• The Old Bore

    A tired minister was at home resting, and through the window he saw a woman approaching his door. She was one of those too-talkative people, and he was not anxious to talk with her. He said to his wife, "I'll just duck upstairs and wait until she goes away."

    An hour passed, then he tiptoed to the stair landing and listened... not a sound.

    He was very pleased, so he started down calling loudly to his wife, "Well, my Dear, did you get rid of that old bore at last?"

    The next moment he heard the voice of the same woman, and she couldn't possibly have missed hearing him. Two steps down, he saw them both staring up at him. It seemed truly a crisis moment.

    The quick-thinking minister's wife answered, "Yes, Dear, she went away over an hour ago. But Mrs. Jones has come to call in the meantime, and I'm sure you'll be glad to greet her."
  • Counting In The Courtyard

    A group of people were touring a university campus and they noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.

    "What are they doing?" a woman asked the tour guide.

    "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard."

    When we were out of earshot of the freshmen, the woman asked the guide: "So what's the answer?"

    The guide replied, "One."
  • Too Tired!!!

    A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out.

    The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park... and couldn't find his way home.

    "Oy Morris," said grandma," You've been going to that park for over 30 years ! So how could you get lost ?"

    Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, "I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home."
  • Toddlers and Drunks

    Anyone who has raised, or even just been around, a toddler knows these things are true.

    Toddlers and drunks are EERILY similar!

    No personal boundaries.

    Falls over A LOT. Gets up, yells "I OK!" and keeps going.

    Poor decision making skills.

    Spontaneous vomiting.

    Speaks gibberish.

    Cries for no apparent reason.

    Philosophical conversations with inanimate objects.
    Short attention span.

    Argumentative.

    Poor short term memory.
    Zero inhibitions.

    Loses everything.

    Will pass out anywhere.

    One track mind.

    Demanding.

    Getting them undressed (or redressed) is like wrestling an alligator.

    Runs into things that haven't moved..... ever.

    One volume setting - LOUD!
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