|Santa and his wife, Jeeto, were living in a farm up in the hills. One day, Santa found that the hole under the outhouse is full. He tells Jeeto that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.|
Jeeto says, "Why don't you go ask Banta down the road?"
So, Santa goes down to Banta's house and asks him, "My outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it."
Banta tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it's in the air the second one will then go off and spread the shit all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole."
Santa thanks him, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse.
He goes home and puts them under the outhouse. He then lights them and runs behind a tree.
All of a sudden, Jeeto comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite... shooting the outhouse into the air.
BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite spreading shit all over the farm.
WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole.
Santa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, "Jeeto, are you all right?"
As she pulls herself up she says, "Yeah, but I'm sure glad I didn't fart in the kitchen."
|A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00, which seemed awfully cheap.|
"Why so little," she asked the pet storeowner.
The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Nick! New arrivals.... want? 25% off now..."
|Santa came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife, Jeeto, with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined
to track down the father to extract revenge.|
"Was it my friend Banta", he demanded.
"No !" his weeping wife replied.
"Was it my friend Ramta then?" he asked.
"No !!!" she said even more upset.
"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.
"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" Jeeto snapped.
|A man from Lahore was touring Punjab and got lost. He saw Santa working in his field and stopped for directions.|
Santa told him how to get to Shimla.
The man wanted to talk a bit so he asked Santa, "Is this your farm?"
"Yep", Santa answered.
"How big is it?" asked the tourist.
"Well, it starts down the road there where the creek is and follows the creek up and over the hill to about where you can see that big tree. Then it runs across back of the barn to a big pile of stones up yonder and then down along the fence there to the road up that way."
The tourist smiled and said, "Well, that's a nice place. Let me tell you about my place out in Lahore. I can get into my car and start out from one end of my property just as the sun is coming up in the east. I can drive all-day and just as the sun is setting in the west I reach to other end of my ranch. What do you think of that?"
Santa thought for a second or two, and then said, "I had a car like that once."