Shadi mein juta chupai ke time dulhe ki ek saali boli: Jijaji main to 1100 lungi.
Second saali: Jijaji, 1100 se kaam nahin chalega, main toh 2100 hi lungi.
Peeche se Santa bola: 2310 le lo usmein bluetooth aur FM bhi aata hai.
Morris is dying and is on his deathbed. He is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them...
"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."
"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center ."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says to the wife, "Your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated so much property."
Sarah replies, "Property? the idiot had a newspaper route."
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form.
The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease.
When they came to the question, "Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?"
There was a long pause. Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said, "Put down 'Yes.'"