Jokes Page 7

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Family Introduction

A man from UP is introducing his family:

1. Ee hai hamaar biwi..... Google Raani... Ek sawal poocho toh 10 jawab deti hai...!!!

2. Ee hai hamaar bitwa.... Facebook Kumar... Ghar ki baat sare colony tak pahuchata hai...!!!

3. Ee hai hamaar bitiya .... Twitter Kumari... Poori colony isko folow karti hai...!!!

4. Ee hai hamaar ammaji.. Whatsapp mata- pura din bud bud karti rehti hai..!!!

5. Aur hum... Hum hain Orkut Kumar... Hamka koi puchhta hi nahi...!!!

Funny Matrimonial Ads

LAWYER:
I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained.
Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.

BOATMAN:
Must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Plaese send the photograph of motorboat.

BANKER:
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

SHAYAR:
Badi muddat ke baad ek arzoo jaagi hai,
Ki hum bhi shadi shuda ho jaye,
Kya vajah shadi karane ki jo kahde sahi sahi,
To yaron ab khud se kaam ghar ka hota nahi.

BEVDA:
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory. I am an occasional alchoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friend come home only seven times a week.Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.

CAR MECHANIC:
Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. Should be above average and must run the household at a good average. Dent won't be tolerated especially in the head gear.

DOCTOR:
Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage. I'm looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it anasin, metasin or crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply.

Football or Cricket World Cup?

A boy's status on FB: Bye Bye Mexico!

Girl 1 comments: Wow! When did you go to Mexico?

Girl 2 comments: Yesterday, you were in Spain.

Girl 3 comments: So touring all Spanish speaking countries.

Boy: Girls, Spain and Mexico have been eliminated from the World Cup.

Girl 4: Don't make me a fool, I Know Spain and Mexico were never part of the World Cup. Even we follow a bit of Cricket!

Breaking Up!

George went over to his fiancee's house and sadly told his girlfriend the wedding was off. He was going to marry another woman.

His girlfriend was distraught. She asked, "How can you choose another woman over me? Is she a better cook?"

"Not on her best days, she can't match your everyday cooking."

"Does she buy you gifts like I do, the electronic toys that please men so much.?"

"She can't buy me anything. She has no job and no money."

"Then she must be beautiful and hotter! Is she that much better than me?"

"No, you are fantastic."

"Then what can this woman possibly do better than me that you want to marry her?"

"She can sue me for child support."

Quotes

The happiness and peace attained by those satisfied by the nectar of spiritual tranquillity is not attained by greedy persons restlessly moving here and there.

Trivia

Interracial marriage was banned in South Africa from 1949 to 1985 (36 years) - It was banned in the U.S. from 1691-1967 (276 years).

Graffiti

Nowadays whatever is not worth saying is sung.