|I went on a job interview the other day. I wasn't really qualified but I decided to apply anyway. A week later, I became very excited when I was called in for an interview.|
At the interview, the prospective employer asked a few questions then read through my resume. After a few anxious moments, as I sat in silence waiting for him to finish reading, he put down my resume. He looked up at me and said, "We have an opening for someone like you."
"Really?" I replied excitedly. "What is it?"
"It's called the door."
|A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.|
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "To withdraw all his money from his savings account?"
|Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Her parents divorced, but that never stopped her from wanting to get married. Her mother had found the perfect dress to wear. A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother. Jennifer asked her stepmother to exchange it, but she refused.|
"Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress and I'm wearing it," she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."
A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner, the night before the wedding."
|Two Italian friends are talking to each other one evening.|
Roberto says, "Tell me Geno, in all honesty, what do you think of a woman with a growth of black hair under her nose?"
Geno replies, "Hell no, I would never be turned on by a woman like that."
Roberto says, "OK, so tell me, what about a woman with big black hairs growing under her arms?"
Geno says, "For Pete's sake what are you talking about? I couldn't even have anything to do with a woman like that."
Roberto says, "OK but let me ask you another question. What about a woman with long black hairs growing on her legs, never shaves her legs?"
Geno replies, "Come on man give me a break, I would never get into bed with a woman like that."
Roberto says, "OK so answer me one last question, if all you say is true, why the hell are you seeing my wife?!!!"