|Banta goes to see his supervisor in the front office.|
"Sir," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife, Preeto, needs me to help with the top floor and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Banta," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, Sir," says Banta, "I knew I could count on you!"
|As the crowded elevator descended, Banta's wife, Preeto, became increasingly furious with Banta, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous girl.|
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the girl suddenly whirled, slapped Banta, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Banta was halfway to the parking lot with Preeto when he choked, "I... I... didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't," said Preeto, consolingly, "I did."
|Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. "I thought I was in love three times," Santa says.|
"Thought...?" Banta asks. "What do you mean?"
"Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me," Santa says.
"Wasn't that love?" Banta asks.
"No, that was obsession," Santa explains. "Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn't understand me."
"Wasn't that love?" asks Banta.
"No, that was lust," Santa replies. "And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach."
"Well, wasn't that love," asks Banta.
"No. That was motion sickness!" Santa replies.
|The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help.|
The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe.
The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe.
The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, "Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?"
The safe cracker replied, "Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!"