• Winston Churchill on Whisky

    Sir Winston Churchill was once asked about his position on whisky. Here's how he answered:

    "If you mean whisky, the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children;
    if you mean that evil drink that topples men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness and hopelessness, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fibre of my being."

    "However, if by whisky you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the elixir of life, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes;
    if you mean good cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to magnify his joy, and to forget life's great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow;
    if you mean that drink the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of pounds each year, that provides tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to build the finest highways, hospitals, universities, and community colleges in this nation... then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favour of it..!!!"

    "This is my po.sition, and as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of principle.!!!"
  • Mahatma Gandhi

    Some of history's greatest replies come from people we don't usually associate with great wit.

    In the decades prior to World War II, Mohandas 'Mahatma'" Gandhi led a massive campaign of civil disobedience designed to help colonial India win its independence from the British Empire. In 1931, shortly after being named Time magazine's 'Man of the Year,' Gandhi traveled to London to meet with British authorities. The entire nation was curious to learn more about this little brown man, as many called him. Constantly swarmed by press and photographers, Gandhi was peppered with questions wherever he went.

    One day a reporter yelled out, "What do you think of Western civilization?"

    It was a defining moment, and Gandhi's reply instantly transformed him from an object of curiosity into a celebrity.

    In his heavy Indian accent, he answered, "I think it would be a good idea."
  • Pope John XXIII

    One of the few pontiffs in history with a rich sense of humor, Pope John XXIII once reported to an interviewer that important problems would frequently come to mind in the middle of the night, disturbing his sleep.

    Half awake, he'd make a mental note: "I must speak to the pope about that."

    "Then," he confessed, "I would be wide awake and remember - I am the pope!"

    Once asked by a journalist, "How many people work in the Vatican?" the pontiff pondered the question, giving the impression that he was trying to come up with an accurate estimate.

    Then, with a straight face, he answered: "About half."
  • Get me a Battleship

    After lunching at the Algonquin Hotel, Robert Benchley walked through the lobby, out the front door, and said to the uniformed man on the sidewalk, "My good man, would you please get me a taxi?"

    The man immediately took offense and replied indignantly, "I'm not a doorman! I happen to be a rear admiral in the United States Navy."

    Robert Benchley instantly quipped: "All right then, get me a battleship."
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