• The Future Show

    Nawaz Sharif, just finished a speech at the UN, walks out into the lobby where he meets President Obama.

    They shake hands and walk together in the long corridor when suddenly Sharif says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."

    President Obama says, "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will."

    Sharif whispers, "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians, Blacks, Chinese, Japanese and even Indians, but never any Pakistanis. So my son is very upset. He doesn't understand, nor do I, why there aren't any Pakistanis in the show."

    President Obama laughs, leans toward Sharif, and whispers in his ear, "That's because the show is all about the future!!!"
  • Trump's First Briefing

    Trump's first day at the Oval Office. First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI.

    Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately.
    CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.
    Trump: The Democrats created them.
    CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas lobby.
    Trump: Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them.
    CIA: We can't do that.
    Trump: But you have to destroy the Taliban.
    CIA: Sir, we can't do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes.
    Trump: We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East. Let us start with the Saudis.
    Pentagon: Sir, we can't do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We can't have democracy there, otherwise their people will get that oil - and we cannot let their people own it.
    Trump: Then, let us invade Iran.
    Pentagon: We cannot do that either, sir.
    Trump: Why not?
    CIA: We are talking to them, sir.
    Trump: What? Why?
    CIA: We want our stealth drone back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate us as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check.
    Trump: Then let us invade Iraq again.
    CIA: Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq.
    Trump: Why not the whole of Iraq?
    CIA: We need the Shi'ite gov't of Iraq to keep ISIS in check.
    Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US.
    FBI: We can't do that.
    Trump: Why not?
    FBI: Then our own population will become fearless.
    Trump: I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of the border.
    Border patrol: You can't do that, sir.
    Trump: Why not?
    Border patrol: If they're gone, who will build the wall?
    Trump: I am banning H1Bs.
    USCIS: You cannot do that.
    Trump: Why?
    Chief of staff: If you do so we'll have to outsource White House operations to Bangalore. Which is in India.
    Trump: What the hell should I do???
    CIA: Enjoy the White House, sir! We will take care of the rest!!!

    God bless America!
  • Obama Calls NaMo

    Obama: Hey Modi... How are you?

    Modi: I'm good Barack. How are you doing?

    Obama: I'm absolutely fine. Where is Kejriwal, BTW?

    Modi: Not sure, but probably in Punjab or Delhi.

    Obama: He is doing amazing work, I'm so inpressed!

    Modi: !!!

    Obama: The way his Mohalla Clinic near Mahima Furniture, Kriti Nagar is working is fabulous! Also the way Rakesh Tomar, Vivek Goel & Tanya Arora got driving licences without bribe is amazing... it proves that corruption is really coming down...
    Modi: !!!!

    Obama: .... Due to Odd-Even the way pollution level came down at Munirika, Ward No 6 clearly shows his commitment towards Delhi. And don't you think that the way he sent water tanker in just 1 hour to Laxmi Nagar, near Metro station after water pipeline damage was beyond imagination in previous govt.?

    Modi: hmmmmmm... But Barack how do you know all this?

    Obama: Oh Man... It's simple... Yesterday I was reading his 4 page advertisement in New York Times!!!

    ....and few minutes later Canadian PM Justin Trudeau calls PM Modi.... And rest you know....
  • Worst Railway Budget

    Worst railway budget of all time. Totally disappointed.

    No train from India to Bangladesh - Didi disappointed.

    No special bogies in every train for Dharna - Kejriwal disappointed.

    No reservation on the grounds of caste in the bogies - Lalu/Nitish/Ravish disappointed.

    No arrangements for matinee show of Chhota Bheem and Doremon in Trains and stations - RaGa disappointed.

    No 'Kashmir Azadi' express train proposed - JNU disappointed.

    No 'Vibishan Express' proposed - Shratugan Sinha disappointed.

    No assurance of ‪#‎Tolerance‬ by the railway minister - Award Wapasi Gang/ Aamir Khan disappointed.

    No train to Pakistan - Manishankar Iyer/Salman Khurshid disappointed.

    No subsidized water in the trains and stations - Delhites who voted for AAP disappointed.

    No special quota for minorities - Anti Modi gang / Presstitues disappointed.