• Delivering Bad News

    Tom, Glenn, and Scott were working on a high rise building project. Glenn fell off and was instantly killed.

    As the ambulance took the body away, Scott said, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

    Tom says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

    Two hours later, Tom came back carrying a 6-pack. Scott asked, "Where did you get that, Tom?"

    "Glenn's wife gave it to me."

    "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"

    Tom said, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Glenn's widow.' She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.'

    And I said, "Wanna bet me a six-pack?"
  • Announcing Baby Name

    When Donna found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old son overheard some of his parents' private conversations.

    One day when Donna and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.

    "Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!"
  • The Hot Stock

    A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found Bob.

    "I think this one will really move," said the broker. "It's only $1 a share."

    "Buy me 1000 shares," said Bob.

    The next day the stock was at $2.

    Bob called the broker and said, "You were right, get me another 5000 shares."

    The next day when Bob checked in the paper, the stock was at $4! He ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10000 more shares!"

    "Great!" said the broker.

    The next day Bob looked in the paper and the stock was now selling for $10 a share! With all his purchases, Bob had made over $100,000 in just 4 days! Excited, Bob called the broker and said, "Sell all my shares! I want to cash out."

    The broker replied, "I would, but to whom? You were the only one buying that stock."
  • At Peace With God

    An 80-year old Bava goes for a medical check- up. All of his tests come with normal results.

    Dr Khambatta says, "Sohrabji, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with Ahura Mazda (Parsi God) ?"

    Sohrabji replies, "Ahura Mazda and me are very close. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it such that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom for pee - poof! - the light goes on. When I'm done, poof! - the light goes off."

    "Wow, that's incredible," Dr Khambatta says.

    A little later in the day, after thinking at length over Sohrabji's extraordinary explanation, Dr Khambatta calls Sohrabji's wife.

    "Roshan," he says, "Sohrabji is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with Ahura Mazda. Is it true that when he gets up during the night - poof - the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done - poof! The light goes off ???"

    "Marigyo muo," Roshan exclaims loudly, "He's pissing in the fridge again."