• Diet for Weight Loss

    Needing to shed a few kilos, Santa and Jeeto, went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. They followed the instructions extremely closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for their individual portions.

    They felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful; they had never felt better, nor did they ever feel hungry.

    As time progressed, Santa and Jeeto realized that they were, in fact, putting on weight and not losing it. They decided that they ought to check the detail of the recipes just one more time. It was then that they found their error.

    There, in small print, Santa and Jeeto saw, to their horror: 'Serves 6'
  • Scientists' Reunion

    Greatest scientists of all times were invited to a reunion...

    Isaac Newton said he'd drop in.

    Socrates said he'd think about it.

    Georg Ohm resisted the idea.

    Robert Boyle said he was under too much pressure.

    Charles Darwin said he'd wait to see what evolved.

    Pierre and Marie Curie radiated enthusiasm.

    Alessandro Volta was electrified at the prospect.

    Ivan Pavlov positively drooled at the thought.

    Andre-Marie Ampere was worried he wasn't current.

    John James Audubon said he'd have to wing it.

    Thomas Edison thought it would be illuminating.

    Albert Einstein said it would be relatively easy to attend.

    Archimedes was buoyant at the thought.

    Dr Jekyll declined - he said he hadn't been feeling himself lately.

    Samuel Morse said, "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash."

    Carl Friedrich Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetism.

    Heinrich Hertz said he planned to attend with greater frequency in the future.

    James Watt thought it would be a good way to let off steam.

    Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.

    And Dr. Sigmund Freud couldn't help but give it the slip!
  • Most Careless!

    A Bihari, a Bengali and our Santa were arguing on the hospital ward who was the most careless.

    The Bihari guy said, "I'm the most careless, this morning I ramped a pavement and went head on into a wall, totally writing my car off, and now I have to wear this neck brace."

    "Wow that is careless." Said the Bengali guy, "Not as careless as me though. This morning I drove straight through a red light and into the side of a van. My car is a write off and I've fractured my shoulder."

    "That is careless." Said Santa, "Not as careless as me though. This morning I took a corner too fast, spiraled out of control, went straight into a lamppost and broke both of my legs."

    "That is careless." Said the Bihari guy, "But what happened to your car?"

    "Car!!! What car?" Replied Santa, "I was walking."
  • Expecting Wife!

    Just as Santa was about to fall asleep, his wife shook him and said, "I hear someone breaking in."

    At least two nights a week for twenty years Santa had gone through this. He knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out. So, he went out for a routine check.

    When Santa entered the den he was suprised to see a thief. The man held a gun on him and continued to rob the house.

    As the theif was about to leave Santa said, "You have to go and meet my wife, Jeeto."

    The thief said, "Why would you want me to meet your wife?"

    Santa replied, "Well, she's been expecting you from 20 years."