|One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.|
An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he`d just seen.
"Son, you`ve just witnessed a miracle," the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?"
"Flat on his ass over by the holy water," said the boy.
|A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man`s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.|
After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it`s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well I`ll be damned." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I`m very sorry. I didn`t mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"
"I don`t have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.
|Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.|
"I will give each of you each one wish, that`s three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie`s eye, `POOF` the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie`s eye, `POOF` there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
"Uncle Sam" (A former civil engineer), asks, "I`m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it`s about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out---virtually impenetrable."
"Uncle Sam" says, "Fill it with water."
|I hope you didn`t take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon."|
"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.
"It`s not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."