• Behold, I come quickly

    The new preacher had just begun his sermon. He was a little nervous, and about ten minutes into the sermon his mind went blank.

    After a brief second of complete panic, he remembered what they had taught him in seminary about situations like this: repeat the last point. His teacher assured him this would help him remember what was supposed to come next. So he gave it a try.

    "Behold, I come quickly," he said. Still his mind was blank.

    He tried again. "Behold, I come quickly." Still nothing.

    He tried one more time -- speaking and gesturing with such force that he fell forward, knocking the pulpit to one side, tripping over the flower pot, and falling into the lap of a little old lady in the front row.

    The young preacher apologised profusely.

    "That's all right, young man," said the little old lady. "It was my fault. I should have gotten out of the way. You told me three times you were coming!"
  • I Dare You!

    At a church meeting, a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith.

    "I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and I had to either give it all to God's work or give nothing at all. So at that moment, I decided to give my whole dollar to God.
    I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."

    When he finished and moved toward his seat, there was an awed silence As he sat down, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him, "I dare you to do it again."
  • Spiritually Prepared!

    Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"

    "I think so," the man replied. "We have a caterer coming to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests."

    "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"

    "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
  • Faith In the Lord

    A man was walking in the mountains just enjoying the scenery when he stepped too close to the edge of the mountain and started to fall. In desperation he reached out and grabbed a limb of a gnarly old tree hanging onto the side of the cliff.

    Full of fear he assessed his situation. He was about 100 feet down a shear cliff and about 900 feet from the floor of the canyon below. If he should slip again he'd plummet to his death.

    Full of fear, he cries out, "Help me!"

    But there was no answer. Again and again he cried out but to no avail. Finally he yelled, "Is anybody up there?"

    A deep voice replied, "Yes, I'm up here."

    "Who is it?"

    "It's the Lord."

    "Can you help me?"

    "Yes, I can help. Have faith in me."

    "Help me!"

    "Let go."

    Looking around the man became full of panic, "What?!?!"

    "Have faith in me. Let go. I will catch you."

    "Uh.... Is there anybody else up there?"
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