Sports Jokes

Joe decides to take his boss Phil to play 9 holes on their lunch. While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace.

Joe offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. He gets about half of the way there stops and jogs back.

His boss asks what the problem is.

"Well one of those women is my wife and the other my mistress," complained Joe.

Phil just shook his head at Joe and started toward the women determined to finish his round of golf. Preparing to ask the ladies to speed up their game, he too stopped short and turned around.

Joe asked, "What's wrong?"

"It's a small, small world Joe, and you're fired."

10. Golfer: Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake.
Caddy: Think you can keep your head down that long?

9. Golfer: I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddy: Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth.

8. Golfer: Do you think my game is improving?
Caddy: Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.

7. Golfer: Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?
Caddy: Eventually.

6. Golfer: You've got to be the worst caddy in the world.
Caddy: I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.

5. Golfer: Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction.
Caddy: It's not a watch - it's a compass.

4. Golfer: How do you like my game?
Caddy: Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.

3. Golfer: Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day.

2. Golfer: This is the worst course I've ever played on.
Caddy: This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago.

and the #1 best caddy comment

1. Golfer: That can't be my ball, it's too old.
Caddy: It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.

4 men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, 1 of them died.

The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body.

The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver".

The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester United, so I'll eat his chest".

The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry"!

A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an "away game".

They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer.

"We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what it's doing by listening for it. They're pretty good at it too."

"Very clever!" remarks the other patron.

Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out the window, says, "Hey! Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from the bus?"

"Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being referred to, "what about it? You got something against blind kids?"

"Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window, "but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the hell out of my best milk cow!"