• Loyal Guards

    Kim Jong-Un and Vladimir Putin were having a summit meeting at a 20-story building. During a break, the two leaders made a bet about the loyalty of their guards.

    First, Putin called his guard Ivan into the room, opened the window and said, "Ivan, jump down."

    Ivan replied in tears, "Mr. President, how could you do this to me? I have a wife and a son."

    Putin explained that he was only joking, and let Ivan out.

    Then Kim Jong-Un called his guard Lee, and told him to jump. Lee started running toward the window.

    Putin grabbed him and said, "Are you crazy? You will die if you jump!"

    Struggling, Lee replied, "Let me go! I have a wife and a son!"
  • Future PM!!!

    Rahul Gandhi walks into a Bank to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, would you please cash this cheque for me?"

    Cashier: It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?

    RG: Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Vice President of the Congress Party. Future Indian PM.

    Cashier: Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of imposters and forgers and requirements etc., I must insist on seeing your ID.

    RG: Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.

    Cashier: I am sorry sir but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.

    RG: I am urging you, please, to cash this cheque.

    Cashier: Look Sir here is an example of what we can do. One day, Sachin Tendulkar came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Sachin he pulled out his bat and played a beautiful shot across the bank. With that shot we knew him to be Sachin and cashed his cheque.

    "Another time, Mahesh Bhupati came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and played a fabulous shot when the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque. So, sir what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, future Indian PM, Rahul Gandhi?

    RG stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says: Honestly, my mind is a total blank... There is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do; I just don't have a clue.

    Cashier: Sir, 500 or 1000 rupee notes?
  • How Government Works

    Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

    Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night."

    So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

    Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"

    So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

    Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the work correctly?"

    So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

    Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?"

    So they created the following positions: a timekeeper, and a payroll officer, then they hired two people.

    Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"

    So they created an administrative section and hired three people: an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

    Then Congress finally said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $780,000 over budget, our funds are low and we must cutback overall cost."

    So they laid off the night watchman.
  • I Haven't Finished...

    An angry senator was attacking a minister of government. The minister tried to interrupt the senator's speech.

    "I haven't finished yet," roared the senator, and went on in his near- defamatory tirade.

    Each time the minister tried to protest, the Senator yelled, "I haven't finished yet."

    At long last when the speech ended, the minister asked, "Have you finished now?"

    "Yes," replied the senator, taking his seat.

    "Then pull the chain."