Miscellaneous Jokes

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Too Young to Die!

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.

"I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a cowboy from Wyoming stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.

He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt. One button at a time. No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest. She gasps.

He whispers in her ear, "Iron this... then get me a beer.

Stupid Salesman!!!

A travelling salesman's car breaks down on a deserted road, and he seeks refuge from the evening storm at a nearby farmhouse.

The farmer, being a kindly soul, says to the man that he can spend the night and they'll sort his car out in the morning.

"There's only one small problem," says the farmer, "We don't have much room, so y'all will have to either sleep on the couch, or share the spare bedroom with Baby."

Thoughts of middle-of-the-night crying, early-morning nappy changing and all those other unpleasant things that come with sharing a room with a strange baby spring to mind, so the salesman agrees to sleep on the couch.

The next morning, he walks into the kitchen in the hopes of scoring some breakfast, and he sees this absolutely stunning, hot blonde busy making coffee. She turns around when he walks in and coos, "Hi, I'm Baby, who are you?"

He replies, "I'm the stupid salesman who just spent the whole of last night alone on the couch!!"

Having a Bad Day!

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric socket.

Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she ran outside and grabbed a handy plank of wood and smacked him with it, breaking his arm in two places.

Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his iPod.

Enforcing The Rules

Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the Midwest, a recent college graduate trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette.

One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her.

Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?"

The man replied, "That's one benefit of owning the company."

Quotes

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.

Trivia

The Iglesia Maradoniana (English: Church of Maradona; literally Maradonian Church) is a religion, created by fans of the retired Argentine football player Diego Maradona, who they believe to be the best player of all time.

Graffiti

Nowadays whatever is not worth saying is sung.