• Nissan Main Dealer

    Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

    Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, "You sign! You sign!"

    Nelson says to him, "Look mate, you've obviously got the wrong bloke. Push off", and shuts the door in his face.

    The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

    Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Chinese man back, shouting, "Look, push off ! You've got the wrong bloke! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.

    The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinaman thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him are two very large trucks full of car parts.

    This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him, "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

    The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says, "You not Nissan MainDealer?"
  • Queen Elizabeth & Obama

    As Air Force One arrives at the Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.

    They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards the Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.

    Suddenly, the right rear horse lets out the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is so atrocious that both the passengers in the carriage, must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but, the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident.

    The Queen politely turns to President Obama, "Mr President, please, accept my regrets...I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."

    Obama, always trying to be "Presidential," responded, "Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."
  • The Curious Case of Vijay

    After lots of allegations and jokes, Vijay Mallya goes to SBI to repay the loan.. but see what happens:

    Vijay to SBI person: I want to repay my loan...
    SBI: It's lunch time come after 1 hour...

    Vijay to SBI person: I want to repay my loan, so today I came early at 9.30...
    SBI: We are not open still, come after 11am...

    Vijay to SBI person: I want to repay my loan, I've come at 11 am like you asked me to...
    SBI: Monthend sir, today is too much rush... wait for some time or come after tea time.

    Thursday, (Comes at 2 pm):
    Vijay to SBI person: I want to repay my loan...
    SBI: Have you brought all the documents? Looks like two of your documents are missing... and I need a stamp from the other banks... come after doing it. We can't take your documents like that - it's a govt. bank, not private bank, right?

    Vijay to SBI person: I want to repay my loan , I have come with all the documents.
    SBI: The designated person is on leave... come tomorrow...

    Vijay goes to Bank & surprised after seeing it closed, asks the watchman: Is the bank closed because of me?
    Watchman: Sir... today's 2nd Saturday come on Monday.

    Vijay leaves India... (Facts written & Scripted by a tired customer of so called banks)
  • If I Had Married Him

    One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn't too luxurious.

    When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the President's secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.
    After the conversation President Obama asked Michelle, "Why was he so interested in talking to you?"

    She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her.

    President Obama then said, "So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant?"

    Michelle responded, "No, if I had married him, he would now be the President."

    Dedicated to all the beautiful and intelligent women