One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy shop, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist.
"Could you taste this for me, please?"
The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.
"No, not at all," says the chemist.
"Oh that's a relief," says Paddy. "The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."
A Nano breaks down on a roadside. A BMW 750Li stops to help the driver.
"I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights."
They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds past 150km/hour.
The BMW driver totally forgets about the Nano and guns it after the Porsche.
Just as all 3 of them tear through a speed trap, the cop radios the HQ: "Calling all stations: You won't believe this, I just saw a BMW & a Porsche racing past at about 190 km/h with a Nano behind them flashing its lights to Overtake.
Shadi mein juta chupai ke time dulhe ki ek saali boli: Jijaji main to 1100 lungi.
Second saali: Jijaji, 1100 se kaam nahin chalega, main toh 2100 hi lungi.
Peeche se Santa bola: 2310 le lo usmein bluetooth aur FM bhi aata hai.
Morris is dying and is on his deathbed. He is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them...
"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."
"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center ."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says to the wife, "Your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated so much property."
Sarah replies, "Property? the idiot had a newspaper route."