• Calling Customer Care...

    Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless, and, so easy to see happening - customer service being what it is today. A lady died this past December, and the bank billed her for January and February for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:
    Family Member: I am calling to tell you she died back in January.

    Citibank: The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.

    Family Member: Maybe you should turn it over to collections.

    Citibank: Since it is two months past due, it already has been.

    Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?

    Citibank: Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!

    Family Member: Do you think God will be mad at her?

    Citibank: Excuse me?

    Family Member: Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?

    Citibank: Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.

    Supervisor gets on the phone:
    Family Member: I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.

    Citibank: The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.

    Family Member: You mean you want to collect from her estate?

    Citibank: (Stammer) Are you her lawyer?

    Family Member: No, I'm her great nephew. (Lawyer info was given)

    Citibank: Could you fax us a certificate of death?

    Family Member: Sure. (Fax number was given)

    After they get the fax:
    Citibank: Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.

    Family Member: Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.

    Citibank: Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.

    (What is wrong with these people?!?)
    Family Member: Would you like her new billing address?

    Citibank: That might help....

    Family Member: Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.

    Citibank: Sir, that's a cemetery!
    Family Member: And what do you do with dead people on your planet???
  • Girlfriend Hone Ke Phaayde

    Hamare Purush Users Ne Hhumse Poochha Hai Ki Jeevan Mein Premika Ke Hone Ke Kya Phaayde Hain. Atah Aaj Hum Batayenge Ki Jeeven Mein Girlfriend Hone Ke Kya-Kya Faayde Hain.

    1. Doston Mein Aapki Izzat Bad Jaati Hai
    Ye Jeevan Ka Ek Kadva Sach Hai Bhakton. Aajkal Usi Ladke Ki Har Koi Izzat Karta Hai Jiski Girlfriend Hoti Hai. Bina Girlfriend Waalo Ko Koi Nahi Poochhta Hai.

    2. Aap Apne Dil Ka Dard Usse Share Kar Sakte Hain:
    Apne Dil Ka Dard Karne Ke Liye Aapke Paas Ek Sachha Saathi Hota Hai. (Kintu Sachhai Toh Yah Hai Ki Jiske Pass Girlfriend Hoti Hai Uska Hi Dimaag Hamesha Kharaab Rehta Hai).

    3. Aapki Har Baat Maanne Waala Koi Aapke Paas Hota Hai:
    Girlfrind Banane Se Aapke Paas Ek Aisa Insaan Ho Jaata Hai Jo Aapki Har Baat Maanta Hai. (Kintu Bada Waala Sach Toh Yah Hai Ki Hota Iska Ulta Hai, Aur Hamesha Ladke Hi Joru Ke Ghulaam Bane Rehte Hain).

    4. Aapke Bigadne Ka Khatra Nahi Rahta:
    Ladko Ke Ghar Waale Hamesha Chintit Rehte Hain Ki Kahin Unka Ladka Bigad Naa Jaaye, Kintu Sach Ye Hai Ki Ek Baar Ladke Ki Girlfriend Ban Jaaye Ton Phir Bigadne Ke Liye Aur Kuch Nahi Rehta.

    5. Facebook Mein Aapke Post Danadan Like Hote Hain:
    Jee Haan, Yadi Aapke Paas Girlfriend Ho Toh Aap Facebook Mein Jo Kuch Bhi Daalenge Wo Like Zaroor Kiya Jaata Hai. Sabse Pehle Aapki Girlfriend Use Like Aur Comment Karegi, Uske Baad Ladki Ka Comment Dekhkar Aapke Sabhi Dost Bhi Usmein Comment Karne Ko Betaab Hue Jaayenge.
  • Time for Some Mallu Jokes

    1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
    IngumDax.

    2) Where did the Malayali study?
    In the ko-liage.

    3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
    He is very bissi.

    4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
    To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.

    5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
    To yearn meney.

    6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
    He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

    7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
    MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen.

    8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
    Yem Bee Yae.

    9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ?
    He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

    10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
    An Oto.

    11) Where does he pray?
    In a Temble, Charch and a Maask.

    12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend?
    A Malaya-Lee of coarse.

    13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
    Kerala.

    14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
    Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi.

    15) Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait?
    He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'.

    16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
    Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders, We Are Yevery Where"

    17) Why aren't Mallus included in hockey and football teams?
    Coz Whenever they get a corner, they set up a tea shop.

    Now pass it on to 5 Mallus to get a free sample of kokanet oil.
    Pass it on 10 Mallus to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs....
    (My Mallu peeps, no offence, its just a forward..zimbly read and yenjay)
  • The Ant and The Grasshopper

    The Ant and the Grasshopper - Indian Version of story - too good and fact Original Story:
    The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

    Indian Version:
    The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. NDTV, BBC, CNN , Asianet show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

    The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so? Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house. Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter. Mayawati states this as 'injustice' done on Minorities. The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper.

    CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers. Railway minister allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

    Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA] , with effect from the beginning of the winter. Education minister makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions in Government Services.

    The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV, BBC, CNN.

    Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.
    Railway minister calls it 'Socialistic Justice'.
    CPM calls it 'Revolutionary Resurgence of Downtrodden'
    Many years later...
    The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley, 100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India, ....AND As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers, India is still a developing country...!!!
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