|Before celebrating a baptism, the deacon approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you sure you're prepared for it?"|
"I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for our guests."
"I don't mean that," the deacon replied. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"
"Oh sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
|Down in the south, there are many churches known as "answer back" churches. When the preacher says something, the congregation naturally replies.|
One Sunday, a preacher was speaking on what it would take for the church to become better.
He said, "If this church is to become better, it must take up it's bed, and walk."
The congregation said "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."
Encouraged by their response, he went further.
"If this church is going to become better, it will have to throw aside it's hindrances and run!"
The congregation replied, "Let it run, preacher, let it run!"
Now really into his message, he spoke stronger.
"If this church really wants to become great, it will have to take up it's wings and fly!"
"Let it fly, Preacher, let it fly!" the congregation shouts.
The Preacher gets louder, "If this church is going to fly, it will cost money!"
The congregation replied, "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."
|These four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority.|
"Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!"
It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved.
"A sign from God! See, I'm right, I knew it!"
But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days.
So the rabbi prayed again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a bigger sign!"
This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.
"I told you I was right!" cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes. The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a VERY big sign, but just as he said, "Oh God...," the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, "HEEEEEEEE'S RIIIIIIIGHT!"
The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, and said, "Well?"
"So," shrugged one of the other rabbis, "now it's 3 to 2."
|At a church meeting, a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith.|
"I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and I had to either give it all to God's work or give nothing at all. So at that moment, I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
When he finished and moved toward his seat, there was an awed silence.
As he sat down, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him, "I dare you to do it again."