|Santa and Banta were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While rummaging through the boat`s provisions, Santa stumbled across an old lamp.|
Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, one did come forth!
This particular Genie; however, stated that she could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter Santa blurted out, "Turn the entire ocean into beer!"
Immediately the Genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned to the finest brew.
Simultaneously, the Genie vanished to her freedom.
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the sudden stillness as Santa and Banta considered their circumstances. Banta looked disgustedly at Santa and after a long, tension filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going! Now we`re going to have to pee in the boat!!"
|A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in our Santa`s field. Santa, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate.|
A few days later, local cops came out looking for the missing politicians, saw the crashed bus, and asked Santa where all the politicians had gone.
Santa said, "I buried them all... out back."
Inspector asked, "Were they ALL dead?"
Santa replied, "Well, some of them said they weren`t, but you know how the politicians lie."
|Santa went for his annual physical check up. All of his tests came back with normal results.|
His Dr. said, "Santa, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?"
Santa replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he`s fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! the light goes on when I pee, and then poof! the light goes off when I`m done."
"Wow," commented Dr., "That`s incredible!"
A little later in the day Dr. called Jeeto, Santa`s wife and says, "Santa is just fine. Physically he`s great. But I had to call because I`m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! the light goes off?"
Jeeto exclaimed, "Oh God !! He`s peeing in the refrigerator again!"
|Santa was driving through the city and his car was weaving violently all over the road.|
An cop pulls him over and asks, "Where have you been?"
"I`ve been to the pub," slurs Santa.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you`ve had quite a few."
"I did all right," Santa says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs Santa. "For a minute there, I thought I`d gone deaf."