• Speech Impediment

    Santa and Banta were enjoying a few drinks down at the local bar, when Santa said to Banta, "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?"
    "Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."
    "Well," said Santa, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"
    "It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied Banta.
    "What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired Santa, "My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"
    "Well," replied Banta, "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!"
  • Constipation!

    Banta's wife Preeto went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation
    "It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week."
    "I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
    "Naturally," Preeto replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night."
    "No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
    "Naturally," Preeto answered, "I take a newspaper."
  • Blind date!

    Banta sets up Santa to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Santa is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before.
    "What do I do if she's ugly?" says Santa, "I'll be stuck with her all night."
    "Don't worry," Banta says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack."
    So that night, Santa knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is.
    He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: ..."Aaaaaaaaaaauuugguuughhh!"
  • Mystery!

    Santa happened to participate in a competition, which was about writing the shortest story.
    The organizers had put a condition that a story must have four ingredients viz. religion, sex, suspense and mystery.
    When Santa's turn came after many attempts by others. Santa's story was of just one sentence which read "Oh god, my wife is going to deliver a child".
    Ostensibly amused, the organizers asked the american whether it contained all the four ingredients! American replied affirmatively and gave his explanation as below:
    Oh god: religion.
    My wife: sex.
    Going to deliver a child: suspense (whether a girl or a boy)
    "Okay.... but where is the mystery?" asked one of the organizers.
    Santa replied: who is the father? He was the winner for writing the shortest story!