• Punjabi family

    Getting married to a Punjabi? If you are not a Punjabi yourself, then get ready for a boatload of surprises. You will spend the rest of your life with, arguably, the happiest people on earth but with a few side effects. Just don't bother to change them, because nothing done in the past has worked.

    Enjoy the ride and get used to these 16 things:
    1. Everyone, almost everyone around you will talk loudly; get used to it.
    Even if you are standing just inches away from people at home, they will still shout out to you, as if you were standing a few blocks away from them.

    2. Almost every day, there is going to be some sort of drama.
    The smallest things will trigger emotional outbursts. It may involve - you have been warned - crying and cursing, too. Just hold your ground, count till 100 if you are scared or bored and let it pass. Punjabis get back to their good-natured selves very soon.

    3. Don't forget to use the standard prefix 'Ji' else you will be insulting everyone if you don't do that.
    No matter what you call your mom and dad, when married into a Punjabi family, mummy becomes 'mummy ji', Daddy become 'daddy Ji', your sister-in-law becomes 'parjhai ji' , and so on.

    4. A Punjabi family is not big, it's huge, and you've got to keep it like that.
    Relatives are going to be there in every part of the country, and the world. You will have to please them, whether they come from Bhatinda, Ludhiana, Chandigarh or Canada.

    5. Kanneda and Amreeka are scared places. Anyone who stays there is an important NRI relative.
    They are addressed as Kanneda wali bua ji, Kanneda wale Chacha Ji, Kanneda wale Phoofa ji, and you must give them special attention, care and time.

    6. Breakfast means Paranthas. And if the temperature outside is soaring, there's Lassi too.
    Once married into a Punjabi family, forget about dieting. Firstly, they don't like thin and lean people, and, secondly, they won't let you go on a diet come what may. Don't worry about variety. There's aloo, gobhi, muli, daal, even egg ka parantha, which will always be served with a large dollop of butter and a glass of Lassi.
    7. Don't even think about saying 'I don't know how to dance!!!'
    It's the biggest offence to not be able to dance if you're in a Punjabi family. They don't expect you to be professional or poised, as far as you can shake your legs a bit (wildly).....

    8. Forget about saving, only think about giving.
    Punjabis are the most generous people. Being generous runs in the blood of Punjabis.

    9. Sometimes they show off a bit, but it's all in good faith.
    Latest jewellery, big cars, big house, lavish weddings, huge meals; they are going to show off in every aspect of life, wherever it is possible to do so.

    10. Don't mind, but most Punjabis can't converse without abusing.

    11. Be ready for the family hug at every occasion.
    No matter if it's a birthday party, anniversary or wedding, it remains incomplete without a BIG family hug.

    12. Nothing will ever compare to the warmth and love of Beeji.
    Anything small or big, beeji (grandma) will always take your side and lend you unconditional support through thick and thin.

    13. B is always for butter chicken.

    14. All the despairs will be drowned in alcohol.
    Ask for as much as you want.

    15. You cannot wear plain clothes; it is below the prestige of the family. And if you do, this is what you should expect from your mother-in-law.

    16. And lastly, to qualify as a Punjabi bahu, you must know how to make perfectly round chapattis. If not, nothing else can compensate it!
  • Out of Stock!!!

    Santa was appointed as sales person at a local store in Chandhigarh.

    While on one of his shifts, a lady approached him and asked if they had 'Peach Jam' to which he bluntly replied, "Out of stock."

    At this, the lady immediately turned to leave the shop in disgruntlement.

    It was then that the shopkeeper, who had been looking on, called Santa aside and told him, "When a customer asks for a product that is out of stock, you apologize for its unavailability, and then offer other types of the same product. For instance in this case it was peach jam; offer other types of jam like pineapple jam, guava, aprioct jam and so on."

    Next, came in another lady who asked for toilet paper and Santa politely replied, ""I am sorry ma'am, we do not have any toilet paper right now but you could try some Carbon Paper or Sand Paper!"
  • Unfaithful Wife or Friend?

    A co-worker told Santa that his wife was being unfaithful everyday at 1:30 in the afternoon with Santa's best friend.

    Worried and hurt, Santa ran home at 1:30 to see if this was true.

    He came back to the office contented and relieved.

    His co-worker asked him how it went.

    "Look," said Santa. "Don't start such terrible rumors! That guy isn't my best friend... I don't even know him."
  • Miracle, Shmiracle

    Doctor Bloom, who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis, had a waiting room full of people, when a little old lady, completely bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and, amazingly, emerged within half an hour walking completely erect with her head held high.

    A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?

    She answered, "Miracle, shmiracle... he gave me a longer cane."