|Santa went for his annual physical check up. All of his tests came back with normal results.|
His Dr. said, "Santa, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?"
Santa replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he`s fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! the light goes on when I pee, and then poof! the light goes off when I`m done."
"Wow," commented Dr., "That`s incredible!"
A little later in the day Dr. called Jeeto, Santa`s wife and says, "Santa is just fine. Physically he`s great. But I had to call because I`m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! the light goes off?"
Jeeto exclaimed, "Oh God !! He`s peeing in the refrigerator again!"
|Santa was driving through the city and his car was weaving violently all over the road.|
An cop pulls him over and asks, "Where have you been?"
"I`ve been to the pub," slurs Santa.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you`ve had quite a few."
"I did all right," Santa says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs Santa. "For a minute there, I thought I`d gone deaf."
|"How does Jeeto like being pregnant?" Banta asked his friend Santa.|
"Oh, she`s not pregnant," Santa replied, "she`s expecting."
"What`s the difference?" Banta pressed.
"Well, Santa explained, "She`s expecting me to cook dinner, she`s expecting me to do the housework, she`s expecting me to rub her feet . . ."
|Exhausted looking Santa dragged himself in to the Doctor`s office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can`t get a wink of sleep."|
"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."
"Great," Santa answered, "I`ll try anything. Let`s give it a shot."
A few weeks later Santa returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I`m more tired than before!"
"I don`t understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"
"That may be true," answered Santa, "but I`m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it`s hard getting him to swallow the pill!!!"