• Medical Prescription

    Santa's father comes home from his doctor and, though usually quite active with his grand-children, seems to make every effort to avoid them this day.

    Santa notices his dad avoiding the kids and asks him why this is so.

    Immediately the old man whisks his medicine prescription out of his pocket and hands it to Santa.

    His father said, "Read that label. That's why!"

    Santa takes the bottle and reads, "Take two pills a day. KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN."
  • The Ladies Man

    "I'm scared," Banta said to one of his friends. "I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife."

    "Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife."

    "Easy for you to say."

    "You like her that much?" the friend asks.

    "It's not that," declared Banta. "He didn't sign his name!"
  • Constipated Horse

    Banta goes to the vet and says, "My horse is constipated."

    The vet says, "Take one of these pills, put it in a long tube, stick the other end in the horse's ass, and blow the pill up there."

    Banta comes back the next day, and he looks very sick.

    The vet says, "What happened?"

    Banta says, "The horse blew first."
  • Medical Students

    Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed and discussing any abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in passers-by. They would then attempt to make the correct diagnosis. They spotted our Santa leaving a bar sort of "duck waddling" down the street at a slow pace.

    The two students introduced themselves to Santa and told him that they didn't agree with each others diagnosis of the his problem.

    One says, "My friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids, and I think you have a hernia. Which of us is correct?"

    Santa replies, "Well boys, I thought it was a fart, but it looks like we were all wrong!"