• American Temples!

    Ever thought, What would happen if temples were Americanised..... ..

    Before Pooja the pandit will not ask for your name anymore. Your social security number will do. ..
    Two types of prasad will be available - Normal Prasad & Diet Prasad. ..
    Panchamrut will be of 4 types : Normal milk, 2% milk, Skimmed milk and fat-free milk (The same for yogurt). ..
    You don`t tip the pandit on the plate, when he gives the prasad. You should swipe your visa card on his scanner. ..
    You no more go around the temple from left to right. This is America and everything here is from right to left. ..
    Due to fire hazard, no more aarati, only flashlights will be used. ..
    To prevent noise pollution, all bhaktas need to use head phones to listen GONG of the bell ..during flashlight-tee (aar-tee).
    Soft copies of lord are on sale at $1 per image. ..
    The pandit will no longer read the mantra from books, he will use his laptop instead. ..
    The temple would re-cycle the flowers used everyday to protect the Environment ..
    Sponsors of poojas will be allowed to display a 1.5`x 5` banner on the website. ..
    The temple will sponsor this year`s NBA matches to gain publicity
  • The cure of Holy water!

    One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.
    An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he`d just seen.
    "Son, you`ve just witnessed a miracle," the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?"
    "Flat on his ass over by the holy water," said the boy.
  • Baptism preparations...

    Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"

    "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests."

    "I don`t mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"

    "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I`ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
  • The poor Minister!

    The elderly minister was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents.

    Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 25 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the minister asked her, "WHY?"

    The wife replied that she hadn`t wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box.

    The minister felt that 3 poor sermons in 25 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for.

    She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1."