|We Indians Are Unique:|
1. Every Indian bachelor wants to marry a fair girl.
2. We spend more time talking to guests at the door when they are leaving than while sitting in the living room.
3. Picking up/dropping a relative (airport/railway station) is an important family affair.
4. We thrive on street food and we don't get sick.
5. Every Indian mother has 2 careers - Working/Housewife + Match Making.
6. Indian girls have 3 types of brothers. Real brother, Cousin brother, Rakhee brother.
7. The bride must cry at her Vidai. She has no business looking happy.
8. We go on cleaning sprees only when we have guests coming over.
9. However old we are, our parents need to know every detail of our schedule. Daily. No excuses. No exemption.
10. When Indian parents buy tickets, every child becomes under 12 Getting a half ticket is a huge victory!
11. If we live in another city and don't call our Mom daily, she'll freak out and call all our friends to make sure we are alive.
12. No other nationality can beat Indians in bargaining. "Chalo Bhaiya. Na Tera Na Mera. Itne Paise Theek Hain."
13. No matter if we are Convent educated. When we are actually angry, we switch to highly effective, dirty, swear words in our mother tongue.
14. When the doorbell rings, a male or kid goes to open the door. But the female runs for her dupatta.
15. Why change the remote batteries when you can just slap the remote and make it work?
16. Meeting a person with the same surname is like finding a long lost twin.
|While walking along the beach in Goa, Banta found a bottle lying in the sand. He picked it up, brushed it off, and out popped a genie.|
"Since you have freed me from this bottle, I will grant you three wishes."
Banta thought for a moment and said, "I'm feeling a might thirsty. I think I'll wish for a pint of chilled Beer." And poof! there was a pint of stout in his hand.
He drank it down and started to toss the bottle away, when the genie said, "Look at that bottle before you throw it away."
He did and watched as it magically refilled itself with beer.
"That's a magic bottle. It will refill itself whenever you empty it. So what are your other wishes?"
Excited Banta grinned, "I'll be taking two more of these!"
|One day a little girl was watching her mom make a roast beef. She cut off the ends, wrapped it in string, seasoned it and set it in the roasting pan.|
The little girl asked her mom why she cut off the ends of the roast. Mom replied, after some thought, that it was the way that her mother had done it.
That night grandma came to dinner and the little girl and her mom went to her and asked why she had cut the end off of the roast before cooking. After some thought grandma replied, that was the way her mother had done it.
Now great grandmother was quite old and in a nursing home. But the little girl went with her mom and grandma to see her and again asked the question.
Grandma looked at them a bit annoyed and said, "So it would fit in the pan, of course."
|As the UK and French governments began plans for the Chunnel (English Channel Tunnel), they realized they didn't have the ability to build it themselves, so they put the project out for bid. Three teams: a German team, a Japanese team, and a Team from Punjab, led by Santa, submitted proposals and were asked to present their proposals to the selection committee.|
The German team led off the presentations, with their main selling point being their engineering prowess. The German presenter showed their latest generation tunnel boring machines with laser guided accuracy, impressing the committee.
The German concluded his presentation saying, "For 2 billion Euros, we will bore from both sides of the tunnel, and one year later we will meet in the middle with and be less than 1 meter off!"
The Japanese had a tough act to follow, but they knew their process quality techniques and enhanced productivity were better. The Japanese presenter showed their latest tunnel boring machines with advanced radar, their acumen in statistical process control, then bowed and stated, "For 1.8 billion Euros, we will bore from both sides of the tunnel, and 9 months later, we will meet in the middle and be less than 1 centimeter off!"
The Punjabi team knew they were in trouble, but really believed in the work ethic of their people, so they decided to pitch their strengths.
Team leader Santa looked the committee in the eyes as stated, "For 1 billion Euros and 50,000 cases of Whiskey, we will bore from both sides of the tunnel, hic, and if we don't meet in the middle you'll get TWO tunnels for the price of ONE!"