|A young couple were on their honeymoon and were staying at a hotel with a large swimming pool.|
They decided to go for a swim, and the bride donned a new bikini that she had recently purchased. As she swam and splashed around in the pool, she soon discovered that the bikini was too large, and the top and bottom kept coming off. As they were the only ones in the pool, she and her husband would laugh and playfully retrieve the bikini from the pool's bottom.
That evening they dressed for dinner and headed to their hotel's elegant restaurant, where they were seated next to a huge aquarium. Strangely, the aquarium was devoid of any aquatic life.
When the bride asked their waiter why the aquarium had no fish in it, he smiled broadly and said, "That's not an aquarium... that's the swimming pool!"
|Towards the end of a wedding, the bride's father approached the groom and said, "Son, I received your last minute WhatsApp message asking me for your wedding gift. I found your request a bit strange, but I have to fulfill your wish regardless. Here's the packet of Four Underwear you asked for."|
The groom was startled, then looked at his message again... In a rage, he smashed his iPhone on the floor...
"Bloody Autocorrect! It was supposed to be *Ford Endeavour*'!!"
|A Corps Commander was once visiting an Artillery Regiment of the Corps Arty Bde. A week before D-day, the CO held a special Sainik Sammelan and told everyone that the General was fond of asking questions, but he would ask only such questions to which he already knew the answers. So nobody should bluff. If they didn't have irrefutable and authentic proof of the correctness of the answer, they were not to give such an answer. They should just say: 'I don't know', and that's it; but they were not to attempt a Tukka.|
The Corps Cdr came, he was introduced to the unit officers & JCOs, he was briefed in the Ops Room, and then he was taken to see the gun positions.
The Gun Det-cdr ordered the det to attention and gave a report to the Corps Cdr, "Numbe 3 Gun Det Aap Ke Inspection Ke Liye Ready Hai Sir." The General ordered everyone at ease, and seeing that the Det-cdr was Santa, switched to Punjabi mode, "Janaab, Ki Naam Hai Tuhadda."
The JCO silently thanked God for this question, for which he did have an authentic and irrefutable answer. It was written on his I-card! He said, "Sir Ji, Mera Naam Subedar Santa Hai."
General: "Aa Kedi gun Haigi?"
The JCO again thanked his God as the name of the gun was engraved on the gun!! He promptly replied, :Sir Ji, Ye 130 mm Medium Gun Haigi... " or whatever the gun was.
General, "Ek Gal Dasso Mainu Santa Ji... Main Suneya Hai Ki Is Gun Da Gola 20 Km Dur Jaanda Hai... Ki Eh Gall Sahi Hai?
Santa silently cursed his stars. He knew the answer, but where the Hell was he to get authentic and irrefutable proof from? And at the same time, it was below his dignity to say that he didn't know. So he just kept quiet.
The General repeated his question.
So Santa hesitantly and tentatively said, "Haan Ji Sir Ji... Gall Toh Tuhaddi Theek Hai. Suneya Taan Asi Vi Hai Ke Gola 20 Km Jaanda Hai.... Per Asi Kadi Naal Ni Gaye...."
|A beautiful young Goan woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her, "You have so much to live for," said the man. "Look, I'm a sailor, and we're off to Europe tomorrow, and I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."|
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe , the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three cutlet pao and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,"she replied.
"He brings food and I get a free trip to Europe."
"I see," the captain says.
"Plus," (wanting to make a full confession, she adds) "He's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain.
"This is the Panjim Ferry."