Random Jokes

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Park and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lilies.

"Tch Tch!" said the passer-by to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help."

So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"

"Fishing, sir."

"Fishing, eh? Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?"

The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar.

His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?"

The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the fourth today, sir!"

One of the women, Mrs. Smith, for over a year, could never carry the water, and would always hit into it, totally psyched out by the presence of the water. Her friend in the group suggested that she might want to see a hypnotherapist to overcome her anxiety near the water.
So the woman went to a hypnotherapist for four sessions. In those sessions, the woman was hypnotized and the therapist would "plant suggestions" that when playing the second shot on the sixth hole, she would not see water, but rather a plush green fairway leading all the way up to the green.
About six months later, a woman at the club asked whatever happened to Mrs. Smith, that she hadn`t seen her playing golf at the club for almost four months now.
She was informed that five months earlier, Mrs. Smith had drowned at the par four sixth!

Banta and his wife, Preeto, lived in a town filled with crime. After three of their neighbors` houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So Preeto went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog."
The clerk replied, "Sorry, we`re all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But, he does knows karate."
Preeto didn`t believe the clerk, so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair."
The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces. Then he said to the dog, "Karate that table." The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.
So Preeto bought the dog and took it home to Banta who was expecting a big guard dog. Banta was of course disappointed and somewhat skeptical about the Scottie dog`s abilities as a guard dog.
When she told Banta that the dog knew karate, he said, "Karate my ass!"
And to this very day, he is in the hospital.

Dear Joey,

I was much too sensitive about your Mohawk, tattoo and pierced nose. I now realize motorcycles aren't really that dangerous, and I really should not have reacted that way to the fact that you have never held a job.

I am also very sure that some other very nice people live under the bridge in the park, too. Sure my daughter is only 18 and wants to marry you instead of going to Harvard on full scholarship. After all, you can't learn everything about life from books.

I sometimes forget how backward I can be. I was wrong. I was a fool. I have now come to my senses and you have my full blessing to marry my daughter.

Sincerely, Your future father-in-law.

P.S. Congratulations on winning the lottery!