• Scared ???

    A plane was taking off from New Delhi Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the pilot made an announnncement over the intercom.
    "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain, Banta speaking. Welcome to Flight No. 333, nonstop from New Delhi to London. The weather ahead is good and we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now, just sit back and relax."
    Then he quickly yells out loud - "OH MY GOD!"
    Dead silence followed. After a few minutes, the pilot comes back on the intercom and says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was speaking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of hot coffee and spilled it all over my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
    Santa in Coach shouts back, "That`s nothing, you should see the back of mine!"
  • Phone book !

    Santa stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"
    "Yes, Sir ?" said the librarian looking up at him.
    "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
    Puzzled by his complain the librarian asked "What was wrong with it?"
    "It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said Santa.
    The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."
  • 12 year old Scotch !

    Santa walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch. The bartender thinks "this guy doesn`t know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
    Santa takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender: "I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"
    Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch. Santa takes a sip...same reaction. But the bartender still doesn`t believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch.
    Again, same reaction from Santa. Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours a glass of 12-year-old scotch. Santa takes a sip and is most satisfied.
    All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says:
    "hey mishter, tashte this!"
    Santa obliges...he promptly spits it out.
    "It tastes like piss," Santa shoots back at the drunk.
    The drunk replies: "It ish. How old am I ?"
  • My dearest love

    Santa was invited to his friend`s home for dinner. Banta, the host, preceded every request to his wife, Preeto, by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
    Santa looked at Banta and remarked, "That is really nice. After all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names."
    Banta hung his head and whispered, "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."