• Fixing Car Dents

    Michelle was a very bad driver. After an unfortunate mishap in a parking garage, she took her vehicle to an auto mechanic.

    Seeing that the young woman was quite blonde, the mechanic decided to have a little fun at Michelle's expense.

    "We don't do bodywork at this shop, but I can tell you an easy way to fix the dents. Just blow really, really hard into the tail pipe, and it will pop 'em all out!"

    She thanked him for his wonderful advice and went home to give it a try. After the tailpipe had cooled off, she opened her mouth really wide and placed her lips around the tube. She then started to blow as hard as she could. She kept huffing and blowing until she turned purple!

    It was then that her husband came home and asked her, "What on earth do you think you're doing?!"

    After explaining to her husband how she was trying to remove the dents from her car, he shook his head and said, "That will never work, dear. You forgot to roll up the windows."
  • Ordinary vs Political Thief

    What is the difference between an Ordinary Thief and a Political Thief ?

    1. The Ordinary Thief steals your Money, bag, watch, gold chain etc.
    But, The Political Thief steals your future, career, education, health & business !

    2. The hilarious part is:
    The Ordinary Thief will choose whom to rob. But, you yourself choose the Political Thief to rob you.

    3. The most ironic one:
    Police will chase and nab the Ordinary Thief. But, Police will look after and protect the Political Thief !

    That's the travesty cum irony of our current society! And, we blindly say we are not blind !
  • Normal Politician vs Shashi Tharoor

    What's the difference between a normal politician and Shashi Tharoor?

    Normal Politician: People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
    Shashi Tharoor: Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

    Normal Politician: Twinkle, twinkle, little star...
    Shashi Tharoor: Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

    Normal Politician: All that glitters is not gold.
    Shashi Tharoor: All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

    Normal Politician: Beggars are not choosers.
    Shashi Tharoor: Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

    Normal Politician: Dead men tell no tales.
    Shashi Tharoor: Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

    Normal Politician: Beginner's luck.
    Shashi Tharoor: Neophyte's serendipity.

    Normal Politician: Birds of a feather flock together.

    Shashi Tharoor: Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

    Normal Politician: Beauty is only skin deep.
    Shashi Tharoor: Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

    Normal Politician: Cleanliness is godliness.
    Shashi Tharoor: Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

    Normal Politician: There's no use crying over spilt milk.
    Shashi Tharoor: It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.

    Normal Politician: You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks.
    Shashi Tharoor: It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

    Normal Politician: Look before you leap.
    Shashi Tharoor: Surveillance should precede saltation.

    Normal Politician: He who laughs last, laughs best.
    Shashi Tharoor: The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.

    Normal Politician: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
    Shashi Tharoor: Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.

    Normal Politician: Where there's smoke, there's fire!
    Shashi Tharoor: Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.venance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
  • Rightists vs. Leftists

    I asked my friend's son what he wanted to be when he grows up. He said he wanted to be Prime Minister some day.

    Both of his parents, liberal leftists, were standing there, so I asked him, "If you were Prime Minister, what would be the first thing you would do?"

    He replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people."

    His parents beamed with pride.

    "Wow... what a worthy goal." I told him. "But you don't have to wait until you're Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you Rs. 500. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the same 500 rupee note for food and new set of clothes."

    He thought that over for a few seconds, then he looked me straight in the eyes and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him Rs. 500?"

    I said, "Welcome to the Rightist fold."

    His parents still aren't speaking to me