• Baseball Explained

    This is a game played by two teams, one out the other in. The one that's in, sends players out one at a time, to see if they can get in before they get out. If they get out before they get in, they come in, but it doesn't count. If they get in before they get out it does count.

    When the ones out get three outs from the ones in before they get in without being out, the team that's out comes in and the team in goes out to get those going in out before they get in without being out.

    When both teams have been in and out nine times the game is over. The team with the most in without being out before coming in wins unless the ones in are equal. In which case, the last ones in go out to get the ones in out before they get in without being out.

    The game will end when each team has the same number of ins out but one team has more in without being out before coming in.
  • Funny Cricket Stories

    Gavaskar had decided to relinquish his opening position and come in at no 4 for that test. But, Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2. And he thought there would be less pressure!

    "Man, it doesn't matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero."
    - Viv Richards to Sunil Gavaskar at Madras 1983.

    Greg Thomas was bowling to Viv Richards in a county game. Viv missed a superb outswinger, and Thomas said "It's red, round and weighs about 5 1/2 ounces."
    Next ball Viv hits Greg Thomas out of the ground for 6 and replies, " Greg, you know what it looks like. Go ahead and find it!"

    Australia fighting for a win nearing the end of a Test Match, Fred Trueman at the crease.
    The Aus captain has plenty of close in fielders, whose shadows fall on the wicket.
    Fredie finds this objectionable, "Ere, if you lads don't back off, I'll appeal for bad light!"

    Tom Goddard, of Gloucestershire, once bowled 42 consecutive overs under heat wave conditions.
    Finally, he complained about his unthinking captain, "Why the hell! doesn't the bloody bugger take me off?` raved Goddard.
    At that moment it was gently pointed out to him, by amused team-mates, that skipper Basil Allen had left the field hours earlier. Allen had in fact asked a colleague to lead the side in his absence, the colleague being Goddard himself!!

    The best of the best (Incident described in "From the Pavilion End" by Harold "Dickie" Bird)

    "Bomber" Wells, a spin bowler and great character, played for Glocuestershire and Nottinghamshire. He used to bat at No.11 since one couldn't bat any lower.

    Of him, they used to paraphrase Compton's famous words describing and equally inept runner; "When he shouts 'YES' for a run, it is merely the basis for further negotiations!"

    Incidentally, Compton was no better. John Warr said, of Compton: "He was the only person who would call you for a run and wish you luck at the same time."

    Anyway, when Wells played for Gloucs, he had an equally horrendous runner as the No.10. During a county match, horror of horrors....... both got injured.
    Both opted for runners when it was their turn to bat. Bomber played a ball on the off, called for a run, forgot he had a runner and ran himself. Ditto at the other end.
    In the melee, someone decided that a second run was on. Now we had all four running. Due to the confusion and constant shouts of "YES"... "NO"..., eventually, all of them ran to the same end.
    Note at this point in time, the entire ground is rolling on the floor laughing their behinds out.
    One of the fielders - brave lad - stops laughing for a minute, picks the ball and throws down the wicket at the other end.
    Umpire Alec Skelding looks very seriously at the four and calmly informs them, "One of you buggers is out . I don't know which. You decide and inform the bloody scorers!"
  • A Clever Word Smith

    Australia are so morally Bancroft.

    What they did is in Starc contrast to the spirit of the game.

    Didn't anyone Warner about it?

    Couldn't they see it Cummin ?

    Even a Lehmann would have known!

    They are no longer Lyons.

    They are sinking in the Marshes.

    Oh my Josh! They are Shaun of any respect now.

    There is so much Paine now.

    Sons of Mitches all of them.

    An Indian would say, "Kha, Wah, Ja" doobne!

    Musings of a clever word Smith.
  • Dumbest Athlete Quotes

    1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
    "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

    2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
    "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first..."

    3. Torrin Polk,University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
    "He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings."

    4. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
    "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

    5. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
    "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.."

    6. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
    "You guys line up alphabetically by height..," and, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

    7. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
    "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton ..."

    8. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
    "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

    9. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
    "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

    10. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
    "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.

    11. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
    "I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?'
    He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

    12 Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D:
    "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

    13. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
    "I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."

    14. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded:
    "Because she's too ugly to kiss good-bye."