• Subedar Santa

    A Corps Commander was once visiting an Artillery Regiment of the Corps Arty Bde. A week before D-day, the CO held a special Sainik Sammelan and told everyone that the General was fond of asking questions, but he would ask only such questions to which he already knew the answers. So nobody should bluff. If they didn't have irrefutable and authentic proof of the correctness of the answer, they were not to give such an answer. They should just say: 'I don't know', and that's it; but they were not to attempt a Tukka.

    The Corps Cdr came, he was introduced to the unit officers & JCOs, he was briefed in the Ops Room, and then he was taken to see the gun positions.

    The Gun Det-cdr ordered the det to attention and gave a report to the Corps Cdr, "Numbe 3 Gun Det Aap Ke Inspection Ke Liye Ready Hai Sir." The General ordered everyone at ease, and seeing that the Det-cdr was Santa, switched to Punjabi mode, "Janaab, Ki Naam Hai Tuhadda."

    The JCO silently thanked God for this question, for which he did have an authentic and irrefutable answer. It was written on his I-card! He said, "Sir Ji, Mera Naam Subedar Santa Hai."

    General: "Aa Kedi gun Haigi?"

    The JCO again thanked his God as the name of the gun was engraved on the gun!! He promptly replied, :Sir Ji, Ye 130 mm Medium Gun Haigi... " or whatever the gun was.

    General, "Ek Gal Dasso Mainu Santa Ji... Main Suneya Hai Ki Is Gun Da Gola 20 Km Dur Jaanda Hai... Ki Eh Gall Sahi Hai?

    Santa silently cursed his stars. He knew the answer, but where the Hell was he to get authentic and irrefutable proof from? And at the same time, it was below his dignity to say that he didn't know. So he just kept quiet.

    The General repeated his question.

    So Santa hesitantly and tentatively said, "Haan Ji Sir Ji... Gall Toh Tuhaddi Theek Hai. Suneya Taan Asi Vi Hai Ke Gola 20 Km Jaanda Hai.... Per Asi Kadi Naal Ni Gaye...."
  • A Free Trip to Europe

    A beautiful young Goan woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her, "You have so much to live for," said the man. "Look, I'm a sailor, and we're off to Europe tomorrow, and I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

    With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe , the woman accepted.

    That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three cutlet pao and make love to her until dawn.

    Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

    "What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

    "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,"she replied.

    "He brings food and I get a free trip to Europe."

    "I see," the captain says.

    "Plus," (wanting to make a full confession, she adds) "He's screwing me."

    "He certainly is," replied the captain.

    "This is the Panjim Ferry."
  • Dangerous Assumption

    On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.

    The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

    The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

    Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.

    The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit... She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.

    "Is it wine?" she guessed.

    "No," the boy replied.

    She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne ?"

    "No," said the little boy........... "It's a puppy!"....
  • Ex-wife!!!

    An Avid Sportsman and hunter, Tim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, not long after the honeymoon, he was getting his equipment ready for an upcoming hunt. His wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

    After a long period of silence she finally speaks, "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand-loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."

    Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

    She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

    "You were beginning to sound like my ex-wife."

    "Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

    He replied, "I wasn't."