Random Jokes

Random
Universal Jokes > Random Jokes
Page: 1
Waiting for a Train

A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this particular trip he decided to bring his wife. When they arrived at their hotel and were shown to their room, the man said, "You rest here while I register. I'll be back within an hour."

The wife lies down on the bed. Just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.

Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more.

Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.

Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.

"Look, lie here on the bed. You'll be thrown right to the floor!"

So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in.

"What are you doing here?"

The manager replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

Funny Comments

Sarthak Agarwal topped HSC by scoring 99.6%.

These are the comments he got for the page that published it on facebook. Don't blame me if you die laughing....

1. Don't publish this fact in newspaper. We have parents to answer.

2. Itna toh mere phone ka battery bhi charge nahi hota...

3. Ye ladka kalpanic hai iska vastavikta se koi sambandh nahi hai.

4. Badhai ho... par aaj 8 saal ho gaye mere XII ke results ko, aaj fir daant padi.

5. Apsara pencil se likha hota to 0.4% bhi mil jate....... extra marks for good hand writing.

6. Tu roadie nahi banega... You dont give ur 100% - Raghu

6. Mere pure graduation ke 3 saal ka total bhi itna nai jitna tu ek exam mein laya hai...

7. Not a big deal... His tutor is Rajnikant.

8. Congrats dude, you are the reason my parents have so many expectations.

9. Itna toh dettol bhi kitanu nahin maarta...

10. See Sarthak, I don't know what tough times you would hav gone through... lekin beta is tarah se padhaai pe gussa nahi nikalte...!!!

11. Main toh agar apna paper khud check karta toh bhi itna marks nahi la paata.

Deeper Hole!

The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight-feet-deep. After the job was completed, the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed.

"Fill it up," he ordered.

The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top.

He went to the office and explained his problem. The boss snorted.

"Honestly! The kind of help you get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"

Hurts to touch!
Hurts to touch!

Santa went to a doctor and said, "Doctor, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts"
The doctor asked Santa to touch his elbow. Santa touched his elbow and winced in genuine pain.
The doctor was surprised and asked Santa to touch his head. Santa touched his head and jumped in agony.
The doctor asked him to touch his knee and the same thing happened. Everywhere Santa touched, it hurt like hell.
The doctor was stumped and ordered an complete examination with X-rays, etc and told Santa to come back after two days.
Santa came back two days later and the doctor said," We have found your problem."
"Oh yes? What is it?" asked Santa.
"You have broken your finger!" replied the doctor.

Quotes

Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear.

Trivia

The Iglesia Maradoniana (English: Church of Maradona; literally Maradonian Church) is a religion, created by fans of the retired Argentine football player Diego Maradona, who they believe to be the best player of all time.

Graffiti

If it weren't for the rains, people would be all dry.