Santa: I am in big trouble!
Banta: What happened?
Santa: I saw a rat in my house!
Banta: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
Santa: I don't have one.
Banta: Well then, buy one.
Santa: I can't afford one.
Banta: I can give you mine if you want.
Santa: That sounds good.
Banta: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the rat come to the trap.
Santa: I don't have any cheese.
Banta: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
Santa: I don't have oil.
Banta: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
Santa: I don't have bread.
Banta: Then what the hell is the rat doing in your house?
Santa walked into a bar one evening, sat down and said, "Bar man, give me 1 bottle of beer, and give everybody here 2 bottles. As I am drinking, let them be drinking."
The bar man obeyed. Everybody hailed Santa.
As they were all drinking, Santa said, "Bar man, give me 1 bowl of chicken soup, and give everybody here 2 bowls of chicken soup each, as I am eating, let them be eating."
The bar man obeyed. Everybody praised Santa.
Minutes later, Santa said, "Bar man, bring me my bill, and bring everybody their bill, as I am paying, let them be paying."
Santa travelling by train to Mumbai and was tearing bits out of a newspaper, rolling them into small balls and then chucking them out of the window.
Perplexed co-passenger: Why are you doing this?
Santa: To keep away the elephants.
Co-passenger: But there aren't any elephant around!
Santa: I know. Very effective, isn't it!
Santa lost his cheque booklet.
He decided to go to the bank after two days to report.
The Bank manager said to him, "But I warned you to be very careful with your cheque book because anyone can forge your signature."
Santa replied, "I am not a fool Sir, I have signed all the cheques already, so, they won't have space to forge my signature!"