• The cure of Holy water?

    One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.
    An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he`d just seen.
    "Son, you`ve just witnessed a miracle," the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?"
    "Flat on his ass over by the holy water," said the boy.
  • The poor Pope!

    A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man`s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
    After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"
    "Mister, it`s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
    "Well I`ll be damned." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
    The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I`m very sorry. I didn`t mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"
    "I don`t have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.
  • Poor Osama!!

    Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
    "I will give each of you each one wish, that`s three wishes total," says the Genie.
    The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie`s eye, `POOF` the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
    Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie`s eye, `POOF` there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
    "Uncle Sam" (A former civil engineer), asks, "I`m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it`s about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out---virtually impenetrable."
    "Uncle Sam" says, "Fill it with water."
  • Sleep walking!

    I hope you didn`t take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon."

    "I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.

    "It`s not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."