Random Jokes

Random
Universal Jokes > Random Jokes
Page: 1
The Angel

An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up.

He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me."

"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor. "Do you drink much?"

"Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop."

"How about smoking?" asked the doctor.

"Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it."

"Well, uh," said the doctor, "do you have much sex life?"

"Oh, no!" said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every night, and I always have been."

The doctor paused, looked hard at the man, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?"

"Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head."

"OK," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!"

Mozart:

Santa and Banta, while in New York trying to live up to a snobbish lifestyle went to a party. The conversation turned to Mozart.
"Absolutely brilliant, magnificent, a genius!"
Banta, wanting to join in the conversation, remarked casually, "Ah, Mozart. You are so right. I love him. Only this morning I saw him getting on the No. 5 bus going to Long Island."
There was a sudden hush, and everyone looked at him. Santa was mortified. He pulled him away and whispered, "We are leaving right now."
As they drove home, he kept muttering to himself. Finally Banta turned to him. "You are angry about something."
"Oh, really? You noticed?" he sneered. "I have never been so embarrassed in my life! You saw Mozart take the No. 5 bus to Long Island? You idiot ! No. 5 bus does not go out to Long Island"

Lie Detector!
Lie Detector!

An Englishman, an American and Santa are called upon to test a lie detector.
The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Allright, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine is silent.
The Santa says: "I think...",
BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

T20 Format in Exams...

Cricket is getting excited day by day with the introduction of IPL and T20...

Same rules should be applied in Exams too!

1. Exams Timing Should Be Reduced To One Hour.

2. Power Play - No Invigilator In Exam Hall For 1st 15 mins.

3. Cheer Leaders - To Dance After Every Right Answer Written.

4. Strategic Time-Out - Time For Students For Discussion.

5. Super Over - Chance For Students To Form Their Own Question.

Best wishes & best of luck for exams.

Quotes

Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life... as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.

Trivia

Mary Gibbs (voice of Boo in Monsters Inc.) was too young to sit to record her lines, so they followed her around with a mike.

Graffiti

Nowadays whatever is not worth saying is sung.