• Banta's Date

    Banta's Date
    A cop stops his patrol car when he sees Banta and his girlfriend sitting on the curb. Banta is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his butt, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.

    The cop says, "What the hell is going on?"

    The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."

    The cop says, "That's not going to make him puke."

    She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."
  • Santa's Curtains

    Santa's Curtains
    Santa enters a store that sell curtains.

    He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

    The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

    Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.

    The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.

    Santa replies, "Fifteen inches."

    "Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

    Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

    The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"

    Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"
  • Umbalo-Gong

    Umbalo-Gong
    Santa and Banta fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later Santa takes a boat over to the other island to see how Banta is doing. When he gets there, he finds Banta standing among a group of natives.

    "Greetings! How is it going?" says Santa.

    "Wonderful!" says Banta, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"

    He points at a palm tree and says, "What is that?"

    The natives, in unison, say, "Umbalo-gong!"

    He then points at a rock and says, "And that?"

    The natives again intone, "Umbalo-gong!"

    "You see!", says the beaming Banta, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!"

    "That is truly amazing!" says the astonished Santa, "On the other island, the same word means 'index finger'!"
  • Santa in ICU

    A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.

    Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."

    The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."

    This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."

    Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."

    Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."

    Replied the other, "Santa."

    A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."

    Santa responded, "Sagittarius."