Santa walked into a bar one evening, sat down and said, "Bar man, give me 1 bottle of beer, and give everybody here 2 bottles. As I am drinking, let them be drinking."
The bar man obeyed. Everybody hailed Santa.
As they were all drinking, Santa said, "Bar man, give me 1 bowl of chicken soup, and give everybody here 2 bowls of chicken soup each, as I am eating, let them be eating."
The bar man obeyed. Everybody praised Santa.
Minutes later, Santa said, "Bar man, bring me my bill, and bring everybody their bill, as I am paying, let them be paying."
Santa travelling by train to Mumbai and was tearing bits out of a newspaper, rolling them into small balls and then chucking them out of the window.
Perplexed co-passenger: Why are you doing this?
Santa: To keep away the elephants.
Co-passenger: But there aren't any elephant around!
Santa: I know. Very effective, isn't it!
Santa lost his cheque booklet.
He decided to go to the bank after two days to report.
The Bank manager said to him, "But I warned you to be very careful with your cheque book because anyone can forge your signature."
Santa replied, "I am not a fool Sir, I have signed all the cheques already, so, they won't have space to forge my signature!"
Santa noticed that Banta was looking depressed, and asked what was wrong.
"Well," said Banta, "I ran afoul of one of those awkward questions women ask. Now I'm in deep trouble at home."
"What kind of question?" asked Santa.
"My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat and wrinkly."
"That's easy," said Santa. "You just say 'Of course I will.'"
"Yeah," said Banta, "That's what I did, except I said 'Of course I DO...'"