• 12 year old Scotch !

    Santa walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch. The bartender thinks "this guy doesn`t know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
    Santa takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender: "I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"
    Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch. Santa takes a sip...same reaction. But the bartender still doesn`t believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch.
    Again, same reaction from Santa. Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours a glass of 12-year-old scotch. Santa takes a sip and is most satisfied.
    All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says:
    "hey mishter, tashte this!"
    Santa obliges...he promptly spits it out.
    "It tastes like piss," Santa shoots back at the drunk.
    The drunk replies: "It ish. How old am I ?"
  • My dearest love

    Santa was invited to his friend`s home for dinner. Banta, the host, preceded every request to his wife, Preeto, by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
    Santa looked at Banta and remarked, "That is really nice. After all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names."
    Banta hung his head and whispered, "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."
  • That`s Disgusting

    Santa observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted.
    Santa: "What`s your `Unique Breakfast?`"
    Waitress"Baked tongue of chicken."
    Santa: "Baked tongue of chicken?... Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken`s mouth!"
    Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?"
    "Just bring me scrambled eggs," the man replied.
  • Organic Vegetables

    Santa and Banta were talking one day.
    "My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the produce market." said Santa.
    "So were you able to find some?" asked Banta.
    "Well when I got to the market, I asked the gardener, `These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"
    "The gardener said `No, you`ll have to do that yourself.`"