A Nano breaks down on a roadside. A BMW 750Li stops to help the driver.
"I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights."
They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds past 150km/hour.
The BMW driver totally forgets about the Nano and guns it after the Porsche.
Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap, the cop radios the HQ: "Calling all stations: You won't believe this, I just saw a BMW & a Porsche racing past at about 190 km/h with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to Overtake.
Shadi mein juta chupai ke time dulhe ki ek saali boli: Jijaji main to 1100 lungi.
Second saali: Jijaji, 1100 se kaam nahin chalega, main toh 2100 hi lungi.
Peeche se Santa bola: 2310 le lo usmein bluetooth aur FM bhi aata hai.
Morris is dying and is on his deathbed. He is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them...
"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."
"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center ."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says to the wife, "Your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated so much property."
Sarah replies, "Property? the idiot had a newspaper route."
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."