|A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.|
His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut." The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
Love the Dad's reply!
"Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?"
|Ever wondered how a HR manager could write a love letter to his girlfriend?|
Dearest Ms. Aparna,
Sub: Offer of Love!
I am very happy to Inform you that I have fallen In love with you since the 20th of October (Thursday) with reference to the meeting held between us on the 19th of October (Wednesday) at 15:00hrs.
I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending upon compatibility, it would be made permanent.
Upon completion of the probation, there will be a continuous on-the-job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses Incurred for coffee and entertainment would be initially shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However, I am broadminded enough to take care of your expenses account.
Request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, Failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best.
Thanking you in anticipation,
|Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C. Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.|
Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc. Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around. Get lots of fresh air.
Open windows whenever possible. Get plenty of rest. Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
Take the doctor's office approach. Think about it... When you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol. Why?
Because alcohol kills germs.
I walk to the liquor store (exercise)
I put lime in my Corona (fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the bar patio (fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh (eliminate stress)
Then pass out. (rest)
The way I see it...
If you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you!!!!
My grandmother always said, "A shot in the glass is better than one in the ass!"
|A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.|
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line.
He says, "OK, now what?"