|Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours, until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge. They type furiously, lines of code streaming across the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries: |
"I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then, " says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better".
Jesus enters a command and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus program is intact! How did he do it?"
God chuckles, "Everybody knows... Jesus saves !!"
|One beautiful Sunday morning, a minister announced to his congregation: "My good people, I have here in my hands three sermons, a $100 sermon that lasts five minutes, a $50 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes, and a $10 sermon that lasts a full hour.|
Now, we will take the collection and see which one I will deliver."
|A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates, Ahead of him is a guy who s dressed in a loud shirt, leather jacket, jeans and wearing sunglasses. |
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven."
The guy replies, "I m Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of New York City,"
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver,
"Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it s the minister s turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary s for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."
|10. Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.|
9. The Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.
8. New edition every two years in order to limit reselling.
7. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn t cafeteria food.
6. Paul s letter to the Romans becomes Paul`s e-mail to email@example.com.
5. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
4. The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
3. Out go the mules, in come the mountain bikes.
2. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn`t want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
1. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.