• Census Taker

    Santa was sitting on his porch, when a man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.

    "What can I do for you?" Santa politely asked. "You selling something?"

    "No, sir, I'm not. I'm a Census Taker," the man replied.

    "A what?" Santa asked, more confused than ever.

    "A Census Taker," he explained. "We're trying to find out how many people are in the India."

    "Well, you're wasting your time here," Santa answered finally. "I have no idea."
  • Explanation!

    Santa wired home that he had been able to wind up his business trip a day early and would be home on Wednesday.

    When he walked into his apartment, however, he found his wife, Jeeto, in bed with another man. Furious, he picked up his bag and stormed out; he met his mother-in-law on the street, told her what had happened and announced that he was filing a suit for divorce in the morning.

    "Give my daughter a chance to explain before you do any thing." the older women pleaded.

    Reluctantly, he agreed. An hour later, his mother-in-law phoned Santa at his office.

    "I knew my daughter would have an explanation," a note of truimph in her voice. "She didn't receive your telegram!"
  • Last Night

    One day, Santa walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.

    "What's the matter?" the bartender asks.

    "That woman I call my wife and I got into a fight," explained Santa, "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days."

    The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender.

    "Yeah, except today is the last night."
  • Black Coffee

    Santa and Banta went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days. As they slid in to a booth, Banta wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table. The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus.

    "No thanks," said Santa. "I'll just have a cup of black coffee."

    "I'll have black coffee too," Banta said. "And please make sure the cup is clean."

    The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and marched off in to the kitchen. Two minutes later, she was back.

    "Two cups of black coffee," she announced. "Which one of you wanted the clean cup?"