• Beginning of the Internet

    How The Internet Got Started , According To The Bible. Please do not GOOGLE this one or check with Snopes. They will lie to you.... Trust Me

    In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy (Dot for short). Dot Com was a homely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

    And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

    And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

    And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

    Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

    To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to The People (HTTP).

    And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drum heads and drumsticks.

    And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others" And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known.

    He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

    And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."

    "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

    Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.

    It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

    That is how it all began. And that's the truth. I would not make up this stuff.
  • Father's Ashes!

    A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to get them some snacks and drinks.

    As he's standing there alone, he lights a cigarette. After a while he notices a cute little vase on the mantle. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.

    He says, "What's this?"

    She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

    He turns beet red in horror and goes, "Oh God no.... Oh!!! I just....."

    She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
  • Santa Banta Jokes

    Santa Apni Marriage Anniversary Wale Din Apne Ghar Ke Bahar Udaas Sa Baitha Tha, Banta Ne Ye Dekha Aur Uske Paas Aakar Puchha.
    Banta: Oye Bahar Kyu Baitha Hai?
    Santa: Yaar Aaj Marriage Anniversary Thi To Mene Wife Ko Gift Mein Chain Di Aur Usne Mujhe Ghar Se Bahar Nikal Diya.
    Banta: Kyu? Chain Chandi Ki Laya Tha Kya?
    Santa: Nahi, Cycle Ki.

    Santa And Banta Jungle Mein Ghumne Gaye, Saamne Se Ek Sher Aa Gaya.
    Banta Ne Sher Ki Aakhon Main Mitti Phenki, Aur Santa Ko Chilla Kar Bola: Oye Baag Jaldi Se.
    Santa: Main Kyun Bhaagu, Mitti To Tune Phenki Hai.

    Bant Bhagwan Ki Tapasyaa Karna Shuru Kari. Kafi Time Ke Baad Bhagwan Ji Uski Tapasya Se Khush Hokar Prakat Hue Aur Bole.
    Bhagwan: Var Maango Vats.
    Aadmi Sharmate Hue Bola: Prabhu, Aap Jaisa Soch Rahe Ho Main Vesa Nahi Hu, Mujhe To Vadhu Chahiye.

    Teacher To Student: Beta, Answer Sheet Par Sabse Pehale Kya Likhna Chahiye?
    Student: Iss Sheet Par Likhe Gaye Answer Kalpanik Hai, Jinka Kisi Bhi Book Se Koi Sambhandh Nahi Hai.

    Pappu Ek Bar Apni Girlfriend Ko Milne Gaya To Uski Girlfriend Ne Kuch Sungh Kar Kaha.
    Girlfriend: Aapne Muli Ke Paranthe Khaye Hai?
    Pappu: Nahi Nahi, Main To Sandwich Kha Ke Aya Hun.
    Girlfriend: Dont Try To Lie, I Know Lips Can Lie But Hips Dont Lie.

    Santa Ne Ek Bar Bazar Mein Amrood Khareeda Aur Khane Laga. Achanak Usne Dekha Ki Amarood Bich Mein Ek Keeda Hai.
    Santa Gusse Se: Abe Oye, Tere Amrood Mein Se Toh Kida Nikla Hai.
    Amrood Wale Ne Kuch Socha Aur Phir Bola: Bhai, Apni Apni Kismat Hai, Kya Pata Agle Amrood Mein Se Motorcycle Nikal Aaye.
    Santa Ne Ye Suna Aur Khush Hoke Bola: Achcha, Chal Fir 5 Killo Pack Kar De.

    Circus Ka Malik Santa Ko Dante Hue Bola.
    Malik: Be Parwai Ki Bhi Koi Hadd Hoti Hai Tune Raat Ko Sher Ko Khula Chod Diya Thha?
    Santa Hairan Hote Hue: Iss Se Kya Farq Padta Hai Sher Ko Koun Chori Karega.
  • Faulty Refrigerator Advice

    A man calls a refrigerator repair service.

    "My refrigerator isn't working."

    "What kind is it?"

    "It's a small one."

    "Electric, gas or propane?"


    "Ah! Then the problem is most likely vapor lock. You don't need a service call, just turn the refrigerator upside down for a few minutes to allow the lock to clear. Then put it back and all should be well."

    Second call, a few minutes later, "The least you could have done is to tell me to empty the fridge first!"