• Self Defense

    Santa was not the brightest guy around. Every day, when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money.
    Finally, Santa decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route, but also take some self-defense classes so this wouldn`t happen again.
    So Santa joined a karate class and soon was doing very well with it.
    One day, on the way home from work, Santa confidently decided to take his old route home and, sure enough, there they were. He walked up to them and the battle ensued.
    The next afternoon, Santa went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip.
    His instructor was shocked and asked for an explanation.
    "Well," explained Santa, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat those guys up who used to steal my money."
    His instructor said, "What happened?"
    Santa replied, "They jumped me before I could get my socks and shoes off!"
  • Expensive doctor!

    Santa goes to consult a famous specialist about his medical problem.
    "How much do I owe you?"
    "My fee is Rs 500," replies the physician.
    "Five hundred? That`s impossible."
    "In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to Rs 300."
    "Three hundred for one visit? Ridiculous."
    "Well, then, could you afford Two hundred?"
    "Who has so much money?"
    "Look," replies the doctor, growing irritated, "Just give me Fifty rupees and be gone."
    "I can give you Twenty rupees only." says Santa, "Take it or leave it."
    "I don`t understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in This Friggin` town?"
    "Listen, Doctor," says Santa. "When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive."
  • Average Penguin Height

    A man walks into a bar.

    He says to the barman, "How tall is a penguin?"

    The barman says about three feet.

    The man says, "Don't you get any penguins taller than that!"

    The barman says, "Maybe maximum four feet but no taller than that."

    The man says, "Oh shit, in that case I just drove over a nun."
  • Waiting for a Train

    Banta is lying across the rail tracks with a bottle of Whisky and a tandoori chicken within reach.

    A passerby asks, "Banta ji, why are you lying on the rail lines? A train may comee any moment and run over you."

    "Precisely!" answers Banta. "I have no desire to live any longer. I want to kill myself."

    "Then why have you this bottle of liquor and the tandoori chicken beside you?"

    "Why not?" demands Banta. "You can't rely on trains running on time any more. You don't expect me to die of hunger and thirst, do you?"