• Superstitious!

    Thief: Oh! The police is here. Quick, jump out of the window.
    Fellow thief: But this is the 13th floor!
    Thief: Hurry this is no time for superstitions.
  • KFC and the Pope !

    After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.
    The Pope says, "What can I do?"
    The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, `Give us this day our daily bread` to `Give us this day our daily chicken`. If you do it, I`ll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican."
    The Pope replies, "I am sorry. That is the Lord`s prayer and I can not change the words."
    So the Colonel hangs up. After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again.
    "Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I`ll give you $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from`Give us this day our daily bread` to `Give us this day our daily chicken.`"
    And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord`s prayer, and I can`t change the words."
    So the Colonel gives up again. After two more months of terrible sales the Colonel gets desperate.
    "This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, `Give us this day our daily bread` to `Give us this day our daily chicken` I will donate $100 million to the Vatican."
    The Pope replies, "Let me get back to you."
    So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican."
    The bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks about the bad news.
    The Pope replies, "The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account."
  • Wedding vows !

    During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer.
    "Look, I`ll give you $100 if you`ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I`m to promise to `love, honor and obey` and `forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,` I`d appreciate it if you`d just leave that part out."
    He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom`s vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says,
    "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
    The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "I do."
    The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."
    The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."
  • Confession to make !

    A man walks in to a confession booth and says I have sinned. What did you do asks the priest.
    I committed a murder.
    The priest says take a drink out of the holy cup and you will be forgiven.
    A women walks in to the confession booth and says I have sinned.
    The priest asks her what did you do.
    I robbed six banks.
    The priest says take a drink out of the holy cup and you will be forgiven.
    Another man walks in to the confession booth and says I have sinned.
    What did you do asks the priest.
    I peed in the holy cup.
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