"I'm scared," Banta said to one of his friends. "I got a letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife."
"Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll have to stop seeing his wife."
"Easy for you to say."
"You like her that much?" the friend asks.
"It's not that," declared Banta. "He didn't sign his name!"
In Canada Santa earned enough money to buy himself a brand new car. He drove out of the sales depot with an L-plate on the car. As the car zig-zagged down the main highway, a traffic cop picked him up, "Why are you going from one side of the road to the other?" he demanded.
"I am learning how to drive," replied Santa
"You have to have a driving teacher beside you. May I see your licence?"
Santa pulled out an envelope from his pocket and replied, "Here, I am learning driving by correspondence."
Jeeto came running up to Santa jumping for joy.
Not knowing how to react, Santa started jumping up and down along with her. "Why are we so happy?" Santa asked.
Jeeto, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
"Great" he said, "tell me what you`re so happy about."
Jeeto stopped breathless from all the jumping up and down. "I`m pregnant!" she gasped.
Santa was ecstatic as they had been trying for a while. Santa grabbed her, kissed her, and started telling her how wonderful it was, and that he couldn`t be happier.
Then Jeeto said "Oh, honey there`s more."
"What do you mean more?", he asked.
"Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.
"It was easy" she said, "I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!"
Santa was sitting on his porch, when a man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.
"What can I do for you?" Santa politely asked. "You selling something?"
"No, sir, I'm not. I'm a Census Taker," the man replied.
"A what?" Santa asked, more confused than ever.
"A Census Taker," he explained. "We're trying to find out how many people are in the India."
"Well, you're wasting your time here," Santa answered finally. "I have no idea."