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Mukesh in his 27 Storied Home

Mukeshbhai gets up from his bed room on 15th floor, takes a swim in the swimming pool on 17th floor, has breakfast on the 19th floor, dresses up for office on 14th floor, collects his files and office bag from his personal office on 21st floor, wishes Bye to Nitabhabhi on 16th floor, says 'See You' to his children on 13th floor, and goes down on 3rd floor to self drive his 2.5 Crore Mercedes to office, but then he finds out that he has forgotten the car keys upstairs. But on which floor? 15th, 17th,19th,14th,21st,16th or 13th ?

He phones all his servants, cooks, maids, secretaries, pool attendants, gym trainers, etc. on all the floors. There is a hectic search and lot of running about on all the floors, but thekey is not traceable. Fed up, after half an hour, Mukeshbhai leaves in a chauffeur driven ordinary Ikon car.

At 3.30 P.M. late in the afternoon it is discovered that 4 days back, a temporary replacement maid had washed Mukeshbhai's pants and hung it to dry on a string in the balcony of 16th floor, with car keys in the pant pocket. They had blown away somewhere in the high winds at 16th floor level and was never found. This was found out because of Nitabhabhi's habit of checking clothes given for ironing personally.

Meanwhile, after 3 days of the incident, Nita bhabhi with all irritation writ large on her face, complained to Mukesh bhai asking him where he was roaming till 3 am last night.

Mukesh replied that he was at home all night. `Then why did the helicopter land in the terrace at 3 am? I was so worried. I could not sleep whole night," quizzed Nita bhabhi.

"Oh that helicopter`.. That helicopter came from Germany, sent by guys from BMW to deliver the duplicate car key..." mumbled Mukesh.

Moral of The Story: A two bed room flat is a better choice.

Whiskey Shots

A guy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the finest single malt scotch.

The bartender sets him up and the guy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. He then takes the last shot and does the same.

The bartender asks, "Why did you do that?"

And the guy replies, "Well the first shot always tastes like crap ,and the last one always makes me sick!"

Winston Churchill on Whisky

Sir Winston Churchill was once asked about his position on whisky. Here's how he answered:

"If you mean whisky, the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children;
if you mean that evil drink that topples men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness and hopelessness, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fibre of my being."

"However, if by whisky you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the elixir of life, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes;
if you mean good cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to magnify his joy, and to forget life's great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow;
if you mean that drink the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of pounds each year, that provides tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to build the finest highways, hospitals, universities, and community colleges in this nation... then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favour of it..!!!"

"This is my po.sition, and as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of principle.!!!"

No One Slept with Mom

Ever notice how a 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults ?

Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night.

The next day, I talked to the children and explained that it was OK to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night.

They said OK.

After my next trip several weeks later, Karey and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers.

As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!"

As I waved back, I said loudly, "What's the good news?"

Alex shouted, "Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!"

The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.

Quotes

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.

Trivia

"Zoodles" are noodles made out of zucchini.

Graffiti

Actor - A man who tries to be everything but himself.