• Cab Driver

    A taxi passenger tapped the driver, Santa, on the shoulder to ask him a question. Santa screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
    For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then Santa said, "Look sir, don`t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
    The passenger apologized and said, "I didn`t realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
    Santa replied, "Sorry, it`s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I`ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.
  • No risks

    Santa went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law. During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalem, Santa`s mother-in-law died.
    With the death certificate in hand, Santa went to the Indian Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to Punjab, India for a proper funeral ceremony.
    The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told Santa that the sending of a body back to India for cremation is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as fifty thousand rupees. The Consul then advised Santa that in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to cremate the body here. This would cost very less.
    Santa thinks for some time and answers, "I don`t care how much it will cost to send the body back; that`s what I want to do."
    The Consul, after hearing this, says "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price."
    "No, it`s not that," says Santa. "You see, I know of a case many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can`t take that chance.
  • Appointment

    Banta`s wife, Preeto, and kids all came down with the flu. Upon returning home from the pediatrician`s office with his four kids, he turned his attention to his ailing wife.
    After preparing some chicken soup for her, he picked up the phone to call her doctor.
    The receptionist picked up and he related the situation to her. She then told him that the office was going to be closed for a couple of days, but that his wife could have an appointment in 3 days.
    Banta went ballistic and yelled into the phone, "Three days?! The doctor can`t see her for three days?! She could be dead by then!"
    Calmly the voice at the other end of the line replied, "If so, would you please call to cancel the appointment?"
  • Banta in a theater

    Banta lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to Banta, "Sorry, sir, but you`re only allowed one seat."
    Banta groaned but didn`t budge.
    The usher became impatient. "Sir," the usher said, "if you don`t get up from there I`m going to have to call the manager."
    Again, Banta just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
    In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over Banta. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
    The cop surveyed the situation briefly. "All right buddy, what`s your name?"
    "Banta," he moaned. "Where are you from, Banta?" the cop asked. "The balcony."