On his first visit to a girl's house, a guy waited in the living room while she prepared a snack in the kitchen.
Left alone, he noticed a small, attractive vase on the mantelpiece. He picked it up and was looking at it when the girl walked back in.
"What's this?" he asked.
"Oh, my father's ashes are in there," she said.
"Oh! I'm so sorry..."
"Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen and get an ashtray."
A robust-looking gentleman ate a large meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some fine wine, and then he summoned the headwaiter.
“Do you recall,” he asked pleasantly, “how a year ago, I ate just such a wonderful meal here and then, because I couldn’t pay for it, you had me thrown into the alley like a beggar?”
“I’m very sorry sir…” began the contrite headwaiter.
“Oh, it’s quite all right.” said the guest, “but I’m afraid I’ll have to trouble you again…”
"The thrill is gone from my marriage," Peter told his friend Alex.
Alex suggests, "Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?"
"But what if my wife finds out?" asks Peter.
"Heck, this is a new age we live in, Peter. Go ahead and tell her about it!" said Alex.
So Peter went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together."
"Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that - it didn't work."
A Pole, an Italian, and a Jew, all first-time fathers, are pacing nervously in the maternity ward waiting room when a nurse rushes out of the delivery room holding a black baby.
"Is it yours?" she asks the Italian.
"Certainly not," he retorts.
"Yours?" she asks the Pole, who vigorously denies paternity.
"How about you?" she asks the Jew.
"Maybe," he says glumly. "My wife burns everything."
Little did she realise that the wire she was cutting was a wire that delivered internet to 90% of Armenia.
The population of 3.2 million people, including journalists at all major news stations, sat twiddling their thumbs as they were left without internet services for 5 hours!