• Dangerous Assumption

    On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.

    The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

    The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

    Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.

    The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit... She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.

    "Is it wine?" she guessed.

    "No," the boy replied.

    She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne ?"

    "No," said the little boy........... "It's a puppy!"....
  • Ex-wife!!!

    An Avid Sportsman and hunter, Tim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, not long after the honeymoon, he was getting his equipment ready for an upcoming hunt. His wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

    After a long period of silence she finally speaks, "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand-loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."

    Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

    She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

    "You were beginning to sound like my ex-wife."

    "Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

    He replied, "I wasn't."
  • Unused Condoms

    Group of army officers were sent to another town for training camp.

    Before leaving the rest of them decided to pull a fast one on one of the officer. They put a pack of condoms in his bag without him noticing it.

    When he got home his wife unpacked the bag and found condoms.

    When confronted he realized the joke and says, "We all got it as a gift. I didn't use mine... others did."

    For the last 2 weeks the whole cantonment is in turmoil..... Other wives are demanding details.
  • Shit Hit The Fan

    Banta's driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden nature calls. He sees a little bar up the way and he pulls into the parking lot.

    When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed! The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, ladies are dancing on the tables and there's hardly standing room anywhere.

    Banta scans the place a couple of times to find the restrooms, but to no avail. Finally, he spots a small stairway and scrambles up. When he gets to the top, he discovers that all the doors are locked. All but one. When he opens the door, all he sees is a big hole in the floor. Desperate, he drops his pants and dumps the biggest load he's ever had right there in the hole.

    Relieved, he calmly walks down the stairs. The once crowded barroom is completely empty, not a soul was in sight. Slowly, a bartender rises from behind the bar.

    "What happened!?!" says Banta.

    The bartender responds, "Where were you when the shit hit the fan?!"
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