• Lost In The Woods

    After spending several hours wandering through the woods, Santa and Banta are thoroughly lost. Disorientated, they sit down to discuss what to do next.

    "Hey, I have an idea," says Santa. "If we each fire three shots into the air, someone will hear them and come to help us."

    Banta agrees, so each of them fires their shots. An hour later, nobody has come to help, so they decide to fire three more shots. Another hour passes - still no one.

    "Okay lets try this one more time" says Santa.

    "Yaar Santa, this had better work," replies Banta. "These are our last arrows."
  • Taking Sick Leave

    Story from an IT guy...
    I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'CRAZY' then he would tell me to take a few days off.

    So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker, Santa, asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

    A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing?"

    I told him I was a light bulb.

    He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."

    I jumped down and walked out of the office.

    When Santa followed me, the Boss asked him, "... And where do you think you're going?"

    Santa said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark."
  • Beginning of the Internet

    How The Internet Got Started , According To The Bible. Please do not GOOGLE this one or check with Snopes. They will lie to you.... Trust Me

    In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy (Dot for short). Dot Com was a homely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

    And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

    And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

    And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

    Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

    To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to The People (HTTP).

    And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drum heads and drumsticks.

    And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others" And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known.

    He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

    And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."

    "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

    Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.

    It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

    That is how it all began. And that's the truth. I would not make up this stuff.
  • Father's Ashes!

    A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to get them some snacks and drinks.

    As he's standing there alone, he lights a cigarette. After a while he notices a cute little vase on the mantle. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.

    He says, "What's this?"

    She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

    He turns beet red in horror and goes, "Oh God no.... Oh!!! I just....."

    She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
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