Religion Jokes

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Benefits of Being an Atheist

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. The religious man prayed every single day and night, spending much time at church, while the atheist never even thought of such acts.

However, the atheist had a good life. An excellent, well-payed job, and a beautiful wife, lovely, healthy, children, whereas the religious man's job was stressful and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day, and his kids were obnoxious, and non loving.

So one day, while deep into his regular prayer, he looked towards heaven and asked, "Oh God, I honour you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"

A great voice bellowed out from above, "BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"

Job Interview

A guy was getting ready to apply to a local department store for a job.

A friend told him that it was the policy of the store to hire nobody but Catholic Christians, and that if he wanted a job there, he would have to lie about being a Catholic Christian.

He applied for the job and the personnel man asked him, "And what church do you belong to?"

"I am a Catholic," said the guy. "And all my family are Catholics. In fact, my father is a priest and my mother is a nun, Sir."

Sharing the Loot!

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbour and decided to go to a calm place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.

As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.

A few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate and heard a voice saying, "One for me, one for you, one for me, one for you..."

He immediately sobered up and ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest, "Father, please come with me. Come and witness God & Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery."

They both ran back to the cemetery gate and the voices continued, "One for me, one for you, one for me, one for you..."

Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said, "What about the two at the gate?"

The priest almost ran past the church gate...shouting, "We are not dead yet oooohh!!!"

HALLELUJAH!!!

A Preacher said: "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And the congregation cried,"Amen!"

"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river."

And the congregation cried,"Amen!"

"And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river."

Again the congregation cried, "Amen!"

The preacher sat down. The deacon then stood up & said: "For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing, "We shall drink from that river."

THE CONGREGATION SCREAMED, "HALLELUJAH!!!"

Quotes

The resurrection gives my life meaning and direction and the opportunity to start over no matter what my circumstances.

Trivia

Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as a medicine.

Graffiti

If speed scares you, try Windows!