|Kids probably don't realise it yet, but pretending to be asleep is a skill that will come in handy for the rest of their lives!|
|Santa: I've named my dog "ten miles".|
Santa: Just so I can tell people I walk ten miles twice a day!
|The position of your hands is very important when playing golf.|
I position mine to cover up my scorecard!
|Yawns are just silent screams for coffee!|
|I thought that pulling the shell off my racing snail would help it move faster.|
If anything it became more sluggish!
|Girl, are you a modern day savings account because I keep investing money in you but I'm not getting much interest!|
|Taxes are just a monthly subscription to live in a country!|
|People donating money to Kylie Jenner prove that millions of years of human evolution was just waste a time!|
|Your great grandchildren will probably do a history project on your social media posts.|
So post wisely!
|The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter!|