• Make Me An Uncle!

    Stan is seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barge in holding their newborn baby.

    "Stop! You can't do this!" exclaims the brother.

    "And why not?" asks Stan.

    "Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday? Like my wife and I have here?"

    Stan says nothing.

    The brother grows impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle."

    Stan can't take it anymore.

    He gives his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asks his brother, "You're sure you want a nephew?"

    "Yes," the brother replies. "It would be an honor."

    "Well, congratulations, you're holding him."
  • Some Indian Puns

    Laxman to Seeta: Stay offline`

    My watch is stuck between 2 and 2.30. It's a do or dhai situation.

    Jaya to Abhishek, spotting Amitabh in a rickshaw, "Rickshey Mein toh Woh Tumhare Baap Lagte Hai."

    Potato after 3 hours of interrogation by cops: 'Main batata hun, main batata hun.....

    A well executed theft without leaving any finger prints is a stainless steal.

    Sita, on Hanuman's arrival in Lanka: Yahoo! Messenger...

    Friends pay restaurant bills on a de-tu-de basis.

    'I laughed yesterday' in Hindi: 'Michael Hussey'

    Jackky, Life Mein Kitni Bhi Problems Aa Jaye Tum Kabhi Bhagnani.

    Elderly lady asked me the way to the temple. I replied 'Magistrate'.

    Me: Excuse me! Beer Ke Saath Kuch Complementary Toh Do..."
    Waiter: Nice Shirt, Saabji!

    Rahul Dravid's wristwatch, is technically a Wall Clock.

    Arsenal Naam Hi Galat Hai. Na- Se- Nal Hota Hai!

    Toll Booths are nothing but Bill Gates.

    Weed, tobacco, paper, filter: Joint family.

    What's the way to the cemetery?
    Go straight and take the last rite.

    God never tasted any cough syrup, because Khuda-na-Khasta.

    Go straight, then take the last rite.

    Vishwanathan Anand always gets tense, when the waiter brings in the folder and says 'Check!'
  • Green Leaf Salad!

    I called my Arab friend home for a traditional 'Onam Sadya' (traditional lunch).

    The Arab friend asked me: Is the Onam lunch Veg or Non veg?

    I told him: It's Vegetarian, are you coming?

    He said he would come. And he came and sat for the 'Sadya' (lunch).

    I placed the traditional big banana leaf and a glass of water in front of him to serve the Onam lunch, and went inside to bring the Onam meal.

    When I came back, my Arab friend ate the big banana leaf and drank the water, and said: Masha Alla... Thamam... This is the first time I have ever eaten such a big leaf as 'Salad'...

  • Management Training

    An Indian warrior walks into Starbucks with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.

    He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."

    The waiter says, "Sure chief coming right up."

    He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out.

    The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."

    The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"

    The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.