When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.
When you are out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When you have one too many drinks at a social, you're a drunken bum.
When your boss does the same, he appreciated women.
When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
1. Agar aap Black Goggles, pistol aur fuddu se Coat mein apna DP set karte hai to aap cool nahi @aapchutiyehain.
2. Mall ke andar shades pehen kar ghoomne wale, jo apne aap aapko dude samajhte hain krupa dhyan de Aap dude nahi @AapChutiyeHain.
3. Daru pi ke har jagah ulti karne wale "experienced" drinker, everybody at the party knows ki @AapChutiyeHain.
4. Agar aap apni crush se uske paanch baar please bolne pe rakhi bandhwane ko tayyar ho jaate hain, toh kasam Rakhi Sawant ki, @AapChutiyeHain.
5. Apne birthdayy pe party nahi dene wale dost, agar aaj mere birthday pe party maangte ho to, aapke birthday cake pe bhi yahi likha hoga @aapchutiyehain.
6. Agar apko lagta hai ki Office Mail mein 'As soon as possible' likhne se kaam jaldi ho jaayega, toh MS Outlook ki kasam @AapChutiyeHain.
7. Agar aap GYM ke liye 40k 'upfront' dete hain or 1st floor ke liye bhi lift ka upyog kartey hain toh Adnaan Saami bhi kahega @AapChutiyeHain.
8. Agar aap bhari hui Mumbai local mein ipad nikaal ke temple run khelne khade ho jaate hein toh Steve jobs bhi kahega @AapChutiyeHain.
9. Agar aap apni splendour ka silencer nikalwa ke sochte hai ab wo sports bike type lagegi toh mechanic bhi kahega @AapChutiyeHain.
1) Once, all villages decided to pray for rain, on the day of prayer all the people gathered but only one boy came with an umbrella - That's Faith.
2) When you throw a baby in the air she laughs because she knows you will catch her - That's Trust.
3) Every night we go to bed, without any assurance of being alive the next morning but still we set the alarm to wake up - That's Hope.
4) We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future or having any certainty of uncertainties - That's Confidence.
5) We see the world suffering. We know there is a possibility of same or similar things happening to us. But still we get married - That's Over Confidence.
This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment.
"Dude," he told a friend, "I've tried everything and those damn mice keep coming back."
"I had the same thing man," his friend says. "All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes."
"That's it?" the guy asked. "I'll do it tonight if it means getting rid of the damn rodents."
About a week later the guy gets a call.
"How's it going with the mice, buddy?"
"Not so good, dude."
"What's the problem?" his friend asks.
"To be honest, I'm having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart."