• Normal Politician vs Shashi Tharoor

    What's the difference between a normal politician and Shashi Tharoor?

    Normal Politician: People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
    Shashi Tharoor: Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

    Normal Politician: Twinkle, twinkle, little star...
    Shashi Tharoor: Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

    Normal Politician: All that glitters is not gold.
    Shashi Tharoor: All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

    Normal Politician: Beggars are not choosers.
    Shashi Tharoor: Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

    Normal Politician: Dead men tell no tales.
    Shashi Tharoor: Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

    Normal Politician: Beginner's luck.
    Shashi Tharoor: Neophyte's serendipity.

    Normal Politician: Birds of a feather flock together.

    Shashi Tharoor: Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

    Normal Politician: Beauty is only skin deep.
    Shashi Tharoor: Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

    Normal Politician: Cleanliness is godliness.
    Shashi Tharoor: Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

    Normal Politician: There's no use crying over spilt milk.
    Shashi Tharoor: It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.

    Normal Politician: You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks.
    Shashi Tharoor: It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

    Normal Politician: Look before you leap.
    Shashi Tharoor: Surveillance should precede saltation.

    Normal Politician: He who laughs last, laughs best.
    Shashi Tharoor: The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.

    Normal Politician: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
    Shashi Tharoor: Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.

    Normal Politician: Where there's smoke, there's fire!
    Shashi Tharoor: Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.venance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
  • Rightists vs. Leftists

    I asked my friend's son what he wanted to be when he grows up. He said he wanted to be Prime Minister some day.

    Both of his parents, liberal leftists, were standing there, so I asked him, "If you were Prime Minister, what would be the first thing you would do?"

    He replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people."

    His parents beamed with pride.

    "Wow... what a worthy goal." I told him. "But you don't have to wait until you're Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you Rs. 500. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the same 500 rupee note for food and new set of clothes."

    He thought that over for a few seconds, then he looked me straight in the eyes and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him Rs. 500?"

    I said, "Welcome to the Rightist fold."

    His parents still aren't speaking to me
  • Impact of AntiRomeo Squads

    Application To Take Wife Out For Anniverasy Dinner

    To,
    The SHO
    Police Thana Hazartganz
    Lucknow

    Respected Sir,
    I am a common man of this country, I have been married for 24 years and my 25th anniversary is coming up shortly. I had planned to take my wife out for a special anniversary dinner, all these years she has been complaining that I am not a very romantic person so I wanted to take her out for a candle light dinner where I plan to have champagne, hold her hands, look into her eyes, present her with a rose and a diamond ring, subsequently I plan to order some mutton with rice eat my dinner in peace and come back home.

    Sir, of late I have been reading in the newspapers that some Anti Romeo Squads have been made to catch rowdy elements who tease girls, Sir I think this is a very good idea and there should be no compromise on the safety and security of our girls, I have also read that just by the look in the eyes these policemen can make out who these Romeos are, and recently they caught a brother and sister sitting together and took them to the Police Station.

    Sir, even though I am not a very romantic person but just for one day I wanted to get that romantic look in my eyes to impress my wife, but Sir am scared that just by that look the Police may think I am a Romeo and arrest me. I assure you Sir that look will all be made up only for a few hours and will become normal after that. As far as mutton is concerned I will order Paneer if that is permitted and think that I am eating mutton.

    I am a law abiding, tax paying citizen of the country and hence Sir would request you to grant me permission to take my wife out for this dinner.

    Copy of my Aadhaar card, PAN card, driving licence, Passport, Identity card are enclosed for your verification please.

    Looking forward to an early reply from you Sir.

    With warm regards yours sincerely
    xxxxxxxxx
  • Samajwadi Party Feud

    History of Yadav family Whatsapp group.
    Mulayam Singh Yadav created Samajwadi Party group.

    Added brother Shivpal Yadav.
    Added second brother Ram Gopal Yadav.
    Added son Akhilesh Yadav.
    Added Daughter-in-law.

    Mulayam made Akhilesh Yadav the admin.

    Things were going decent until Mulayam made the mistake of adding a friend to this whatsapp group.
    Added Amar Singh.

    Amar sent too many forwards, videos and good morning messages. Obviously pissed off a few people. Akihlesh voiced his opinion because his data was getting used up thanks to the stupid forwards.

    Akhilesh removes Amar Singh from the group.

    Mulayam removes Ram Gopal Yadav.

    Akhilesh adds Ram Gopal Yadav.

    Akhilesh removes Shivpal Yadav.

    Mulayam adds Shivpal Yadav.

    Mulayam adds Amar Singh.

    Situation is tense.

    Mulayam removes Ram Gopal Yadav.

    Mulyam removes Akhilesh Yadav.

    Mulyam realises that he removed the admin. Bad call, whatdapp group is going down.

    Mulyaam adds Akhilesh Yadav.

    Mulayam adds Ram Gopal Yadav.

    Akhilesh removes Mulayam...

    To be continued...
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