|The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.|
The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand."
The new priest tries this.
The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, `I see", `Yes, go on` and `I understand.` `How did you feel about that?`"
The new priest practices, saying these phrases.
The old priest says, "Now, don`t you think that`s a little better than slapping your knee and saying `No shit?!? What happened next?`"
|Tommy enters the confessional box and says, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."|
The priest asks, "Is that you, Tommy ?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"Sure and I can`t be tellin` you, Father. I don`t want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I`m sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda ?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia ?"
"I`ll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I`m sorry, but I`ll not name her."
"Was it Cathy ?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You`re a steadfast lad, Tommy , and I admire that. But you`ve sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What`d you get?"
"Five good leads," says Tommy.
|Mrs. Jones was walking down a Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O`Rafferty.|
"Hello," said the Father, "And how are you Mrs. Jones? Didn`t I marry you two years ago?"
She replied "You did that, Father."
"And are there any little ones yet?"
"No, not yet, Father," she said.
"Well now, I`m going to Rome next week, and I`ll light a candle for you."
"Oh, thank you, Father." And away she went.
Several years later they met again.
"Well now, Mrs. Jones," said the Father, "How are you?"
"Oh, very well," she said.
"And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?"
"Oh yes, Father. I`ve had three sets of twins, and four singles - ten in all.
"Now isn`t that wonderful !!! ," he said "And how is your fine husband?"
"Oh," she said, "he`s gone to Rome to blow out your candle ..!!!!"
|A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew, finally making his way to a side aisle and into a confessional.|
A priest had been observing the man`s sorry progress and figuring that the fellow was in need of some assistance, proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. But his attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence. Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?"
"I dunno..." came the drunk`s voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"