• Santa: Can I open a joint account?<br/>
Banker: Yes sure, but with who?<br/>
Santa: Anyone rich!
    Santa: Can I open a joint account?
    Banker: Yes sure, but with who?
    Santa: Anyone rich!
  • Today is chest and leg day!<br/>
Me ordering at KFC!
    Today is chest and leg day!
    Me ordering at KFC!
  • This morning I called my mom by 'birth giver' and she replied 'yes financial drain'!
    This morning I called my mom by 'birth giver' and she replied 'yes financial drain'!
  • Doctor: It looks like you are pregnant.<br/>
Girl: I'm pregnant?<br/>
Doctor: No, but it looks like you are!
    Doctor: It looks like you are pregnant.
    Girl: I'm pregnant?
    Doctor: No, but it looks like you are!
  • I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts.<br/>
I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road!
    I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts.
    I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road!
  • You know you're ugly when a boiling kettle won't even give you a whistle!
    You know you're ugly when a boiling kettle won't even give you a whistle!
  • Dreams are just your brain putting on movies for you so you don't get bored when you sleep!
    Dreams are just your brain putting on movies for you so you don't get bored when you sleep!
  • Telling a depressed person to be happy is like asking a blind person to wear glasses!
    Telling a depressed person to be happy is like asking a blind person to wear glasses!
  • It's just a bad day, not a bad life. Don't let one day ruin everything for you!
    It's just a bad day, not a bad life. Don't let one day ruin everything for you!
  • Sometimes, things just aren't meant to be. Sometimes, no matter how bad you want it, you got to let it go!
    Sometimes, things just aren't meant to be. Sometimes, no matter how bad you want it, you got to let it go!