RRROOAARRR!!!"
"I tell you, I just soiled myself!"
The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have soiled myself too if a lion jumped out at me."
The old man shook his head and said, "No, no, not back then. I soiled myself just now, when I said 'RRROOAAARRR!!!' Could one of you help me out please?"