• Miracle, Shmiracle

    Doctor Bloom, who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis, had a waiting room full of people, when a little old lady, completely bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and, amazingly, emerged within half an hour walking completely erect with her head held high.

    A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?

    She answered, "Miracle, shmiracle... he gave me a longer cane."
  • Definitely Dead

    A woman brought a very limp duck in to Dr. Santa, a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the duck's chest.

    After a moment or two, Santa shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

    The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

    "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," replied Dr. Santa.

    "How can you be so sure?" she protested.

    "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

    Dr. Santa rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at Santa with sad eyes and shook his head. Santa patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

    A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

    Santa looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

    Dr. Santa turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill.

    "1500 Rs!" she cried, "1500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

    Santa shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been Rs 250, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now 1500."
  • The Old Fisherman

    It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub.

    An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.

    A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.

    "Fishing," replied the old man.

    "Poor old chap.." thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.

    Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, "And how many have you caught today?"

    "You're the eighth."
  • Diet Meal Plan

    Jeeto was very fat. She weighed 100 kilos, and she was getting heavier every month, so she went to see her doctor.

    He said, "You need a diet, Jeeto, and I've got a good one here."

    He gave her a small book and said, "Read this carefully and eat the things on page 21 every day. Then come back and see me in two weeks time."

    Jeeto came again two weeks later, but she wasn't thinner, she was fatter. The doctor was surprised and said, "Are you eating the things on page 21 of the small book?"

    "Yes, doctor," she answered.

    The next day the doctor visited Jeeto during her dinner. She was very surprised to see him.

    "Jeeto ," he said, "Why are you eating potatoes and bread? They aren't in your diet."

    "But, doctor," Jeeto answered, "I ate my diet at lunch time, This is my dinner."