• The Perils of Illiteracy

    A man attempted to rob a Bank of America located in San Francisco.

    He walked into the branch and wrote, "This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."

    While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.

    After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest tool in the box, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

    Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK," and left.

    He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of America.
  • You've Got Mail

    Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?"

    "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. I'll have you know, my husband was in all morning! He never heard a thing!"

    After apologizing, I got her parcel.

    "Oh good!" she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages!"

    "What is it?" I asked.

    "My husband's new hearing aid."
  • Chess is Haram

    Saudi Arabia is banning chess, calling it Haram. Reasons are:

    1. Queen doesn't wear burkha.

    2. Queen roams freely wherever it wants.

    3. Queen is more powerful than King.

    4. Queen alone goes to other army's side.

    5. And... Most importantly there's only one queen...
  • Play Your Age

    A lady is having a bad day at the table in Monte Carlo.

    Down to her last Pound 100, completely exasperated, she cries, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"

    A gent next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?"

    He walks away. Moments later, his he is intrigued to hear a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won!

    Rushing back to the table and pushing his way through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.

    He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"

    "I don't know, she put everything on number 24 and when 36 came up, she screamed and then fainted."
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