• Marriage License

    A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn't, sent them off to get one.

    They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, and got the license from him. When they got back to the judge, he pointed out they had filled the names in backwards -- his where hers belonged and vice versa.

    They rushed back to the clerk's office, caught him again, and got another license. This time, the judge noticed that the clerk had filled in the date in the wrong format. Again they catch the clerk... After five reissued licenses, the judge is finally satisfied.

    Judge: I hope you appreciate why I made you keep going back. If there are irregularities in the license, your marriage would not be legal, and any children you might have would be technical bastards.

    Groom: That's funny - that's just what the clerk called you.
  • The Law Of Attraction

    The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it. The rat was in the middle of the cage.

    Then, the professor kept a piece of cake on one side and kept a female rat on the other side.

    The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it.

    Then, the professor changed the cake and replaced it with some bread.

    The male rat ran towards the bread.

    This experiment went on with the professor changing the food every time.

    And, every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat.

    Professor said: This experiment shows that food is the greatest strength and attraction.

    Then, one of the students from the back rows said, "Sir, why don't you change the female rat? This one may be his wife!"
  • Super-Healthy Granny

    Grandma Jones from the valley had never experienced a sick day in her life, so she didn't take it kindly when a bad case of the flu sent her to the hospital for observation.

    By the time a pair of husky interns got Grandma tucked into bed, she had managed to complain about everything: the temperature, the lights, the skimpy gown, the food and the mattress, especially, the mattress.

    Suddenly, Grandma spotted a small plastic item with a button, attached to a cord. "What's that?" she demanded.

    "If you need anything in the middle of the night, Grandma," said one of the interns, "just press that button."

    "What does it do, ring a bell?" she asked.

    "No, it turns on a light in the hall for the nurse on duty," the intern replied.

    "A light in the hall?" responded Grandma. "Look, I'm the sick one around here. If the night nurse needs a light on in the hall, she can get up and switch it on herself."
  • Not all seniors are senile

    An elderly couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.

    Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered. They found the old desk they'd shared, where Jerry had carved: "I love you, Sally"

    On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand dollars!



    Jerry said, "We've got to give it back."



    Sally said, "Finders keepers."



    She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

    The next day, two police officers, who were canvassing the neighbourhood looking for the money, knocked on their door.

    "Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?"

    Sally said, "No."

    Jerry said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

    Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

    The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him.

    One said, "Tell us the story from the beginning."

    Jerry said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday...."

    The first police officer turned to his partner and said, "Buddy, let's get out of here."

    NO ONE BELIEVES SENIORS...... EVERYONE THINKS THEY ARE SENILE.