|A minister would up the services one morning by saying, "Next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark."|
On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin, and said, "Now, then, all of you who have done as I requested and read the seventeenth chapter of Mark, please raise your hands."
Nearly every hand in the congregation went up.
Then said the preacher, "You are the people I want to talk to. There is no seventeenth chapter of Mark."
|On Christmas, a five year old boy asks his mom, " Mom will I get anything from Santa today." |
Mom says, " No you have been a really bad boy, but if you write a letter promising to be a good boy next year he might give you a present."
Well, after thinking a while boy decides to write to Jesus instead of Santa, thinking that Jesus will make Santa to bring him a present.
So he writes : "Dear Jesus, I promise to be a good boy for the next year."
After thinking about that he decides that it is a big promise, so he writes,
“Dear Jesus, I promise to be a good boy for the next month." And this continues, until boy decides that he can`t be good boy even for one day. Well, next day boy goes to church and steels an icon of Virgin Mary, brings it home and starts writing the letter:
"Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again..."
|Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp.|
As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."
The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries."
The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.
The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries."
The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.
Last, but not least, it was the project manager’s turn.
"And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.
"I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.
|Two guys, of limited intelligence, were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped under the surface. After floating under blazing heat, for 6 days, they ran out of food and water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an old oil lamp (the kind that genies come in). They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. |
Out popped a tired old genie who said, "OK, so you freed me from the stupid lamp, but hey, I’ve been doing this 3-wishes stuff for a while now and quite frankly, I`m burned out. You guys only get one wish and then I’m out’a here. Make it a good one."
The first guy, blurted out, without thinking, "Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!"
"Fine," said the genie, and he instantly turned the entire Ocean to beer.
"Great move, Einstein", said the second guy, slapping the first guy in the side of the head,
"Now we’re gonna have to piss in the boat."