• Drink From The river

    During Sermon on a Sunday service, the Pastor said, "If I had all the Beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

    And the congregation cried, "Amen! "

    "And if I had all the Wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river."

    And the congregation cried: "Amen!"

    "And if I had all the Whiskey and Rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river."

    Again the congregation cried, "Amen!..."

    The Pastor sat down.

    The Junior Pastor then stood up and said, "For our closing Hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our Hymn books and sing, "We shall drink from the river."

    The whole Congregation SCREAMED *HALLELUJAH!*
  • A Special Prayer

    "Anyone with 'needs' to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar," the Preacher said.

    Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

    Leroy replies, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

    The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy; the whole congregation joined in with enthusiasm.

    After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

    Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't 'til next Wednesday."
  • Denounce The Devil

    The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!"

    The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.

    The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"

    The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."
  • God's Laws

    A gang of hoodlums began hanging out on the steps of the church and hassling worshipers as they came in and out. Finally, the situation got so bad that complaints reached Father Murphy, who decided to go out and talk to the teenagers.

    The priest's appearance was greeted by hoots and catcalls. But he went up to the leader and said, "Boys, I think there are better places for you to hang out than on God's doorstep."

    The gang leader defiantly said, "Fuck God."

    Father Murphy winced. "You're risking God's wrath by breaking His holy laws and taking his name."

    The gang leader said, "Fuck God's laws. You name one, I break it. I swear, I fuck , I steal, I smoke, I shoot people. I'll tell you what. I'm gonna break every single fucking law the church has ever make."

    The priest said, "Do you really mean that?"

    The gang leader turned to his buddies and said, "Do I ever go back on a promise? Blood oath. I'm gonna break every church law."

    "Well," the priest said, "I know of at least one sin you haven't committed."

    "Yeah? Tell me what it is and I'll do it."

    Father Murphy replied, "There's a strict church law against suicide."