|A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man`s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.|
After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it`s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well I`ll be damned." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I`m very sorry. I didn`t mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"
"I don`t have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.
|Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.|
"I will give each of you each one wish, that`s three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie`s eye, `POOF` the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie`s eye, `POOF` there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
"Uncle Sam" (A former civil engineer), asks, "I`m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it`s about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out---virtually impenetrable."
"Uncle Sam" says, "Fill it with water."
|I hope you didn`t take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon."|
"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.
"It`s not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."
|Ever thought, What would happen if temples were Americanised..... ..|
Before Pooja the pandit will not ask for your name anymore. Your social security number will do. ..
Two types of prasad will be available - Normal Prasad & Diet Prasad. ..
Panchamrut will be of 4 types : Normal milk, 2% milk, Skimmed milk and fat-free milk (The same for yogurt). ..
You don`t tip the pandit on the plate, when he gives the prasad. You should swipe your visa card on his scanner. ..
You no more go around the temple from left to right. This is America and everything here is from right to left. ..
Due to fire hazard, no more aarati, only flashlights will be used. ..
To prevent noise pollution, all bhaktas need to use head phones to listen GONG of the bell ..during flashlight-tee (aar-tee).
Soft copies of lord are on sale at $1 per image. ..
The pandit will no longer read the mantra from books, he will use his laptop instead. ..
The temple would re-cycle the flowers used everyday to protect the Environment ..
Sponsors of poojas will be allowed to display a 1.5`x 5` banner on the website. ..
The temple will sponsor this year`s NBA matches to gain publicity