One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw Santa and Banta eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked Santa.
"We don`t have any money for food," Santa replied.
"Oh, come along with me then," instructed the lawyer.
"But, sir, I have a wife and three children!"
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.
He turned to Banta and said, "Come with us."
"But sir, I have a wife and four children!" Banta answered.
"Bring them as well!" answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo.
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo.
Once underway, Santa says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is almost a foot tall."
A very religious man, Santa, lived right next door to Banta, an atheist. Santa prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord.
However, Banta`s life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas Santa`s job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn`t give him the time of the day.
So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked:
"Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbor, Banta, who doesn`t even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"
And a great voice was heard from above:
"BECAUSE HE DOESN`T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"
Santa goes to the doctor complaining of hearing loss.
The doctor examines him and says he wants to fix the fellow with a new hearing aid. This is the finest hearing aid now being manufactured. I wear one myself, says the doctor.
What kind is it? asks the Santa .
About half past four!
In a ship the Generals of three nations were traveling with their soldiers. They started the topic that whose soldier had more of guts.
The American general called for one of his men and told him to jump down the ship and take a round swimming around the moving ship. The soldier did as he was commanded and the general boasted of by saying "See the guts !"
Now the German general called out for one of his men and asked him to take two similar rounds. The soldier did as he was told.
When he came back from the water the German said, "See the guts."
Now the Indian General called out for his most courageous man, Santa and asked him to take five similar rounds.
Santa promptly replied, "Am I your dad`s servant?"
At this the general proudly said "See the guts".