• Purebred Police Dog

    My friend, a recent widower, thought it might be a good idea to get himself a dog for a bit of companionship.

    Checking out the pet ads in the local newspaper he came across one that read: "Purebred Police Dog $25".

    Thinking that sounded like a pretty fair bargain, he called and ordered the dog to be delivered and paid up-front by credit card.

    The very next day a van pulled up and left on his doorstep, in a cardboard kennel, the mangiest looking mongrel he had ever seen.

    In a bit of a rage, he telephoned the man who had placed the ad and shouted over the phone.

    "What the hell do you mean by calling that mangy mutt a Purebred Police Dog?"

    "Hey calm down," the man responded, "Don't be deceived by his looks, mister, that dog's under cover and in the Secret Service."
  • Delivering Bad News

    Tom, Glenn, and Scott were working on a high rise building project. Glenn fell off and was instantly killed.

    As the ambulance took the body away, Scott said, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

    Tom says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

    Two hours later, Tom came back carrying a 6-pack. Scott asked, "Where did you get that, Tom?"

    "Glenn's wife gave it to me."

    "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"

    Tom said, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Glenn's widow.' She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.'

    And I said, "Wanna bet me a six-pack?"
  • Announcing Baby Name

    When Donna found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old son overheard some of his parents' private conversations.

    One day when Donna and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.

    "Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!"
  • The Hot Stock

    A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found Bob.

    "I think this one will really move," said the broker. "It's only $1 a share."

    "Buy me 1000 shares," said Bob.

    The next day the stock was at $2.

    Bob called the broker and said, "You were right, get me another 5000 shares."

    The next day when Bob checked in the paper, the stock was at $4! He ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10000 more shares!"

    "Great!" said the broker.

    The next day Bob looked in the paper and the stock was now selling for $10 a share! With all his purchases, Bob had made over $100,000 in just 4 days! Excited, Bob called the broker and said, "Sell all my shares! I want to cash out."

    The broker replied, "I would, but to whom? You were the only one buying that stock."