|A taxi driver driving a Mercedes-Benz picked Santa at the airport one day.|
When Santa got in and they started on their way he enquired what the three pinned emblem on the front is for.
The driver replied "Why? It`s for lining it up at people so you can run them down".
"Ah I see", said Santa.
With this the taxi driver starts heading straight for an elderly woman but at the last second swerves away and hears a loud bang, he looks curiously over at Santa who is hanging out of the car with the door wide open:
"I thought you were going to miss there for a minute!".
|A new soldier, Banta, was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear: No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield.|
A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.
Banta said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The sergeant, who was driving, motioned to the back seat and said, "Brigadier."
"I`m sorry, I can`t let you through. You have to have a sticker on the windshield."
The Brigadier yelled from the back, "Drive on!"
Banta replied, "Hold it! You really can`t come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."
The Brigadier repeated, "I`m telling you, son, drive on!"
Banta walked up to the rear window and said, "Sir, I`m new at this. Do I shoot you or your driver?"
|Banta is pulled over by the same motorcycle cop who caught him earlier last month for not stopping at lights and beat him up. So Banta decides to go for a revenge this time.|
Banta: Is there a problem Officer?
Cop: Sir, you were speeding.
Banta: Oh I see.
Cop: Can I see your licence please?
Banta: I`d give it to you but I don`t have one.
Cop: Don`t have one?
Banta: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Cop: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Banta: I can`t do that.
Cop: Why not?
Banta: I stole this car.
Cop: Stole it?
Banta: Yes, and I killed and raped the owner.
Cop: You what?
Banta: She`s in the trunk if you want to see.
The Cop looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Senior Officer: Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please! Banta steps out of his vehicle.
Banta: Is there a problem sir?
Senior Officer: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Banta: Murdered the owner?
Senior Officer: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please.
Banta opens the trunk, revealing nothing.
Senior Officer: Is this your car sir?
Banta: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The Officer is quite stunned.
Senior Officer: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence.
Banta digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled.
Senior Officer: Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn`t have a licence, stole this car, raped and murdered the owner.
Banta: Bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.
|Banta comes home from work to find total mayhem at home. The kids were outside still in their pyajamas playing in the mud and muck. There were empty food-boxes and wrappers all around. As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess.|
Dishes on the counter, dog-food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table, and a small pile of sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing, and a lamp had been knocked over.
Banta headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife, Preeto. He was becoming worried that she may be ill, or that something had happened to her. He found her in the bedroom, still in bed with her pyajamas on, reading a book.
Preeto looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. Banta looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what I did today?"
"Yes," was Banta`s reply.
Preeto answered, "Well, today I didn`t do it!"