Miscellaneous Jokes

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Chatting While Working

An employee was chatting on the web seriously with a lady called Amy. Manager walks into his cube and asks...

Manager: Can you write me a program for sorting the float values.

Employee (Steve): I am kind of busy with another job. I will be able to give you the complete program by tomorrow.
.......Back to chat......

Steve: Sorry for late reply!!! My stupid boss was here.

Amy: Bosses are really pain right?

Steve: Yep!! They are pain in...

Amy: Can you do me a favor darling.

Steve: I am for you honey.

Amy: Can you write me a program to sort float.

Steve: Oh honey!! It's on my finger tips....Here you go.

Amy: Dude!!! that is what I asked you at your cubicle.

A Day in the Life!

What is Generation Gap?
Father used to walk 20 Minutes to save 20 Rs.
Son spends 20 Rs. to save 20 Minutes.
Surprisingly both are correct...!!!

What is Cultural Gap
If electricity goes in America they call the power house.
In Japan, they test the fuse.
But In India, they check neighbour's house: Sabki gayi hai naa, phir thik hai! ??????

What is Sense of Responsibility
A man goes to library and asks for a book on Suicide...
Librarian looks at him and says: Bhai wapas kaun dene aayega???

Grandfather to Grandson
Go hide! Your teacher is coming as you bunked school today!
Grandson: YOU go hide... I told her YOU PASSED AWAY!! ??????

Sister to brother: What are you going to gift grandma on her birthday?
Brother: A football.
Sister: But grandma does not play!
Brother: On my birthday she gave me bhagvad gita. Uska kya?

Men Are Special

A man is the most beautiful part of God's creation who starts compromising at a very tender age.

He sacrifices his chocolates... for his sister.

He sacrifices his dreams, for just a smile on his parents face.

He spends his entire pocket money on buyng gifts for the lady he loves just to see her smiling.

He sacrifices his full youth for his wife & children by working late at night without any complain.

He builds their future by taking loans from banks & repaying them for lifetime.

He struggles a lot & still has to bear scolding from his mother, wife & boss.

His life finally ends up only by compromising for others' happiness.
If he goes out, then he's careless;
If he stays at home, then he's a lazy.

If he scolds children, then he's a monster;
If he doesn't scold, then he's a irresponsible guy.

If he stops wife from working, then he's an insecure guy;
If he doesn't stops wife from workin, then he's somebody who lives on wife's earnings.

If he listens to mom, then he's mama's boy;
If he listens to wife, he's wife's slave.

Respect every male in your life. You will never know what he has sacrificed for you.

Cell Phone Etiquette

After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed Montreal for Hudson. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice...

"Hi sweetheart it's Eric, I'm on the train - yes, I know its the six thirty and not the four thirty but I had a long meeting - no, honey, not with that floozie from the accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my heart etc. etc...."

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly, when the young woman sitting next to him, who was obviously angered by his continuous diatribe, yelled at the top of her voice, "Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!"

Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.

Quotes

I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.

Trivia

Beyonce Knowles' debut album "Dangerously in Love" earned her five Grammys.

Graffiti

The old songs are best because nobody sings them any more.