|Santa: Can I open a joint account?|
Banker: Yes sure, but with who?
Santa: Anyone rich!
|Today is chest and leg day!|
Me ordering at KFC!
|This morning I called my mom by 'birth giver' and she replied 'yes financial drain'!|
|Doctor: It looks like you are pregnant.|
Girl: I'm pregnant?
Doctor: No, but it looks like you are!
|I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts.|
I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road!
|You know you're ugly when a boiling kettle won't even give you a whistle!|
|Dreams are just your brain putting on movies for you so you don't get bored when you sleep!|
|Telling a depressed person to be happy is like asking a blind person to wear glasses!|
|It's just a bad day, not a bad life. Don't let one day ruin everything for you!|
|Sometimes, things just aren't meant to be. Sometimes, no matter how bad you want it, you got to let it go!|