• The Best Cricket Sledges Ever

    Ian Chappell to Derek Underwood:
    England slow left-arm bowler Derek Underwood was hit on the hand while batting. Ian Chappell surprised Underwood with his concern.

    Chappell: How's the hand, which one was it?
    Underwood: It was my right.
    Chappell: That's a shame. We were aiming for the left.

    Ian Botham to Rodney Hogg:
    As Rodney Hogg bowled to Ian Botham he lost his balance and fell at the England player's feet.
    Botham: I know you think I'm great Hoggy, but no need to get down on your knees.

    Glenn McGrath to Michael Atherton:
    Australia's Glenn McGrath tried out an old Australian classic on England captain Michael Atherton, who fell for it hook, line and sinker.
    McGrath: Athers, it would help if you got rid of the shit at the end of your bat.
    Atherton looks at the bottom of his bat.
    McGrath: No, No, the other end.

    Merv Hughes to Graham Gooch:
    Hughes had sent several fast deliveries whistling past Graham Gooch, before dispatching the following verbal knockout punch.
    Hughes: I'll get you a fucking piano you Pommie poofta. Let's see if you can play that.

    Dennis Lillee to Mike Gatting:
    There's no easier target for a joke than an overweight man, as Dennis Lillee proved with the former England captain Mike Gatting.
    Lillee: Hell, Gatt, move out of the way, I can't see the stumps.

    Bill Woodfull to Douglas Jardine:
    In the infamous 'Bodyline' series, prim and proper England captain Douglas Jardine complained to Australian captain Bill Woodfull, having just been sworn at.
    Jardine: Your slip just swore at me.
    Woodfull: All right, which one of you bastards called this bastard a bastard?

    Phil Tufnell to The Umpire:
    An angry Phil Tufnell took his frustration out on the umpire after his appeal against Dean Jones was turned down.
    Tufnell: Are you bloody blind?
    Umpire: I beg your pardon?
    Tufnell: Are you fucking deaf as well?

    Michael Atherton to Ian Healey:
    Michael Atherton had the perfect reply for Ian Healy when accused of cheating.
    Healey: You're a fucking cheat.
    Atherton: When in Rome dear boy...

    Ian Botham to Rodney Marsh:
    As Ian Botham prepared to bat, Aussie wicket keeper Rodney Marsh decided to put him off and was metaphorically smashed out of the ground.
    Marsh: So how's your wife and my kids?
    Botham: The wife's fine - the kids are retarded.

    Javed Miandad to Merv Hughes:
    Javed Miandad called Hughes a fat bus conductor during a match. A few balls later, Hughes dismissed Miandad.
    Hughes: 'Tickets please' as he ran past the departing batsman.

    Glenn McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan:
    McGrath: So what does Brian Lara's dick taste like?
    Sarwan: I don't know. Ask your wife.
    McGrath: If you ever Fucking mention my wife again, I'll Fucking rip your Fucking throat out.

    Mike Whitney to Ravi Shastri:
    Shastri hits the ball towards substitute fielder Mike Whitney and looked for a single.
    Whitney: If you leave the crease i'll break your fucking head.
    Shastri: If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the fucking 12th man.

    Fred Trueman to Raman Subba Row:
    Trueman was bowling and induced an edge to first slip but the ball went between Raman Subba Row's legs. The fieldsman apologised.
    Row: Sorry, Fred. I should've kept my legs together.
    Trueman: So should your mother.
  • Witty Cricket Commentary

    1. In a match between India and Australia, Michel Clarke was caught at the slip off Kumble and he was waiting for third umpire's decision when he was clearly out.
    Harsha said: I think he is waiting for tomorrow's newspapers to declare him out.

    2. In one match, Dravid and Ganguly panicked while running between the wickets and Ganguly sent him back from half pitch.
    Siddhu: Ganguly threw drowning Dravid, a rope with both loose ends.

    3. Navjot Singh Siddhu on Ajit Agarkar: If Ajit Agarkar is an all-rounder, then I am Aishwarya Rai.

    4. Geoffrey Boycott during the lunch show: Sachin may be a great batsman, but he has never been on the Lords honours boards!
    Harsha Bhogle: So whose loss is it more, Sachin's or the Honours board's?

    5. Navjyot Singh Siddhu commenting oh Rohan Gavaskar's performance said: Everything coming out of cow is not milk, my friend.

    6. Sidhu: Pitches biwiyon ki tarah hoti hai.... kab badal jaye, koi nahin bol sakta!

    7. India is playing Sri Lanka. Sehwag hits a boundary and Ravi Shastri remarks: It's gone to the boundary before you can say KULASEKARA.

    8. During an India-WI test in the summer of 2011, Andre Russel had just dived to save a boundary.
    Ian Bishop: Reminds you of a young Tony Cozier, this man.
    Tony Cozier: You weren't even a thought in your parents' head when I did that.

    9. Michael Atherton: It is England but India has more support in the stadium, and the pitch is completely assisting your spinners. Says a lot about our hospitality, right.'
    Harsha Bhogle: Well.... we let you rule our nation for so many years. I believe that's the least you can do for us.
    Michael Atherton was speechless!
  • A Pregnant Football Player

    There was an athlete who wanted to accept a scholarship to a well-known college. To be awarded it, however, he had to pass a physical, since it was an athletic scholarship.

    When Tim found out about the scholarship, he called his friends all to come over to his house to help him celebrate. They got plastered, and several of the friends had "donated" marijuana.

    The next morning, realizing that he would be asked to provide a urine sample, he knew the marijuana would show up in it. He had a brainstorm!!!
    Calling his girlfriend on the phone, he said, "Hey, Patti I need a favor. Can you give me a small jar of urine? I'll need it for the physical tomorrow, and we kinda let things go here."

    Patti agreed, and within an hour, she came over, carrying a small mayo jar of urine.

    Tim thanked her, and he proceeded to take the "sample" to the college physical with him the next day. When the doctor asked him for a sample, he went into the restroom, and poured the urine Patti had given him into the vial.

    All was fine -- he thought!!!

    Two days later, the Athletic Director at the college called Tim, and said, "I'm afraid we have to withdraw the scholarship offer."

    "WHY?" asked Tim.

    "We just cannot have a pregnant man on our football team!" said the Athletic Director.
  • Ferrari Fires Pit Crew

    The Ferrari F1 Racing Team recently fired the whole pit crew to employ some young unemployed youths from Liverpool.

    The decision to hire them was brought on by a documentary on how unemployed youths in the Liverpool area can remove a set of car wheels in less than four seconds without proper equipment.

    This was thought to be a good move as most races are won and lost in the pits these days, and Ferrari would thus have an advantage.

    However, Ferrari soon encountered a major problem: Not only were the lads changing the tires in under four seconds, but within another ten seconds had also repainted, renumbered, and sold the vehicle to the McLaren team.