|Banta went to helicopter flight training, wanting to learn to fly that day. The owner agreed to him up, and instruct him by radio. He showed him the start up, and basic procedures, and up he went. At 1000 feet, Banta radioed, "I`m doing great! I love it! I`m really getting the hang of it!"|
The instructor watched him climb to over 3000 feet, then watched in horror as the helicopter began a dive and crashed nearby. He ran over and pulled him from the wreck, asking, "What happened?"
He said, "I don`t know! Everything was going fine, until I got cold and turned off that big fan."
|Santa, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke his leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned him not to climb any stairs. Two months later, the doctor took off the cast.|
"Can I climb stairs now?" asked Santa.
"Yes," he replied.
"Thank goodness!" Santa said, "I`m sick and tired of shinnying up and down that drainpipe!"
|Mrs Santa accompanied Santa to the doctor`s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone...|
He said, "Mr Santa is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don`t do the following, he will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don`t burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don`t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, Santa asked his wife... "What did the doctor say?"
"You`re going to die," she replied...
|Banta saw an exhausted Santa running up to him.|
"What happened to you Santa?"
"There was this nasty big bull in my street that nearly killed me today."
"Oh really, what happened?"
"I was just walking quietly wearing this red shirt, when the animal came charging at me like a locomotive! He almost got me!"
"So, how`d you get away?"
"Well the bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over."
"That"s scary. If it`d been me, I would probably have shit all over the place."
"Oye! I DID! What do you think the bull was slipping on ?"