Nayi nayi friendship hui Facebook pe... numbers exchange hue... aur phir...
Girl: Hello darling! Kya kar rahe ho...???
Boy: Hai Jaanu, Shave kar raha hoon...
Girl: Jab bhi mai tum ko call karti hoon tum shave kar rahe hote ho... din mein kitni baar Shave krte ho...??
Boy: 30-40 baar...
Girl: Tum Pagal ho. kya...???
Boy: Nahi jaanu mainn Barber hun...
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom!"
He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked, eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened.
Finally, the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
With that, the jury retired to deliberate. But after only a few minutes, they came back and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
"But how?" the lawyer asked. "You must have had some doubt. I saw all of you stare at the door."
"Oh, yes," the jury foreman replied. "We all looked - but your client."
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, 'What the heck,', and I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, "I have some really great news!"
I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy." She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant.
I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great I couldn't be happier for you!"
Then she said, "There's more."
I asked, "What do you mean there's more?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.
She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive!
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."