• How Government Works

    Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

    Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night."

    So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

    Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?"

    So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

    Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the work correctly?"

    So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

    Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?"

    So they created the following positions: a timekeeper, and a payroll officer, then they hired two people.

    Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"

    So they created an administrative section and hired three people: an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

    Then Congress finally said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $780,000 over budget, our funds are low and we must cutback overall cost."

    So they laid off the night watchman.
  • I Haven't Finished...

    An angry senator was attacking a minister of government. The minister tried to interrupt the senator's speech.

    "I haven't finished yet," roared the senator, and went on in his near- defamatory tirade.

    Each time the minister tried to protest, the Senator yelled, "I haven't finished yet."

    At long last when the speech ended, the minister asked, "Have you finished now?"

    "Yes," replied the senator, taking his seat.

    "Then pull the chain."
  • First Official Visit!

    A newly appointed health minister of a northern state (guess which?) whose knowledge of English was somewhat elementary was on his first official visit to the largest hospital in the Capital.

    The Director of Medical Services took the minister round the operating theatres and general wards till they came to the women patients' section.

    "This, sir, is the labour ward," explained the director.

    The minister stopped in his tracks and said firmly, "I will not visit this ward. Don't you know we have a labour minister in the government? I must not trespass into his domain."
  • Straight From the Barber's Shop

    President Zia-ul-Haq's trusted barber seemed to have become infected by the popular demand for the restoration of democracy. One morning while clipping the President's hair he asked, "Gareeb Pur war! When are you going to have elections in Pakistan?"

    The President ignored the question with the contempt it deserved from a military dictator.

    At the next hair-cutting session, the barber asked, "Aali jah! Isn't it time you redeemed your promise to hold elections?"

    The President controlled his temper and remained silent.

    On the third hair-clipping session, the barber again blurted out, "Banda Nawaz, the awam (commom people) are clamouring for elections, when will you order them?"

    The President could not contain himself anymore and exploded, "Gaddar! I will have you taught a lesson you will never forget."

    And ordered his minions to take away the barber and give him ten lashes on his buttocks."

    The barber fell at the great man's feet and whined, "Zill-e-Illahi (shadow of God), I eat your salt; how can I become a gaddar (traitor)? I only mentioned elections to make my job easier."

    "Every time I utter the word election, Your Excellency's hair stands on end and is much easier to clip."