|Two drunk, Santa and Banta, were walking along a dirt road one day when they came upon a pile of some brown stuff on the ground.|
"Is that shit, Banta?" Santa said.
"I don't really know." Responded Banta as he bent over, "it smells like shit."
Santa leaned in and dipped his finger into the mysterious pile. "It feels like shit!"
Banta too dipped his finger into the mysterious pile and without hesitation shoved the finger in his mouth. "Sure tastes like shit, buddy! I think it's definitely shit."
"Hooooeee!" Responded Santa, "Good thing we didn’t step in it!"
|Santa walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of the strongest thing you've got."|
He takes the shot glass and knocks it back. He then asks for another one and knocks that on back, too. After about five or six of these the bartender decides that he's going to cut the guy off.
Bartender says to Santa, "Hey, what's wrong with you? Did you have a fight with your wife or something?"
Santa sighs and says, "Yeah, after the fight she said that she wasn't going to speak to me for a whole month!"
The bartender, puzzled, says, "Well, what's wrong with that?"
Santa replied, "Well today's the last day!"
|A man walking down the street came upon Santa and Banta who are trying to measure an up-right pole with a yard stick.|
Along comes this really big, musclebound shmuck and says, "Hey, what are you guys doing?"
Santa and Banta say, "We're trying to measure the height of this pole."
The man wraps his arms around the pole, pulls it out of the ground, lays it down and measures it. Then he picks it up, puts it back in the ground and says, "22 feets," and walks away.
Santa was now quite mad and yelled back, "You idiot we were not trying to see how long it was...I need to know how high it is!
|At night someone knocks on the door. Jeeto wakes up and asks:|
"Santa, is that you?"
Silence. She returns to bed. Again a knock.
"Santa, don't make me nervous, is that you?"
Silence. She waits a while then returns to bed. Again a knock. She opens the door to find her drunken husband, Santa, standing there.
"You moron! I was asking if it was you, why weren't you answering???"
"I was nodding you!!!"