• Bloody Neighbours!!!

    There is a huge house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of irritable dogs allowed to run without leads.

    Her car isn't taxed or insured and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.

    To the best of my knowledge, she has never worked in her life.

    Her bad-tempered old man is notorious for his racist comments. A shopkeeper blamed him for arranging the murder of his son and his son's girl-friend, but nothing has ever been proved.

    All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay.

    Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always out partying in nightclubs. It is not known if they have the same father. They are both out of control.

    I hate living near Buckingham Palace!!!
  • Einstein's Attire

    Albert Einstein's wife often suggested that he dress more professionally when he headed off to work.

    "Why should I?" he would invariably argue. "Everyone knows me there."

    When the time came for Einstein to attend his first major conference, she begged him to dress up a bit.

    "Why should I?" said Einstein. "No one knows me there!"
  • When Einstein Lost his Ticket

    Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it.

    The conductor said, "Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it."

    Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.

    The conductor rushed back and said, "Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one."

    Einstein looked at him and said, "Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going."
  • Celebrities Express

    Some new trains have been announced in the name of celebrities....

    Modi Express: Will not stop anywhere till it reaches the destination.

    Bappi Lahiri Express: Pull chain, another chain will be seen behind it.

    Ekta Kapoor Express: Will come three times on the same platform in slow motion.

    Amir Khan Express: Will run once in a year and pick the passengers as per its choice.

    Salman Khan Express: Can run on footpath.

    Manmohan Express: One and only silent train.

    Dhoni Express: 95% journey @ 10km/hr and remaining 5% @ 400km/hr.

    Mamata Express: Train will run in the opposite direction of destination. Rahul Gandhi Express: Will get derailed repeatedly.

    Congress Express: An experienced driver in each coach, driver Of engine on leave.

    Amit Shah Express: Covers the whole country except Delhi.

    Kejriwal Express: Sure to start but no guarantee it will reach destination... could stop midway if driver decides to abandon train.

    And finally, Indian Railways Ka Shaan.

    Rajnikant Express: Train will remain static at one place and stations will come and go...