• Jesus' Wife

    An old nun who was living in a convent next to a Brooklyn construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch sit with the workers and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.

    She walked up to the group and with a big smile said, "Do you men know Jesus Christ?"



    They shook their heads and looked at each other. One of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled, `Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"

    One of the steelworkers asked, "Why?"

    The worker yelled, "His wife is here with his lunch."
  • Beer Shampoo

    Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 store. As they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?"

    The second nun answered, "Indeed it would, Sister, but I would not feel comfortable buying beer, since I am certain it would cause a scene at the checkout stand."

    "I can handle that without a problem", the first nun replied, and she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out. The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer.

    "We use beer for washing our hair" the first nun said, "back at The Nunnery, we call it Catholic Shampoo."

    Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks, and placed them in the bag with the beer.

    He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled, and said, "The curlers are on the house."
  • Children of Israel

    "Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's something I can't figure out."

    "What's that, Joey?` asked Goldblatt.

    "Well, according to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?"

    "Right."

    "And the Children of Israel beat up the Phillistines, right?"

    "Er, right."

    "And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"

    "Again you're right."

    "And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doing something important, right?"
    "All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?"

    "What were all the grown-ups doing?"
  • Never Be Late!

    A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner.

    However, he was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited, "I got my first impression of the Parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set And, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

    Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk.

    'I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."

    Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late!